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This is from a talk I gave at a couple of bridal shows last year:
I review bridal shows on my blog. And, I love going to them, it’s a great opportunity to find out what’s out there, what’s new, exciting, anything I can offer my brides to get them the wedding that they want. Plus, there’s just so much pretty. The last one I went to was in Pasadena a few weeks ago, and it was absolutely gorgeous. I was on my second pass around the floor, past the entrance again, when I started to notice something about all the brides that were walking into the room:
None of them were smiling.
None of them.
In fact they were downright scowling – brows furrowed, frowning, just stressed. And I get it. I’ve been a wedding planner for almost ten years now, so sure, I get it.
Each one of them was thinking, what if I can’t find what I want? What if I find what I want and it costs too much, or it’s not available when I need it? There are so many choices here, how do I even decide which one is right for me? What if no one else likes what I choose??
In the face of all this pretty and all these options, there is all this stress and all this fear. And a lot of times it doesn’t go away once you’ve hired me, and have someone to hand the checklist over to. You bring it with you and you carry it along through the whole planning process. Which isn’t fun for you, at all!
The alternative? Thinking about your wedding like I do. I know that you are going to have a fabulous wedding day. I know this. It’s actually my favorite part of my job, showing you how it’s all going to work out. Because at the end of that night, it’s going to be you and the love your life, dancing with everyone else you love and who loves you. And that’s what you’re all there for.
I see some skeptical faces out there. Of course it’s easy for me to say that, I do this every day.
Yeah, that’s how I know that it’s going to be all right. Because I do this every day.
So, these are the three things I have to tell you, based on what I know from working with hundreds of wonderful couples over the years:
- First of all, you need to look at your choices differently. You walked into this room thinking, oh my god there are so many different options, how am I going to find the ones that I need, that I want? Instead, say, wow, there are so many options out there, that there is no way that I won’t find what I’m looking for. There’s no way. I just have to keep looking, keep asking until I find IT. What’s in front of you right now is never the only thing that’s available. Now, you may get tired of looking. But that’s not the same thing. It’s like when you’re shopping for anything else. Just because the first thing you see when you walk into the store is a fuzzy aquamarine sweater, doesn’t mean that you’re obligated to buy it before you walk out. You can choose, and you can also choose to walk away. And never, ever be afraid to ask questions. Ever.
- You are not supposed to know how to do any of this, so you need to give yourself a break, right now. Odds are, this is the first time you’ve planned an event for 100+ people, and will probably be one of the last. There is no inbred girl gene that is going to help you. There’s just time and resources and learning and making the best choices for yourself. The only pressure you have is the one that you’re creating. Ease up – you have everything that you need in order to get what you want. Remind yourself of that as many times as you need to.
- The question my brides ask me the most is, “Can I do this?” Whatever it is. Is it okay? There’s only rule that I stand by in Wedding World: Have the wedding that you want. Have the wedding that you want. Whatever that looks like to you. It doesn’t matter if no one has done it before, it doesn’t matter if everyone has done it before. It’s your wedding, it’s the one time you are going to have your wedding, it’s the only time you’re going to have this expression of who the two of you are as a couple. Hold onto that.
So, when one of my brides ask me if they can do this or that, my answer is always yes. Of course. You just have to figure out how. And you have everything that you need in order to do that. And having to figure it out may be annoying, but it’s not the same thing as being helpless, and it’s not the same thing as being lost. You’re not either of those.
I’m not saying there isn’t a lot of outside pressure: “Your wedding is the best day of your life.” “Your wedding day is the first day of the rest of your life.” You need to turn down the volume on that. Because today is the first day of the rest of your life, too. And so is tomorrow, and your wedding is not going to be the last best day that you ever have.
What I am saying is that planning your wedding will be an amazing experience. You’re going to learn a lot about yourself, what you’re capable of, what you really like, and what you really, really don’t. And there is fun to be had along the way, so look for it. Fun, and memories and laughter, all adding up to that moment at the end of the day that I told you about, when you’re rocking the dance floor with the love of your life and your favorite people on the face of the planet. It’s right there waiting for you.
See you at the end of the aisle,