1/14 You are NOT Bridezilla

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There are two questions my brides always ask me that I have automatic answers to:

1. “Can I do X, Y or Z for my wedding?” The answer is: Yes.

2. “I’m not turning into Bridezilla, am I?” The answer is: No.

Both answers are true, every single time they ask. I think that it can be hard for women to accept that, a) we can have anything we want, it’s just a matter of figuring out how to get it, and b) we can expect to get what we ask for, and not be seen as a total b*tch by the outside world.

I’m not saying that Bridezilla doesn’t exist, but there is a difference. Say you’re looking at table linens and you can’t find the right shade of blue, or even worse, the wrong linens have already been delivered. Bridezilla will, perhaps, curse out everyone in the room, including the rental company, and end up crying in a corner somewhere that her wedding is ruined, without taking any positive action to rectify the situation. Is that you? I don’t think so. You would assess the situation and see what can be done, and given that, make a decision about what you want to do. Can they bring the right linens and change them over in time for the reception? Can you push back the reception to give them more time to do that? Can you get a discount or refund for the trouble? There is always a solution. If you can embrace the concept of “making it work”, you are not Bridezilla.

Relax. This is sooo not you!

There are others of you who are thinking, “Well, if you have to have a certain shade of blue for your table linens, then you are Bridezilla.” Umm, really? You’re paying for this, right?

Your bridesmaids hate their dresses, your mother hates your dress, and you have a sneaking suspicion that your future mother-in-law hates YOU. Oh, God. Bridezilla would confront all the above, end up banning one or most of the above from her wedding, and demand that her fiance choose between her and his mother. You, on the other hand, well, you’re not going to be happy with any of this, either. But, you will thank your bridesmaid for being such a good friend and wearing the dress anyway on your one, special day. It’s one day. And you know that as far as your mother and his mother are concerned, their feelings are not about you, it’s about them. You love your dress, and you love your fiance. Your Mom wants you to be happy, and his mom wants him to be happy. You are, and he is, so smile and keep moving. If you are able to keep all these personal feelings in perspective without destroying the personal relationships involved, you are NOT Bridezilla.

See? It’s the response to a challenge that separates you from the girl on TV throwing cake at her florist. You’re not that girl, so stop asking me if you are. You are not unreasonable, you are not reactionary, and you would NEVER waste cake like that. You know?

So, when was the last time you thought you might be a Bridezilla, and realized that you were wrong? Or has someone wrongly accused you of being the B word? Let me know in the comments – I’ve got your back.

See you at the end of the aisle,

Liz Coopersmith is the owner of Silver Charm Events, a wedding planning service in Los Angeles. She's also a regular contributor to the Huffington Post and the author of "DIY Your DOC: Do-it Yourself Wedding Day Coordination." Follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
  • "Your Mom wants you to be happy, and his mom wants him to be happy. You are, and he is, so smile and keep moving. If you are able to keep all these personal feelings in perspective without destroying the personal relationships involved, you are NOT Bridezilla."

    oh man, does that ever resonate right now. I am experiencing "my big fat portugese wedding" right now, and everything I say and do shall be used against me in the court of..love? I just have to chant like Eddie Murphy in bowfinger: "Keep it together..keep it together..keepkeepkeepittogether!!"

  • N.J.

    My fiance's family doesn’t know a thing about décor or aesthetics (on a dime or otherwise), but they still have suppositions and preferences that they expect me to adopt. They are "relaxed" and overall wonderful people, but I am finding myself having to defend really SIMPLE things on such a continual basis that it’s obvs they are starting to perceive me as a high maintenance city girl. Granted, I am a graphic designer, but I am having to say things like “No, I am not going to put a sticker over the misprint on the wedding invitation….I will wait another couple weeks so the printer can fix the error…” on a continual basis, and when I do, I get looked at like I’m some kind of high maintenance B and a side comment of "oh – okay…" Sorry, the date is kind of a critical part of the invitation and no, laserjet return address stickers from Staples are not going on my wedding invitations. It's exhausting.

  • Hear hear!

    It amazing me when a bride gets her flowers, and they look NOTHING like what she ordered, and yet she gets the "bridezilla" card when she tells others and/or her florist that those were not what she ordered. (Hopefully in a calm, matter-of-fact manner.) As we all know, flowers are NOT cheap. If you're spending hundreds of dollars on one element of the wedding, you BET you want it at least close to how you pictured it (and informed the vendor as such).

    Usually, you're not being a bridezilla, you're just trying to get your money's worth!

  • THANK YOU! There are so many out there who do not know the difference between Bridezilla and wanting what you want (because you're paying for it!). I could never put it into the right words, but you just did.

  • I was Bridezilla the other day, or at least I had a Bridezilla moment.

    I told my bridesmaids they can choose their own dresses, I just specified colour. I was fairly chilled about this until I looked at the Bride Guide app on my iPhone and realised that IT'S ONLY 99 DAYS TIL THE WEDDING!!1!! At which point I freaked out and told my friend whose second baby is in fact overdue now that she has to just please choose her dress right now so that it's sorted.

    Gosh I was mean. I had to retract and apologise sharpish!

  • Cathy K

    A funny not-really-bridezilla-at-all moment this week: finding myself waffling over a selection of pink frostings at cake meeting, something I would never in a million yrs imagined I'd do as a 40-yr-old and very un-pink bride-to-be. The decision had to be made, and no one was tense about it; it just cracked me up that it had to be done.

    A not-so-funny more-uncomfortably-close-to-bridezilla moment this week: my fiance telling me his aunt had announced that she wanted to make my jewelry. Nooooooo, for various reasons. Fortunately he did his best to divert her from that ambition and we'll find a way to keep it that way. Now I don't feel ashamed of wanting to make up my own ensemble by myself, something I'm enjoying a lot, but I *will* feel ashamed if I hurt her feelings significantly in the process – no matter that I barely know her, and that she is a certified Difficult Person. Hmm…

  • Emmy

    I think we all have the potential for bridezilla moments even as a rational person. When you introduce a problem to a high-stress, highly emotive situation such as a wedding then there's a good chance that the response will involve blubbing or ranting.
    The difference (as Liz says) is that after the screaming dies down and/or the wet face is dried, do you pick yourself up, acknowledge that this has happened and now needs dealing with. Do you apologise to anyone you have upset and start to behave like the normal human being you are? Do you feel bad about having behaved in a bridezilla-y way and make amends?
    You aren't a bridezilla if you just want something to be right and deal with it in a polite but assertive way. Equally you aren't a bridezilla if you are caught off guard by some bad news and respond badly, as long as you smooth out things after you've returned to your senses.

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  • I think that we need these reminder from time to time.