Broke-Ass Tag: wedding drama

6/19

I got engaged Memorial Day Weekend in 2016. We set our wedding date for September of the next year because September is a special month for us and it gave us about 15 months to save for our wedding. I asked all my girls to be my bridesmaids and I was locked and loaded to go. I was trying to be gracious.

Then one of my bridesmaids got engaged near Thanksgiving and set her wedding date for the following June. She only allowed herself eight months for planning. Now let’s be real, I am human and was a little hurt that she set her wedding date before mine. It felt like she was stealing my thunder and I was getting pushed to the side. Her ceremony and reception are inconveniently spaced apart because they were the only times she could secure on such short notice. There are legit three hours between the ceremony and the reception.

One of my biggest goals during our engagement was to do my damndest NOT to be a giant bridezilla. We’ve all heard horror stories about brides who go completely nuclear over stupid things like place settings, what pattern to fold napkins in, or any number of other useless meltdowns. I refused to be characterized as that bride. So I did my absolute best not to show how hurt I was at the choices she made.

When I was planning things like the shower, rehearsal or bachelorette, I made a point of asking everyone what dates would be best for their schedules. My friend didn’t check with any of her other friends when she set the date for her shower and bachelorette party. I ended up missing most of her shower because it was scheduled the same day as graduation for my Masters degree. I just started a new job that has different time off requirements than my last one. While I had her wedding dates off at my old job, her wedding falls on one of the only six days that I am required to work on a weekend at the new place. To make things even more special, her bachelorette party also fell on one of those six days, so I could go to neither. Her wedding also happens to fall on the same day my little brother graduates high school — even more precious.

I feel like a total and complete tool for missing these really important milestones in her life. It makes it look like I’m missing all of these events on purpose when that’s not the case at all. I don’t want it to be a battle of her against me, but as the days tick past it’s morphing into this. Her wedding is in a week so hopefully things go back to a bit of normalcy after this all blows over.

When she got engaged I offered to help in whatever ways she needed, including the printing of her paper things since I have a sweet color laser printer. She called Monday asking that I print up two separate batches of things, the programs and the favor tags. She sent me the files with super vague instructions that prompted me to ask her a legion of questions to make sure I had everything right. I printed 75 pages of favor tags and began cutting them out for her so she would have one less thing to worry about. I sent her a picture to show the finished product to make sure that’s what she wanted before I cut out the rest and she had a meltdown that the tags were not exactly four inches. The measurement was off by an eighth of an inch. I added border around the cutting to allow for this but she didn’t want it to look like that and asked me to stop printing.

Darling, I had already printed all of them.

I understand wanting things to be exactly perfect in every way possible, but we live in an imperfect world. If you want something to be exactly one way, please share your ENTIRE vision with me so I can make that dream a reality. Now I have a stack of wasted paper that I cannot reuse for anything.

I hate that I am losing my cool.

These are all very small things that should not matter in the end. So what if she has her wedding date first? It might be a tiny bit rude but it’s not like she stabbed me. What is frustrating me the most is that I have simply stopped talking to her because I know I am not capable of having a nice conversation at the moment.

You know the saying: if you have nothing nice to say, shut the hell up.

This bit of drama is not worth losing a friendship over. Yet, I find that I cannot stop dwelling on it. I have no idea how to handle this. So far the battle plan is to ignore her until a week or so after her honeymoon. Perhaps she will sheath her fangs and shrink down to size after bridezilla smashing a few cities. Maybe it’s me that needs a chance to shrink back down to normal size. Maybe I’m the one out there smashing cities without even knowing it.

What would you do in my shoes?

  • 1/25

    kids

    It’s a little crazy, right? An entire wedding with fun, games, coloring and more with hardly a kid in sight. Yeah, it was a bit weird, but we knew all along we wanted a kid-free wedding, so even after picking our theme we stuck to it. There were several reasons for this: 1) It’s cheaper — the fewer people, the less money we were spending on tables, chairs, food, candy, beverages and so on; 2) I wanted to give my guests the opportunity to have a night of crazy fun; and 3) I am not a kid person, okay? I’m just not. I have been to weddings where the dance floor was packed with kids all hopped up on sugar and running around and just being crazy like kids are supposed to be … and OMG. I knew that wasn’t the kind of reception for me. I know it can be a controversial thing, but we really didn’t have any issues. Here’s how we navigated the whole thing.

    I had made comments for years about having an adults-only wedding, so my close friends and fam certainly weren’t surprised. I’d gotten the occasional side-eye or weird look, with the usual comments from other brides saying no one would have come to their shindig if they couldn’t bring their children. Well, that just straight up sucks in my book. A typical wedding requires a lot of planning, which takes a lot of time. If you have months and months and months, heck maybe even years of notice, I feel like you can line up a babysitter. Disclaimer: I am not a parent. I know this. But I know many of them. I have siblings and in-laws and close friends who have kids. I know how hard it can be to find a trustworthy person to watch your kids. I truly, truly get that. But all of them have managed to find someone. Whether it’s another family member, a nanny, or just the occasional sitter, they’ve all done it. So I was confident that with enough lead time, basically everyone could make it happen. I made sure it was very clear on our wedding website that we were having an adults-only day. Our save the dates went out in early February, coupled with a Facebook post with a link to the site in case they didn’t notice it on our cute little tickets. It also stated we would provide childcare if they’d like us to.

    Officially, we gave everyone eight months to start working on a plan. Even so, we wanted to help just in case they couldn’t come up with one. Russel and I also took into account that a lot of our guests were coming from out of town, and maybe they wouldn’t want to leave their little ones for an entire night or weekend. Because of that, we offered to provide babysitting for anyone who wished to take advantage. When we mailed out invitations about seven weeks prior to our big day, I included a handwritten note to all of the people who have children. (BTW, this is a good time to mention that we are not monsters and were pretty flexible on the whole. If someone had a newborn or baby who was still nursing, they were absolutely encouraged to bring said little nugget. I made that clear on handwritten notes as well.) I gave everyone my phone number and encouraged them to call or text me if they wanted to discuss babysitting. No one called. I wasn’t even really surprised, to be honest. Not a lot of our friends or family members have young kids. Maybe a little weird for a couple in their early 30s, but it’s how we roll in our social circle. Those who do had all managed to line up child care ahead of time and didn’t need our help. Had anyone requested it, they could have left their kids with a trusted, CPR certified sitter at the hotel in town. We had a room block, and it’s where most of our guests stayed. Their children would have been waiting for them post-reception, stuffed with pizza and all tired out from swimming and playing.

    In the end, it really couldn’t have worked out any better. I felt like we really tried our best to give people plenty of time to plan, and we would have been more than happy to arrange a sitter had the need arisen. I get that it can kind of be a slap in the face to have someone say they want you at their big day … but don’t bring the little monster, so we really wanted to go above and beyond to make our intentions clear and take the burden off our guests.

    Of course there were three children in attendance who we wouldn’t have dreamed of leaving out. One of my nieces and my nephew were my flower girl and ring bearer, and my other niece was there as well. It should go without saying that Russel and I wanted them to celebrate with us, and celebrate they did. We had carnival games set up on the lawn for cocktail hour, and to make it super official, my mom bought a bunch of stuffed animal prizes. They made out like bandits. Add in coloring, dancing, glow in the dark balloons and eating yummy fair food all night, and they were in heaven.

    prizes

    karson

    Photos by Jenni Bella Photography

    If you think a kid-free wedding is for you, do it! Stick to your guns, but also remember to be a little flexible. These are your guests, so go out of your way to make it easy for them. If you’re like us, you’ll be very happy with the result.

    Have you thought of going kid-free? What challenges are you facing? Share in the comments!

  • 6/9

    The thing with planning a wedding that gets to a lot of couples is that it feels like there are so. many. decisions. that, in the grand scheme of things, seem pretty inconsequential, but when it comes to the event that is your wedding actually make a big difference. It really is OK to waver back and forth between linen colors and wonder if you should…

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    4/15

    Team Bride Badges, $7.28 by Etsy seller MakeLoops It's a fact of wedding planning that people are the second-most unpredictable variable (weather is the first!). There will always be someone who doesn't do or say what you're expecting or hoping, and it can be extremely frustrating when it's someone close to you.  Every now and then it's a bridesmaid that seems to go rogue, not following The…

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    3/14

    We're almost at the six-month countdown to our wedding. Most of the major plans are in place. Vendors are booked. Dress is bought. Now it's time to line up all the details. There have been several times during the planning process that I have wanted to throw in the towel. I've gotten over the hurdles so far and moved on, but this past week I…

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    1/22

    Minnesota Letterpress Print on Etsy by paperparasolpress Most couples planning a wedding have been there at some point: Just when you've come up with The Perfect Wedding Plan, family finds a way to foil it! One of our BAB readers has such a dilemma: Dear BABs, I am hoping you can help me out. I am from Houston, TX, my fiance is from a small town…

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    11/23

    Wedding planning and preparation can be stressful. It has it's ups and downs, twists and turns. There's drama with friends, family and vendors. Decisions upon decisions. Money. Money. More money. It can be a lot for a person or a couple to handle. Throughout my planning process, I've certainly experienced some stress!  There's been changes with my venue, my coordinator and disagreements with good friends. As I'm…

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    10/26

    Basically, the Broke-Ass uniform. Via Etsy seller TrendingTops I've talked about dealing with moms and in-laws, but I'm finding dealing with friends to be the most challenging to handle. I don't know why; maybe it's because it's a less secure relationship than a family member, but it's adding to the already stressful situation I've been having. Last week, I told you about our recent venue…

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    7/2

    You know those people who say “My give-a-damn’s busted?” I’m so jealous of those people. My give-a-damn is never busted. It goes on and on, seemingly forever, spinning until all those imaginary gears are overheated and I’m the one busted, but still fully giving every ounce of “damn” on can give about everyone and everything else. I’ve been in some stage of wedding planning for…

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