Credit: Carole Cohen Photography
So he’s not my best friend, and I wouldn’t want him to be, but he’ll be my best husband, and I think that’s still pretty special.
So, uh, this is weird, even if it is really wonderful.
It may not be weird for you if, say, your parents divorced in your childhood as many people’s did, but after 36 years and a whole lot of hell, my parents called it quits. That’s not the weird part. In fact, I’m about as happy about the situation as an adult kid can be. I watched my parents grow into reluctant roommates since … always, it seems like. It’s weird because I’m having these conversations about like turning into hope and hope turning into love and love turning into what looks like it’s going to be forever.
But up until this point, I was expressing this to my mother. Now she’s telling me about this amazing man who makes her laugh and treats her like a queen and as real as it is, I always seem to get this uncontrollable case of the giggles because even though I’ve had a handful of experiences where it felt like the roles of parent and daughter were reversed, it’s just so freaking adorable to hear this coming from my mom!
So while this isn’t official, official, I’m pretty sure it’s coming. They’re planning a vacation in November; he sneakily asked my sister to get her ring size and my mother, who admittedly had had a couple glasses of wine over this past Mother’s Day weekend began to gush about how she was in love and he had made his intentions quite clear. (“How would you feel about having the most fun of your life for the rest of your life?” I die!) And I’ve got opinions, yo. We’re talking the kinds of opinions I’ve advised other brides to shake off in the past and, if I’m being quite frank, the kinds of opinions my mother pushed on me through my engagement.
“You deserve, like, a WEDDING wedding!”
“No, with flowers and music and everything!”
“We’re going to have to find you an amazing dress!”
Now, some of this is due to the fact that I’m one half of a blossoming wedding business and flowers and decor are totally my thing; some of it is because I want to see my mother celebrated and happy. It comes from a good place but, then again, a lot of opinions and expectations do.
But I’m going to have to slow my roll. I told my mother that I couldn’t be her Wedding Barbie, so neither can she be mine (even if I think this is all really, really wonderful and adorable). This is the case for any loved one’s wedding. Sure, through our own weddings we picked up awesome ways to save some money, came across sweet ways to personalize our experience and, naturally, just want to see the people we love be as happy as we were, but we (I) got ours (mine), so they get theirs.
Going forward, I want my mother (and this could be anyone you love) to understand three things: I am SO. HAPPY. for her; I will be there for anything I can conceivably make happen; and I want everything to be exactly the way she wants it. I think that’s really all it takes. Sure, I’ll be there to provide specifically solicited advice and give her any pointers since the last time she did this, she was in her mid-20s and things are a bit different, but right now my job is to raise a glass and toast to what seems like the first really wonderful thing to happen specifically to her in a long time.
So if I’m speaking with a lisp, it’s because I’m living in a constant state of biting my tongue!