Broke-Ass Tag: Planning


To do notepad available from Etsy seller marrygrams

Here’s the thing: I’ve been gifted with a degree of creativity and innovation, however, I’m really, really bad at delegating.

With a project as colossal as a wedding, this is not a good thing. I’m pretty sure if I try to micromanage every little thing, I’ll be so busy that I wont have time to enjoy one the the most important days of my life. Not to mention I have finite time, energy and brainpower, and I’m a pretty miserable person to be around when any of those resources have been depleted.

Knowing this, and in the interest of, you know, equality, my partner and I divvied up some of the responsibilities. So far he has been put in charge of catering, rentals and rehearsal dinner planning. However, he brought it to my attention that I have the tendency to meddle outside my own realm of responsibilities. Little friendly questions about “have you emailed this person yet?” “Did you look into that thing yet?” I’m not so good at trusting that he can handle it, even though he has proven time and time again throughout our relationship to be very capable and responsible.

I am also extremely blessed to have many wonderful people who have asked repeatedly, “How can I help?” My answer is always, “Oh you’re so kind. There’s nothing right now, but I’ll let you know when something comes up.”

In truth, I have been actively avoiding thinking about what things I will need help with, because I don’t want to give up control over anything.

Why am I so afraid to give up control?

I’m sure that part of it is the importance surrounding the day. Our wedding is a big life event. People will remember things. We will look at the pictures 10, 20, 30 years down the road. There’s been a ton of money and time spent on it.

Of course I want it to go well.

Or, perhaps, because I have been so fierce about not wanting to make my wedding about other people’s expectations, I feel a bit guilty asking them to help if they haven’t had any input. Or, I’m afraid they might overstep.

Maybe its all of these.

Or, maybe it’s because I realized that if something were to go wrong, I wouldn’t attribute to a failure on our part, I would attribute it to failure on my part, and I think that’s the rub. 

Wedding planning is still considered by many as to be the bride’s job.

I’ve been working hard on trying to not internalize that expectation, but it happens, the same way that when I invite guests over and the house is messy, I often find myself fearing that they automatically are judging me for the state of the place, not my partner. Therefore, when I catch myself spiraling because I’m afraid that Ev is going to forget to tell the caterer we need dessert spoons, I catch myself imagining a scenario in which the oversight is discovered, and imagine that all guests turn their eyes to me.

Judgement. Gasps. Pearls clutched.

The elaborate facade of me as a capable adult, as a capable wife, crumbles before everyone’s eyes.

Obviously I know this is incredibly silly and dramatic, but I’m trying to make a point — even when we’ve made a conscious effort to reject theses views, their shadows can hold on for a long time after we’ve tried to let them go.

I’ll start by letting someone help me fold some table cards. Even, even if they end up slightly crooked. If there’s someone in attendance at my wedding who judges me for that, well, they probably at the wrong damn wedding.

How is the division of labor in your planning going? Are you having a hard time letting projects go?


  • 6/14

    Affiliate Disclaimer Newpassion_planner

    Four months to go, BABs!

    I’ve always assumed I’d be one of those brides who was impossibly low-key and go-with-the-flow. And that has remained true for most things, but I’m finally starting to feel like things are creeping up on me; family and vendors are needing more and more details and decisions that haven’t been finalized.

    Within the last two weeks or so questions from the officiant, cellist, photographer and venue have all started piling up, and I’ve been too overwhelmed and mentally exhausted from other things in life to tackle any of them.

    In my head, it feels like we have a ton of time. But in reality, I know that we need to start making some of these decisions. If for no other reason than to get it checked off and move on. In order to maintain my sanity between wedding planning, two jobs, co-organizing a Meetup group, quarter-marathon race training and other social events, I really needed to get organized.

    Planners specifically dedicated to weddings are fantastic. I have tried a few of them online, and they are extremely helpful. But for me, I need one place to keep work, wedding, volunteer, personal goals and social things all in one place. I know, it sounds a little Type A, but I needed a singular resource to avoid over-booking, forgetting or procrastinating. For some reason, I never latched on to using a calendar app. I like physically writing things, giving them due dates, highlighting and crossing things off. It’s sort of therapeutic.

    I have gotten a lot of wedding planning use out of my Passion Planner. It’s given me a place to create monthly and weekly wedding-related goals, create work and personal to-do lists, and block out my time so that everything gets appropriate effort dedicated to it. I’ve used the notes section in the back to help with working out wedding timeline, schedules or to simply write notes as I think of them so they don’t get lost.

    I have added my vendors’ needs into my planner and given them due dates so that when my day starts, I can easily schedule in a half-hour to dedicate to it. It’s so easy to get caught up in everyday things that planning begins to slip. Being deliberate about when I spend time on wedding things has been extremely helpful!

    How do you juggle work and your personal life while wedding planning?

  • 1/15

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    A bridal show? I know, I know. Like many of you, I am not a fan of the wedding industry or the cult of weddings. But, here I was surrounded by a sea of 20-somethings wearing "I said yes" sashes who, in my head, all have unlimited wedding budgets. I am a 30-something "he said yes," nontraditional bride with an absolute maximum budget of $15,000. And,…

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    Heeeyyyoooo!!! Now that you're rockin' that sparkler and all you newbie Broke-Ass Brides are starting to look ahead to your big day, I think it's important to sit you down and talk about that horrible monster that is sure to rear its ugly head at some point during your planning process ... BRIDE BRAIN. *cue suspenseful music* But Christen!, you're saying, I'm totes rational and there's no…

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    Finally, the end of the "how we met" saga! If you missed Part 1, just click here! (Editor's note: And check out Carrie's hippie-tastic backpacker proposal story here! It is seriously one of my favorite proposal stories EVER.) When we last left off in my long, drawn out love story, Zach and I had finally said the big "L word", and the next day I got on…

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    Hey, Liz! Crazy question. My fiance and I have decided to get married next month and hold off on having a big traditional ceremony and reception until next year. We're not doing it because of illness or he's in the military or anything, we just really want to. My question is, what is the wedding etiquette for that? Can I still have all the showers…

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