I want to talk about our wedding party.
There seem to be a lot of traditions and rules in North American/European anglophone culture surrounding bridesmaids and groomsmen that there is heavy pressure to follow. I imagine that if you have been reading my posts thus far, you probably know how I feel about arbitrary rules, especially if they are outdated, rooted in sexism or classism and/or expensive.
(Coincidentally, its also how I feel about using outdated memes.)
Here are some of the rules that I have observed (Although, I know that some of them are undergoing shifts, and there are many regional and cultural variations):
- The bride must have a maid of honor and the groom must have a best man.
- There must be an equal number of bridesmaids and groomsmen.
- Brides have bridesmaids, grooms have groomsmen.
So, unsurprisingly, I am rejecting some of these rules.
First of all neither of us have a clearly delineated “best friend” who we feel comfortable elevating over the others, and we both have multiple siblings. For some people, there’s an easy answer for who will be the best man and maid of honor. For us, there isn’t — so we aren’t going to have them.
Second, Ev and I have friends of all genders, so we have a couple of bridesmen, and groomswomen.
Given that we’ve known each other for 11 years, and have been dating for five, There are a few people who are as much my friend as his, and could as easily be on my “side” as his. He also makes friends more easily than I do, and has moved all over the country, so he’s asked seven people (five men, two of which are the potential overlappers, and two women) while I’ve asked four women. Whether separated by gender or by side, there’s not going to be symmetry. In lieu of either cutting people out, or asking more people, I just threw up my hands and said, “screw it.” The photos of us all together will be lopsided. We will deal.
Therefore, we’ve established that it’s more of a collective “wedding party” than two separate ones.
I know that this will create a few questions in terms of how that’s going to look in terms of bachelor/bachelorette parties, getting ready the morning of and so on, but I’m sure we will figure it out along the way, and handle it.
To be continued …