Broke-Ass Tag: groomsmen

4/3

Did you miss Part I? Catch up here.

Printable sign available from Etsy seller MonCheriPaperie

Here are a few more bridal party norms in place that I’ve observed, which are also huge money suckers for both the marrying couple and the attendants:

  • Bridesmaids and groomsmen must all wear the same dress/suit, and the bride/groom gets to choose it, and it must be expensive-looking and formal. This usually meaning it must be purchased or rented for the purpose of the event, and likely means it will be worn only once.
  • Bridesmaids should have their hair, makeup and nails done professionally, and in more or less the same way.

I know there are varying schools of thought on who foots the bill for the above two points. However, in either case, it is a heckuva lot of money. If the bride and groom pay, that’s the cherry on top of a gigantic bill for their wedding. If the wedding party members pay, it is a gigantic cherry on top the costs of transportation, lodging, gifts, babysitters, lost wages from missing work, etc.

For ease, and with respect to experience level, I’ve left Ev in charge of coordinating the outfits of the suit-wearing members of our wedding party, while I’m navigating the needs of the dress-wearing group. My bridesmaids, and Evan’s groomswomen, are all gorgeous and stylish people. They’re also delightfully unique, which is what we love about them, and they feel comfortable wearing different things. So, why would we want them to all look the same? I believe that have the capacity to pick their own dresses and choose what hairstyle, and amount of (if any) makeup they want to wear in my wedding. That way, I know that they will both feel comfortable, and look fly as hell.

However, I also know that getting all dolled up together can be a fun, de-stressing, bonding time for all of us. So, I’ve struck a balance. I have requested that they choose own dresses, but they can choose one that fits their personal style — I just ask that it be a shade of my chosen wedding color. Then, they can wear it again!

I am willing to pay for hairstyling, unless someone doesn’t want it done. The cost of hair and makeup combined is cheaper than each separately, so I told each of them that if they wanted to have their makeup done, they could just pay the difference in upgrading from hair-only to hair and makeup. They are free to choose whatever style makes them feel comfortable and pretty. As for shoes? Nails? Meh. Up to them.

In the end, maybe my expectations are low, but to be honest I’m just grateful that they’re going to be there. The last thing I’m going to notice in the photos, when I look at them in 20 years, is if all my bridesmaids look perfectly done-up and identical to each other … rather, I will probably be remembering how much fun we had that day, and how much I love them.

How have you approached the look of your wedding party? Do you want a uniform aesthetic or are you more laissez faire about it?

 

  • 3/20

    I want to talk about our wedding party.

    There seem to be a lot of traditions and rules in North American/European anglophone culture surrounding bridesmaids and groomsmen that there is heavy pressure to follow. I imagine that if you have been reading my posts thus far, you probably know how I feel about arbitrary rules, especially if they are outdated, rooted in sexism or classism and/or expensive.

    SpongeBob Doesn't GAF

    (Coincidentally, its also how I feel about using outdated memes.)

    Here are some of the rules that I have observed (Although, I know that some of them are undergoing shifts, and there are many regional and cultural variations):

    • The bride must have a maid of honor and the groom must have a best man.
    • There must be an equal number of bridesmaids and groomsmen.
    • Brides have bridesmaids, grooms have groomsmen.

    So, unsurprisingly, I am rejecting some of these rules.

    First of all neither of us have a clearly delineated “best friend” who we feel comfortable elevating over the others, and we both have multiple siblings. For some people, there’s an easy answer for who will be the best man and maid of honor. For us, there isn’t — so we aren’t going to have them.

    Second, Ev and I have friends of all genders, so we have a couple of bridesmen, and groomswomen.

    Given that we’ve known each other for 11 years, and have been dating for five, There are a few people who are as much my friend as his, and could as easily be on my “side” as his. He also makes friends more easily than I do, and has moved all over the country, so he’s asked seven people (five men, two of which are the potential overlappers, and two women) while I’ve asked four women. Whether separated by gender or by side, there’s not going to be symmetry. In lieu of either cutting people out, or asking more people, I just threw up my hands and said, “screw it.” The photos of us all together will be lopsided. We will deal.

    Therefore, we’ve established that it’s more of a collective “wedding party” than two separate ones.

    I know that this will create a few questions in terms of how that’s going to look in terms of bachelor/bachelorette parties, getting ready the morning of and so on, but I’m sure we will figure it out along the way, and handle it.

    To be continued …

     

  • 2/24

    Harwick Duffel Bag, $98 from J. Crew Let's talk about baggage (no, not THAT kind of baggage). Planning a honeymoon in Hawaii? A getaway wedding in New Hampshire? No matter what the occasion is, when it comes to prepping for a trip, quality luggage should always be the first thing you consider. Shoddy luggage will wear quickly with all the throwing around and your stuff…

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    2/10

    Vintage Sign available from Etsy seller TamarasTreasureTrove Shaving. It can be kind of a pain in the ass, but we have to do it. Even if you have a beard, there’s some maintenance that needs to be done. For your wedding day, I’d 100% recommend you have a professional barber clean you up, but not all of us have that kind of time or cash.…

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    10/21

    Personalized Beer Cooler, $30 from Etsy seller HeritageWedding Gifting is hard. Gifting on a budget is really hard. Especially when it's for your favorite dudes. You want to get your groomsmen something awesome, yet thoughtful — but holy crap everything always seems so expensive. While it would be nice to be able to get them all big screen TVs or spring for a dudes' trip…

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    6/8

    Photo: Sharyn Frenkel Photography Wedding parties. They can be a real pain in the ass. Who do you choose? Is your sibling the automatic choice for maid of honor or best man? Do you have to include someone just because you were a member of their wedding party? What if said wedding was like a decade ago ... is there a time limit? My answers are whomever…

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    11/6

    Image: Whitney Huynh Alright grooms, step aside — this one’s for the Best Man. The day of the wedding is a big day for your bestie, so make sure something small doesn’t fuck it all up. He’ll thank you for life if you take all the right measures and plan it out properly. Trust me, I’ve been in a lot of weddings and you’d be amazed…

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    11/6

    Hello again, BABs! While we very (im)patiently wait for our wedding album to appear, I thought I would share with you one of my favorite wedding related things: PRESENTS! No, not for us. But for our amazingly awesome wedding party members. I love, love giving gifts and finding amazing deals! If you've been following my posts for a while, you know that I don't like things…

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    6/13

    With Father's Day this weekend -- and for those nearlyweds, nuptials on the horizon -- it's about time we turn our attention to the male set for  a hot second, because they need love too. I've always enjoyed how cool and different cufflinks are -- like awesome statement jewelry for dudes. And just as representative of individual personalities as that schamazing cocktail ring or pendant necklace. So for this…

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