Now that all the wedding madness is over and we’re getting back to real life (and getting those damn thank you cards out — guess they’re going with our Christmas cards now!), I’d like to pause and reflect on what it’s like going through this whole process for a second time.
Some Real Bride realness: It sucks to come out as a second time bride. I told you guys from the start, because what good is this blog if we lie to you? But I found myself keeping that little tidbit of information from vendors and salespeople.
Why would I do a little thing like that?
Well, for one, there’s a lot of shame in play here. I’m 29 years old, and got engaged for the second time at 28. Even though divorces are pretty common (hell, our two head BABs have both been divorced), and even more common among people who get married young (I was 21 the first time), I felt like a failure. It turns out this happens to a lot of people. No matter who’s wrong or right, or what happened, there’s a sense of being publicly judged as a failure because you couldn’t keep your marriage together. My first marriage was based on low self-esteem and my fear of being alone. Staying in it would have been the real failure. But that’s not something you explain to a random person on the street, and so you end up avoiding the topic with everyone but your close friends.
For another, just because it was my second wedding doesn’t mean that it was my husband’s second wedding. There’s a strong undercurrent in a lot of second wedding information implying that, once you’ve already had one pretty princess day, it’s tacky to want another. Does he suddenly not deserve to have the wedding he wants because he chose me? A low key, non-traditional wedding that you choose is great. A low key, non-traditional, let’s-not-make-a-big-deal wedding that people want to force you into as punishment for your failures is another.
He wanted to see me in a long white dress walking toward him in front of all our friends and family while he stood waiting in a tux. And damn it, that’s what we did.
If you’re a second time bride, you’re allowed to approach your wedding with the exact same attitude every bride should have — trying to create the wedding that you and your fiance want, in a way that you can afford. And best of all? Since you’ve already been through this before, you have a leg up on navigating those confusing waters of wedding planning.
Are you a second-time to-be-wed? How has the process been for you? Share in the comments!