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I’m starting to think that I’m the anti-bride.
Not to mean “single woman” but rather “I do not meet the qualifications of being bride” besides that obvious engaged thing.
This could be because society places a LOT of pressure on brides, granted society places a lot of pressure on many different realms of people, but I’m making this about me.
Society tells me that I should be a “blushing bride,” crazy excited about getting married, which is obviously my destiny since I’m practically a spinster at 31.
Wait, sorry, this is not Pride & Prejudice.
But still, I’m “told” I should be anxious and excited and gracious and happy and definitely NOT a Bridezilla but I also need to plan for these intricate details that 99% of guests will probably not notice and never get overwhelmed in anyway. Except that … I don’t feel like I’m most of those things.
In fact, I feel pretty apathetic to the whole wedding thing.
I feel like planning a wedding is like planning any other party. I’m inviting people to a place to feed them and hang out with them and celebrate something. It’s almost like something hasn’t clicked in my brain to get those giddy feelings. For me, wedding planning has been a transaction — checks in the box, if you will. When my friends and family ask how wedding planning is going, I’m not excited to talk about the details. In fact, my priority is anything but the details. I’ve handed over the reins to my wedding planner and reminded her about our theme (“we’re on a budget”) and I’m hoping that when we meet over the next few months, I will be delighted by her professional choices, because that is her job.
Alissa actually discussed her bridal blues on her last post and I can definitely relate.
That said, there are also pieces I’m waiting on to fall into place and I do not do well with waiting. Is it still Bridezilla if I get ragey about something under not-wedding circumstances? Meganzilla maybe? I definitely become a Meganzilla when I have to wait for things.
I’ve told Timo that he has until the end of July to figure out what he is wearing because I have decisions to make based on what he is wearing. This wouldn’t be a problem except that he bought a suit at the end of June, yet when people ask him what he is wearing he still isn’t certain he’s going to wear the suit he bought.
How do you not know?! Seriously?
I had my dress picked out in February. We finally had a heart-to-heart where I used my scary nice voice and said, “I didn’t think you had a commitment problem when you asked me to marry you. So I can’t understand why it is so hard to pick out an outfit. You are willing to commit to me for the rest of your life, I’m asking you to commit to an outfit for one day. I committed to my outfit nine months before the actual wedding. It’s not that difficult. Just say yes to the suit.” I told him he has until the end of August to pick out his fancy ring (we will also get silicone rings but that is less pressing for me since I know we can order those off Amazon).
My vendors are busy because it’s their busiest time of the year and I’m not on their radar until closer to our date and I struggle with that. I want all the things planned now.
People still haven’t RSVPed. Several people have at least told me why they are waiting to RSVP, but most people haven’t uttered a peep. Do you want to eat at our reception, people?!?
Finally, there are things I just don’t feel like doing.
For example, hiring someone to do my hair and makeup.
I don’t overly care about these things on a daily basis so caring about them for the wedding is extra difficult. I know I want my “hairs did” but then I think of the cost savings of just throwing it up in a ponytail and calling it a day. I would totally use some hair spray to keep the sprigs under control.
P.S. I am just kidding about putting my hair into a ponytail.
Also, everyone I know is better at makeup than I am. A monkey could do my makeup better than me, but I’d have to hire a monkey and well … that undermines the cost savings part of my efforts. The other, bigger problem, is that it is painful to me to find someone to do a test-run in advance. It seems frivolous, but I’ve heard it’s necessary.
Oh and one last thing: school starts at the end of August and I’d really like all these loose ends to be taken care of. I am well aware that almost none of them will be because it’s still too early for my vendors. Imagine Timo’s delight when I warned him that October will be a stressful month because of school and wedding and visitors and that whole “Hurricane or No Hurricane” game that we will be playing because we are in Charleston. He may have actually joked and said that sounded like a good time for him to go to Germany … My glare in response was not joking.
Please don’t misunderstand, I am beyond thrilled to be getting married to my best friend.
It’s the whole planning-a-wedding thing that I’m not ecstatic about. When I proposed we elope, I wasn’t kidding. Sadly, Timo said no. I feel overwhelmed by all the details and I am actively avoiding reading anything wedding related with “must have” or “must do” in the title.