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Credit: A Sight of Love
I thought about not writing this post in quite this tone, but then I wondered what else I would write about and how I would write it. So please bear with me, and I hope I don’t seem too Debbie Downer right now. But the bridal blues has hit.
Wedding planning has completely stalled.
I have an appointment in a few weeks (I think, because I haven’t heard from the venue since I first met with them) to go over seating arrangements, decorations, cake, menu, etc. Other than that, nothing has happened. I have my dress, I’ve sent out my save the dates. I’ve asked Chris for addresses for his friends for over a month now, so at this point his friends aren’t getting theirs. Hopefully he’ll get me the addresses for the actual invitations. I need to get the girls their flower girl dresses and shoes, my bridesmaids need to get their dresses, I need to order my shoes and figure out hair and makeup and babysitting for the kids for after the ceremony. There are a million and one things I need to do, and should be doing, but I haven’t. And I don’t know why.
Don’t get me wrong, I want to get married, I’m still excited to get married.
There has just been a lot going on in my personal life that has been distracting me. Chris, as I think I’ve mentioned before, is in the middle of a paramedic certification class that involves 1-2 classes a week, plus clinical hours at various hospitals. I feel like he’s never home, and when he is home he’s studying or I’m more concerned with him spending time with the kids, who don’t understand why he’s gone. I seem to have a knack for asking questions about the wedding at the exact wrong time, which annoys him and irritates me because I feel like he’s not taking it seriously. Everyone keeps telling me that the bride does most of the planning, but I’m getting tired of that excuse. I don’t want to do this without him, and I feel like I’m out of luck on that front. I’m getting resentful of it, I’m not going to lie. I have help from my friends and from my mom, but I want the help of the person I’m marrying.
I also have a lot of stuff going on with my family (that I won’t go into detail here) that has been stressing me out and distracting me. And on top of that I went to the dentist yesterday and I have to get a root canal, which is not cheap and obviously not comfortable either. So that is another financial stressor that I really didn’t want to deal with right now, because the appointment with the venue involves me putting down the first half of the wedding payment. That in itself is causing me mild heart palpitations.
I’m just frustrated.
Frustrated with everything going on in my life, and frustrated with myself that I can’t just be happy and peppy and totally obsessed with planning everything. And I know that’s silly, I’m human and allowed to be overwhelmed by my fiance and my kids and my full time job and my marathon training (oh man, I have to start that in a couple of weeks. Son of a … ) and my family and money. But I need to dig myself out of this funk, and I’m not having much luck.