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When this post goes live, I’ll probably still be sleeping off my bachelorette party. I am writing from the night before my bachelorette party, though, with hope in my heart and excitement in my belly. So as I lay me down to rest, I pray my party is the best:
Our Woo Girls Who Art in Heaven
A Prayer on the Eve of my Bachelorette Party
May I get drunk, but not too drunk. Sub-prayers:
- I would rather not turn into a crying mess of “I’m so sorry for [transgression from college years]! I love you sooooo much!”
- I would also like to not become physically ill.
- A hangover is OK, though. I have purchased pre-emptive Gatorade.
- I would like my memories intact. Because I intend to make some memories.
May I not be the drunkest one there. Or god forbid the only drunk one. For saddest is the Woo Girl who Woos alone.
May I make it through the daytime winery-visit portion without spilling any vino on the borrowed white dress I will be wearing.
May I pull off the little black dress I have planned for the evening bar-hopping portion, despite my fears that a little black dress is too boring for words no matter how rocking the underlying bod may be.
May my feet not hurt despite my unreasonably-tall shoes.
And despite all the dancing I wish to do? And may some of that dancing happen on a bartop or at least a table?
May I fight off DrunkFace and manage to look cute in photographs even into the more slurred hours of the evening.
May the people I meet on the South Side [for the non-Pittsburghers, the South Side is the clogged storm drain of the city collecting a filmy puddle of under-dressed women, Ed Hardy enthusiasts, and Blue Curaçao] be skeevy in the blog-worthy stories way, not the “I need to file a police report” way.
May I run into another Bachelorette Party and have a bonding moment, but also clearly be having more fun than they are.
And Woo Girls, most of all, may I have fun? And may all my bachelorette-ettes also have fun? Let it be a great party.
Oh, and one more thing: May I be spared from penis-shaped novelty items, generally.
What are your hopes for your bachelorette party?