6/12 Our Woo Girls Who Art in Heaven

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When this post goes live, I’ll probably still be sleeping off my bachelorette party. I am writing from the night before my bachelorette party, though, with hope in my heart and excitement in my belly. So as I lay me down to rest, I pray my party is the best:

Our Woo Girls Who Art in Heaven
A Prayer on the Eve of my Bachelorette Party

[Advantage Bridal]

May I get drunk, but not too drunk. Sub-prayers:

  • I would rather not turn into a crying mess of “I’m so sorry for [transgression from college years]! I love you sooooo much!”
  • I would also like to not become physically ill.
  • A hangover is OK, though. I have purchased pre-emptive Gatorade.
  • I would like my memories intact. Because I intend to make some memories.

May I not be the drunkest one there. Or god forbid the only drunk one. For saddest is the Woo Girl who Woos alone.

May I make it through the daytime winery-visit portion without spilling any vino on the borrowed white dress I will be wearing.

May I pull off the little black dress I have planned for the evening bar-hopping portion, despite my fears that a little black dress is too boring for words no matter how rocking the underlying bod may be.

May my feet not hurt despite my unreasonably-tall shoes.

And despite all the dancing I wish to do? And may some of that dancing happen on a bartop or at least a table?

May I fight off DrunkFace and manage to look cute in photographs even into the more slurred hours of the evening.

May the people I meet on the South Side [for the non-Pittsburghers, the South Side is the clogged storm drain of the city collecting a filmy puddle of under-dressed women, Ed Hardy enthusiasts, and Blue Curaçao] be skeevy in the blog-worthy stories way, not the “I need to file a police report” way.

May I run into another Bachelorette Party and have a bonding moment, but also clearly be having more fun than they are.

And Woo Girls, most of all, may I have fun? And may all my bachelorette-ettes also have fun? Let it be a great party.

Oh, and one more thing:  May I be spared from penis-shaped novelty items, generally.

What are your hopes for your bachelorette party?


  • This is awesome. I may have to create something similar for my Bachelorette party in two weeks. Hope you had a blast!

  • Oh pretty much that! Drunk, but not too drunk, and not the only one drunk! And no mechanical bulls. And unforgettable fun. 🙂

  • kidding with that. try "your guardian angel" by red jumpsuit apparatus, but do your own rendition of it to fit the style you want.

  • But the mechanical bull at Saddleridge is practically a must-do for any bachelorette party!

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