7/17 Graceless Moments on the Eve of my Wedding

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Tomorrow is my wedding day, and when this post goes live, barring disaster, I will be married.  As Joey Lawrence might say, whoa!

My original plan for this post was to write something thoughtful and profound about how wedding planning has made me a better person, strengthened my relationship with Collin, and helped unite our two families.  Those things are all true,  but I don’t actually have the emotional reserves (or the TIME!) to expound upon that. So just trust it: this is all worth it.

But the “this” of Wedding Week includes a series of hyper-emotional Graceless Moments (referred to by some as “freak-outs”).  Here is an incredibly non-comprehensive list of things that have set me off during wedding Crunch Time:

  • Collin continuing to swing his keys after I told him not to (“You’re going to give me ANOTHER facial scar right before our wedding!”)
  • Accidentally turning on to Route 28 on my way to yoga class, putting me in slow-moving traffic going past TWO closed bridges before I could turn around.  [I missed the class.]
  • Discovering a bright red bump on the end of my nose that appears to absorb concealer like light into a black hole.
  • Being rudely dismissed from a Judaica store when I wanted to buy a bag for Collin’s ceremony-stomp glass.  (“You can’t just buy the bag. The bag comes with the glass.  Everyone does it that way [you foolish shiksa.]
  • Finding out I’d stranded my aunt on my porch for half an hour because I didn’t hear her knock over our jet-engine box fan and my phone was still on silent from that morning’s yoga.
  • Not being able to find my wedding lipstick. (I realize I can just go buy a new on.  I’M TIRED OF BUYING THINGS.)
  • Getting the mean end of a staple stuck under my thumbnail while trying to free my anxiety medicine from its Rx bag.
  • Running low on super-glue.
  • Being told I should sacrifice the last batch of cookies to the demands of the timeline. [Spoiler alert: I should have]
  • My peach cookies coming out looking more like orange yo-yos and tasting not much better.
  • Discovering that our wedding hotel requires use of your room keycard to use the elevator, and that the card reader is finicky and completely flummoxes any guest over the age of 55, thus causing tremendous backups in the elevator lobby.
  • Having to share an incredibly cramped elevator (after my travel-savvy Aunt snatched the key card out of some dude’s hand to make it work, earning her Wedding Hero points) while I had my wedding dress across my back in a fireman’s carry.
  • My wedding dress not fitting in the closet in my sister’s hotel room, which seemingly has no other hanger-able surfaces.  She eventually rigged something with a standing lamp and two chairs, while I sat on the bed and let out a couple of tears.
  • Finding out that my in-law’s suite has a leaky ceiling.  What if my sister’s suite leaks too and my dress gets moldy death water on it?
  • Somehow becoming the point-person when our entire combined families decided to take over the back room of a restaurant without having a) a count of how many seats we needed b) more than half of those people present and accounted for c) permission from the restaurant to take the tables we were trying to take.  Pro tip: when this sort of thing happens, you appoint “deal with it” responsibilities to THE NEAREST PERSON, and you say, “I’m so sorry but I really have a lot to do at home! Have a wonderful evening!”   That’s not what I did.  I slinked over to my Aunt and said, “We’re leaving NOW.”]
  • One of Collin’s cats eating a bunch of the gold tinsel I had in the bridal party gift bags, and then vomiting up tinsel hairballs.

So, yeah, Graceless Moments happen.  At my worst, yesterday, I fretted that I would feel this way on our wedding day, and consequently not be truly emotionally present for it.  And I don’t know if that is going to

Can you admit to any Graceless Moments in your wedding planning?

-Robin.

  • Jamie

    "Discovering that our wedding hotel requires use of your room keycard to use the elevator, and that the card reader is finicky and completely flummoxes any guest over the age of 55, thus causing tremendous backups in the elevator lobby."

    This happened to me. And since my reception was also in that hotel, it also baffled my drunk friends (who are all engineers and thus should've found it an easy task) after the reception and most of them ended up riding the elevator for 20 minutes or so because they couldn't figure out how to make it go to their floor. There was also some kind of conference going on, and the elevator was always full, so very full. It was a Christian homeschooling convention, and I don't think they appreciated the f-bombs coming from my guests mouths as they tried to make the elevator work.

  • The ENTIRE week, and especially day, before our wedding was one big lack of grace. Getting lost on the way to my dad's condo for a bbq (on the same property as our hotel. And really freaking easy to find). Snapping at my poor aunt for her unlucky circumstance of being the bajillionth person that week to ask us how we were doing/were we nervous/etc. Blowing up ad el padrito and the stepmonster at the airport at 7 am for WHISTLING. I hate whistling. Especially when it's "Here Comes the Bride." Breaking down at aforementioned BBQ with Aussie, completely crumbling under pressure. I seriously had ZERO control over the tears.

    So, SOOOO many.

  • Springflower

    I am cracking up laughing tis whole article made me laugh so much and the comments don't worry all these things you are going to look back at and holla!!!! =D
    I am in the midst of planning my wedding for May 2010!! i am totally having a DIY wedding/come as you are to frills just pure Fun and love event so whatever happens happens as long as at the end of the day we are married:)