4/5 Coffee Filters… Who Knew?!?

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Monday morning and you stumble out of bed. “Man oh man, I need some caffeine” you think. You fumble around the cupboard grab some roast, a filter, and stick it in the machine as you flip the switch to “Awake”.

While you fumble for a cup, you hear the soothing percolating gurgle almost whispering, “No worries, we’ll have you twitching with productivity soon.” And you mutter, “I can do anything as long as I’ve got coffee.” Then you hear a voice, almost like a mouse reply, “I can do pretty much anything too, and I don’t need coffee.”

“Who the!?” you yelp, as you swing around. “No worries!” The voice squeaks from the cupboard, “It’s just me, your friendly package of coffee filters.”
“But filters can’t talk!” You reply.
“What, you think all we do is filter coffee!? Rather than get offended, let me just tell you all the things we can do.”

“My caffeine brings all the boys to the yard…”, sang the filter. Can you say Great Budget Wedding idea?! Coffee liner garlands are perfect! (image via Creature Comforts)

“Coffee Filters are super cheap and can be used for all sorts of things like:

1) Clean windows, mirrors, and chrome…  Coffee filters are lint-free so they’ll leave windows sparkling.

2) Filter broken cork from wine.  If you break the cork when opening a wine  bottle, filter the wine through a coffee filter.

3)  Put baking soda into a coffee filter and insert into shoes or a closet to absorb or prevent odors.

4)  Apply shoe polish.  Ball up a lint-free coffee filter.

5)  Recycle frying oil.  After frying, strain oil through a sieve  lined with a coffee filter.

6)  Hold tacos.  Coffee filters make convenient wrappers for messy foods.

7)  Stop the soil from leaking out of a plant pot.  Line a plant  pot with a coffee filter to prevent the soil from going through  the drainage holes.

8 ) Prevent a Popsicle from dripping.  Poke one or two holes as  needed in a coffee filter.

9)  As a sewing backing.  Use a filter as an easy-to-tear backing for embroidering or appliquéing soft fabrics.

10)  Protect a cast-iron skillet.  Place a coffee filter in the  skillet to absorb moisture and prevent rust.

11) Use them to strain soup stock and to tie fresh herbs in to put in soups and stews.

12)  Use a coffee filter to prevent spilling when you add fluids to your car.

13)  Use them to remove fingernail polish when out of cotton balls.

14)  Use them to sprout seeds..  Simply dampen the coffee filter, place seeds inside, fold it and place it into a plastic baggie until they sprout.”

You stumble back with amazement.

“Wow I had no idea you could use coffee filters for some many things.”

The filter puffs up it’s folds with pride gloating, “Yeah and you can find us at the dollar store for super cheap, but try and get us recycled because us recycled folks are better for the earth. Do you believe in reincarnation?”

Taken off gaurd by this question you reply, “Wait, did a coffee filter really ask me if I believe in Reincarnation?”
“Well excuuuuuuuse me,  you’re the one having a conversation with an inanimate object, but it’s soooo weird if it asks you about re-incarnation? Wake up and smell the coffee! Hay Oh! Coffee filter humor coming at ya.”

“No not a coffee filter joke!!!” You yell as you shoot straight up, only to realize you are still in bed and it was all a dream. “Oh my god” you think, “I read that email my mom sent me about how useful coffee filters are, and then I dreamt I was talking to one. That was too weird.”

You stumble out of bed and wander towards the coffee maker reaching into the pantry to grab a filter. “Goooooooooood Morning!” you hear from a mouse like voice…

What alternate tasks do you use coffee filters for? Hopefully you picked up some wedding inspiration in this post! Let us know what everyday objects inspire you!

Christen Moynihan is the Editorial Manager/ Accounts Goddess/ Unicorn Wrangler for The Broke-Ass Bride. Lover of swimming, tattoos, elephants, bourbon and Champagne. Culinary crusader, adventure advocate, kitty cuddler. Nomad, extroverted-introvert and geek fo lyfe. High-fives are her currency. Affiliate links, like the ones in this post, help make her real money so she can keep rocking life, broke-ass style. Play along on Twitter (BrokeAssChris10), Pinterest (brokeasschris10) and Instagram (brokeasschris10). If you're curious about the world of affiliate marketing, check her out at Bourbon & Sparkle