Broke-Ass Category: Real Talk

8/8

Credit: Little Wedding Extras

It has come to my attention that I may be a cheap-ass rather than a minimalist. Earlier this week, a friend called me in a crisis asking me for ideas on favors she might be able to do for another friend’s bridal shower. She was out of time, trying not to spend a lot and trying not to put forth that much effort. Other than being proud of myself for being the person she called to help her brainstorm on how to meet all those objectives, I was befuddled and admitted:

“I’m not even sure we’re doing favors for the wedding.”

Nonetheless, like a good friend, I hopped on Pinterest and we had a quick brainstorming session. Of course, I got some ideas for things we could do for favors, but all I kept coming back to was, “How much are those going to cost?”

Now, we, as a collective group of Broke-Asses can appreciate the self-reflection of “how much does that cost?” But I’m wondering if I’ve taken it too far. I’m wondering if my refusal to pay for “trivial” things (favors, an aisle runner, chair covers, most everything in any article with a title that includes “must have”) is making me look more like a cheap-ass and less like an economically-minded minimalist.

I think this also falls back to my last post about being an anti-bride.

I never dreamed of my wedding day as a girl. I did indulge in college with my suitemates on a $10 Knot magazine and we all took turns flipping through it and earmarking pages with all the pretty things we liked on them. But that was pretty much the sum of my “wedding fever.” I can’t say I didn’t have “groom fever” that may have been mislabeled as “wedding fever” — a common misconception, IMO. But since Timo proposed, my approach to all things wedding has been to be as practical as possible.

Part of me wonders if I will regret not splurging more (more, as if we aren’t already spending $10,000) and “investing” in the little things. But when I seriously think about it, my final thoughts at the end of the day are that I’d rather save money because we’re probably just going to forget about trivial details and be able to actually invest our money into memories we will have on our honeymoon … like diving the Great Barrier Reef.

Do people actually care about favors?

Side question: How many coozies is it socially acceptable to own? What happens to discarded coozies? Is there a coozie heaven? Why are coozies so popular?

Also, I am making it a point not to get caught up in the hype of all the MUST DO things. I don’t care about a sit down meal and as Timo said, I’d rather serve delicious food than overpriced “good” food. I don’t care about putting our wedding hashtag on everything. I don’t care about chair covers. I don’t care about table numbers or place cards. I don’t even care about a send off, despite knowing how cool some of the photos could be if we used glow sticks or sparklers.

At the end of the day, I want to be married, maybe have a few good pictures by my very well-paid photographer (OK, wayyy more than a few based on how much I’m paying him), maybe video evidence that we wrote our own vows and promised “for forever” and have gotten to eat the BBQ and cupcakes we are paying for. Oh yeah, and maybe to have a few adult beverages and not completely fail at the first dance we are paying to learn.

This is where my groom comes in.

If he cares about these things, I tell him to act on these tasks, otherwise, it becomes a money saving opportunity.  For now, I’m going to cling tight to my title as a Broke-Ass Bride and use it as a cost-savings opportunity.

PS. I swear that if he tells me in the next three months that he wants to do coozies as a favor for our guests, I’m going to throw the coozie drawer (yep, there are so many they have their own drawer) at him … with LOVE.

 

  • 7/27

    Shirt available from Etsy seller OldCollegeTryPress

    I’m starting to think that I’m the anti-bride.

    Not to mean “single woman” but rather “I do not meet the qualifications of being bride” besides that obvious engaged thing.

    This could be because society places a LOT of pressure on brides, granted society places a lot of pressure on many different realms of people, but I’m making this about me.

    via GIPHY

    Society tells me that I should be a “blushing bride,” crazy excited about getting married, which is obviously my destiny since I’m practically a spinster at 31.

    Wait, sorry, this is not Pride & Prejudice.

    But still, I’m “told” I should be anxious and excited and gracious and happy and definitely NOT a Bridezilla but I also need to plan for these intricate details that 99% of guests will probably not notice and never get overwhelmed in anyway. Except that … I don’t feel like I’m most of those things.

    In fact, I feel pretty apathetic to the whole wedding thing.

    I feel like planning a wedding is like planning any other party. I’m inviting people to a place to feed them and hang out with them and celebrate something. It’s almost like something hasn’t clicked in my brain to get those giddy feelings. For me, wedding planning has been a transaction — checks in the box, if you will. When my friends and family ask how wedding planning is going, I’m not excited to talk about the details. In fact, my priority is anything but the details. I’ve handed over the reins to my wedding planner and reminded her about our theme (“we’re on a budget”) and I’m hoping that when we meet over the next few months, I will be delighted by her professional choices, because that is her job.

    Alissa actually discussed her bridal blues on her last post and I can definitely relate.

    That said, there are also pieces I’m waiting on to fall into place and I do not do well with waiting. Is it still Bridezilla if I get ragey about something under not-wedding circumstances? Meganzilla maybe? I definitely become a Meganzilla when I have to wait for things.

    I’ve told Timo that he has until the end of July to figure out what he is wearing because I have decisions to make based on what he is wearing. This wouldn’t be a problem except that he bought a suit at the end of June, yet when people ask him what he is wearing he still isn’t certain he’s going to wear the suit he bought.

    How do you not know?! Seriously?

    I had my dress picked out in February. We finally had a heart-to-heart where I used my scary nice voice and said, “I didn’t think you had a commitment problem when you asked me to marry you. So I can’t understand why it is so hard to pick out an outfit. You are willing to commit to me for the rest of your life, I’m asking you to commit to an outfit for one day. I committed to my outfit nine months before the actual wedding. It’s not that difficult. Just say yes to the suit.” I told him he has until the end of August to pick out his fancy ring (we will also get silicone rings but that is less pressing for me since I know we can order those off Amazon).

    My vendors are busy because it’s their busiest time of the year and I’m not on their radar until closer to our date and I struggle with that. I want all the things planned now.

    People still haven’t RSVPed. Several people have at least told me why they are waiting to RSVP, but most people haven’t uttered a peep. Do you want to eat at our reception, people?!?

    Finally, there are things I just don’t feel like doing.

    For example, hiring someone to do my hair and makeup.

    I don’t overly care about these things on a daily basis so caring about them for the wedding is extra difficult. I know I want my “hairs did” but then I think of the cost savings of just throwing it up in a ponytail and calling it a day. I would totally use some hair spray to keep the sprigs under control.

    P.S. I am just kidding about putting my hair into a ponytail.

    Also, everyone I know is better at makeup than I am. A monkey could do my makeup better than me, but I’d have to hire a monkey and well … that undermines the cost savings part of my efforts. The other, bigger problem, is that it is painful to me to find someone to do a test-run in advance. It seems frivolous, but I’ve heard it’s necessary.

    Oh and one last thing: school starts at the end of August and I’d really like all these loose ends to be taken care of. I am well aware that almost none of them will be because it’s still too early for my vendors. Imagine Timo’s delight when I warned him that October will be a stressful month because of school and wedding and visitors and that whole “Hurricane or No Hurricane” game that we will be playing because we are in Charleston. He may have actually joked and said that sounded like a good time for him to go to Germany …  My glare in response was not joking.

    Please don’t misunderstand, I am beyond thrilled to be getting married to my best friend.

    It’s the whole planning-a-wedding thing that I’m not ecstatic about. When I proposed we elope, I wasn’t kidding.  Sadly, Timo said no. I feel overwhelmed by all the details and I am actively avoiding reading anything wedding related with “must have” or “must do” in the title.

    Is it just me? Am I really the anti-bride? Will those giddy feelings eventually hit me when everything starts to come together?

  • 7/12

    I have hit my planning plateau. I was told by many vendors that I was waaayyy ahead of the game when I was looking for our essentials in January with a wedding in November. That didn't bother me one bit. There were days when I felt like all I thought about was Wedding. I won't lie, it was annoying. I felt like other things in my…

    Read the full article →
    Share this!

    7/6

    Download available from Etsy seller WhiteFeathersDesign I will admit, I am not on online shopping. I prefer the "touch and feel" shopping experience! On the other hand, when your time is limited, you need to buy a gazillion items and you are looking for the best deal, online shopping becomes your best friend! I've secured some awesome deals and sharing is caring, so here are…

    Read the full article →
    Share this!

    7/5

    Wedding planning definitely teaches you a lot of lessons about yourself and you as a couple that you might not have previously known. It has brought my little sister and I much closer together. We are five years apart and were never really close until maybe a year or two ago. I wish I had asked her to be my maid of honor. The idea never…

    Read the full article →
    Share this!

    7/3

    Credit: A Sight of Love I thought about not writing this post in quite this tone, but then I wondered what else I would write about and how I would write it. So please bear with me, and I hope I don't seem too Debbie Downer right now. But the bridal blues has hit. Wedding planning has completely stalled. I have an appointment in a…

    Read the full article →
    Share this!

    6/19

    I got engaged Memorial Day Weekend in 2016. We set our wedding date for September of the next year because September is a special month for us and it gave us about 15 months to save for our wedding. I asked all my girls to be my bridesmaids and I was locked and loaded to go. I was trying to be gracious. Then one of…

    Read the full article →
    Share this!

    6/13

    Hello fellow BABs! I'm back with Part 2 of my Ten Broke-Ass Bride Commandments. I know you have wedding planning and general badassery to get to; so let's get right into it. Ten Broke-Ass Bride Commandments 6. Thou Shalt Not Feel Guilty for Cutting your Guest List. The size of your guest list is what drives up the cost of your wedding; mo’ guests equals mo’ money…

    Read the full article →
    Share this!

    6/12

    Wedding countdown chalkboard available from Etsy seller LavishLilLuxuries Earlier this month, it was the one-year anniversary of the day he proposed. Not to sound cliche, but I cant believe how much time has flown since then. We've also hit the three-month countdown until the wedding and that is an incredibly exciting and yet terrifying feeling. While we have all of our gotten our vendors booked, deposits…

    Read the full article →