11/1 Ask Liz: Wedding Pressure Present, Past, and Future

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Dear Liz: 

I’ve never had to deal with family drama in the past. My fiancé’s family is full of family drama and I’m worried it might affect the wedding. I don’t want any feelings hurt, but am not sure what to do about it. What am I entitled/able to do in this situation? It’s been quite tricky.


Sucked from the Sidelines

Dear Sidelines,

Yeah, it’s fun, isn’t it? You can’t change them, they’ve been that way for decades. Stay out of the way, and out of the line of fire – smile, shrug, and position yourself slightly behind your fiancé as much as possible. Seriously, for the most part, let your fiancé deal with them, he knows how. Decades, remember. As far as it affecting your wedding, just be clear about you and your fiancés plans, ask him to be clear about your plans, and proceed as though those plans are going to take place. Smile shrug, get out of the way and do your thing. I know, easier said than done. Hang in there.

Dear Liz, 

I got married on September 21st this year and a week after my wedding I had a major foot operation and have been trying to recoup and recover from. My thing is, is that I haven’t gotten to send out thank you cards, yet. We’re not much for tradition, but I’d still like to send them out. Most everyone who attended our wedding knows about my operation, so do you think they will understand why it’s taking me so long to send out thank you cards?


Lost in Traction

Dear Traction,

“So long”? It’s been a month! Have you even seen any pictures from your photographer, yet? It’s great that you’re being so conscientious about this, but traditionally, you have a year to send them, and I’m sure you’ll get them out way before that. Until you can, go sit down/lie down,  rest your leg, and stop being so hard on yourself, okay?

Dear Liz, 

I’m not engaged yet, but I feel like when that time comes, I will be overwhelmed with the groom’s mom’s invitation list…excluding just the family. What should I do?


Ringed in Anticipation

Dear Anticipation,

Stop future-tripping. You’re about three steps ahead of yourself, and I’m worried that once you do get engaged, you won’t be able to enjoy it because you’re worried about what’s two steps after that.  Get engaged, blind people with the ring for a few minutes and then do what everyone else does, in this order: Decide on a budget and the number of guests you’re comfortable with, find a place to have it, and go from there. Don’t drown yourself in “buts” and “what Ifs.”

Are his family dynamics bugging you? And what are you future-tripping about right now? Let us know in the comments below what kind of pressure you’re facing!

See you at the end of the aisle,

Liz Coopersmith is the owner of Silver Charm Events, a wedding planning service in Los Angeles. She's also a regular contributor to the Huffington Post and the author of "DIY Your DOC: Do-it Yourself Wedding Day Coordination." Follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.