2/15 {Ask Liz} How To Handle Wedding-Related Sibling Drama

We may earn money or products from the companies mentioned in this post. By clicking on the links and making a purchase, you're helping to support the site so we can keep bringing you badass ideas.

Do you have a burning question for Liz? Go to the Contact page and let us know what’s up!

This kind of happiness is a choice your sister can make, too. (Photo by Style Art Life)

Dear Liz,

I’m experiencing a little bit of a rough spot. I’m the middle of three sisters. My younger sister and I are close while my older sister and I only talk when I make the effort to reach out, and even then it’s not reciprocated most of the time. I just found out that my mother asked my older sister and her five children to be part of the wedding. I didn’t want to have my older sister nor any children be part of the wedding. I’ve reached out to older sis only to be hung up on and then have her shut her phone off.

After leaving a message and not hearing back from her, I reached out via email,  which she read and ignored (I know she read it as my mom told younger sis that older sis had said I sent a nasty email).  Drama level is high and we are three months away from my wedding day. Older sister is now threatening not to attend the wedding as she and her kids are not going to be in it.  Mom is mad because this is “tearing the family apart, ” and she is putting pressure on me  to change things. Problem is, I don’t want to. HELP!


Wedding Box Canyon-ed

Dear Box,

People, man, seriously. Okay, here is your last ditch effort, and then you need to wash your hands of it. Send an email to your older sister asking her for a time to talk on the phone, and cc: your Mom and little sis. Give her a very specific day and time and tell her if that won’t work, to let you know what day and time does. Make it clear that you want to talk to her about the wedding and about your relationship. Come up with a compromise (what ARE you okay with her or her family doing at the wedding?), or at the very least, emphasize that you want her to be there, because she’s your sister and you love her. Leading with the truth (no matter how annoying she is) is good.  If she doesn’t get back to you either directly or through your Mother or little sister, then you have literally done everything that you could with your younger sister and mother bearing witness. And, if your Mother says anything, the only thing you should do is confirm that you did everything you could, and it’s up to your sister now. Which, it is. Good luck.

It’s the old question: Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? You’ve chosen “happy” in trying to amend things with your sister so everyone can be at your wedding together and this won’t be a pox on your family until the end of time. Your sister has chosen “right.” She wants to be right in being offended, and since she’s offended she’s right to not want to talk to you, to involve the rest of your family in this, even if it means, well, that there will be a pox on your family until the end of time. If she wanted to be happy, she would pick up the phone or try and resolve this with you. What she is doing is not about you, it’s about her. Remember that, if she still won’t talk with you about what’s going on.

Anyone else experiencing sibling drama and figured out another way to deal with it? Or do you need help with the one you’re going through? Let us know…in the comments below. And if you would like to find out more about me and my part of Wedding World, visit www.silvercharmevents.com.

See you at the end of the aisle,

Liz Coopersmith is the owner of Silver Charm Events, a wedding planning service in Los Angeles. She's also a regular contributor to the Huffington Post and the author of "DIY Your DOC: Do-it Yourself Wedding Day Coordination." Follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.