1/11 Ask Liz: Exes On The Guest List & Save The Date Dilemmas

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Dear Liz,

I’m getting married this summer, and we just booked our venue. My mom says that I need to send out Save The Dates, but aren’t you supposed to use your engagement photos on those? We don’t have a photographer yet! Are save the dates necessary, and if so, how do we do it if we don’t have pictures?


 Out of dates for save-the-dates

Dear Out,

I’m not the hugest fan of save the dates, but the “Wedding World” has overruled me on that one. It takes too much time and money and stress, when you could just send an email to announce your engagement, and then send invites in enough time for people to get their plane flights. Save the $100+ for stamps and favors. But as I said, overruled. There are a ton of non-picture based options out there. There are a couple on my Pinterest board too. That being said, you’re still probably not going to get them for another week or two, another week or two to package them and ship them out … and then you’re sending out actual invites only a couple of months after that. You and your mom are the only ones who can say if it’s worth it.

Dear Liz,

I am starting the process of planning my wedding, and I keep thinking about my fiance’s guest list. I know its going to be long (close to 100, easy).  We are on a tight budget, and my side of the family and friends are maybe going to be 30 at most. My concern is two- fold…

1. I have never met most of the people he plans on inviting and I’m  socially awkward when it comes to meeting new people, and…

2. Some of them are a part of the dreaded ex’s family, since they are “friends of the family.”  I have said something, which has gone ignored or forgotten about, but do I make a stand to say “No” to the ex,  or do I take it with a grain of salt?


Over Guest-ing

Dear Over,

If you two haven’t written the list out, yet, then you’re doing a little bit of “future tripping” here –worrying about a problem that’s not a verified problem yet. Get his list, and then see what issues there actually are. It’s not unusual to invite a bunch of people that you haven’t met before — there are probably a few on your side that he’s not familiar with either. But seriously, if your numbers have to be tight, start with saying NO to inviting his ex’s family, for starters.

If he starts to complain about it, counter with numbers. I.E., five more people x $79.95 = a lot. Firm, but calm. Keep in mind that if they are family friends he probably feels pressure (from somewhere) to invite them. Still, NO.

Do you have exes on your guest list? Did you even bother to send out Save-The-Dates? Let us know below! And, as always, you can find out more about me and my part of wedding world at www.silvercharmevents.com.

See you at the end of the aisle,

Liz Coopersmith is the owner of Silver Charm Events, a wedding planning service in Los Angeles. She's also a regular contributor to the Huffington Post and the author of "DIY Your DOC: Do-it Yourself Wedding Day Coordination." Follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.