2/8 Ask Liz: Bridesmaids & Wedding Vendors You Definitely Don’t Want

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Credit: Lucky Photographer

Dear Liz,
I am in a pickle right now. My Maid of Honor has dropped out of my wedding (for valid reasons) and my older sister is replacing her. She was already a bridesmaid so it just seemed right.  I really want to have the same amount of bridesmaids as groosmen and now I am short one. My parents are pushing me to make my little sister  a bridesmaid. But two things hold me back…

1. She’s only  13.

2. We don’t get along at all.

She was already going to be in the wedding as a candle lighter but that is not good enough for my parents. My problem is that if I put her into the wedding I am afraid she will try and grab the spotlight, and take the day away from my fiance and me, since she is VERY self-centered.  Or, do I not put her in it and let my mother make the rest of my life a living hell? I feel like I won’t win either way. 

Torn Bride

Dear Torn, 

Personally, I think that 13 is a little too young to be a bridesmaid, and an immature 13-year-old is really too young to be a bridesmaid. It’s not the toughest job in the world, but there is a little bit of showing up, paying attention, and having a good attitude about all the showing up and paying attention that is required. Plus, it sounds like you’re going to be distracted either responding to what she’s doing, or waiting for her to do stuff that’s going to piss you off. I’m not really worried about her stealing the spotlight from you, though, trust me, all eyes will be on you for most of the day. And, you know, she definitely won’t be able to go to the bachelorette party!

So, shift the topic with your parents, from “We don’t get along and I don’t want her,” to, “She’s too young. You know how she is, she’s just too young to handle it.” But, before you have another discussion with them, find another alternative. If your older sister is receptive, ask her for help. Is there another friend of yours, or the both of yours who would be happy to do it? Come armed with a name and a confirmation by the next time you talk to your parents. And, let them know you’re going to “upgrade” little sis. She’s lighting the candles now, can she hand out programs before the ceremony? Some way that she can get a little extra attention.

Dear Liz,

Will I be missing out if I don’t have a videographer?  I just don’t think they’re worth the expense.  However, having one’s drunk friend do a less than stellar video isn’t so useful either.

Video Blackout

Dear Blackout,

True, recording-while-drunk never particularly turns out well. It doesn’t really sound like you’re that into it, and seriously, if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. A lot of time  brides feel pushed to do this or that, but really, there aren’t any “haves” in Wedding World, just “wants.” If you don’t want to spend the money, and you don’t see the value of it, don’t do it. That goes for all of your future wedding choices, too.
Would you make the 13-year old a bridesmaid? What type of upgrade would you suggest? Or did you feel pushed into a wedding purchase you didn’t want? Let us know in the comments below. And, if you would like find out a little more about my corner of Wedding World, visit me at www.silvercharmevents.com.
See you at the end of the aisle,
Liz Coopersmith is the owner of Silver Charm Events, a wedding planning service in Los Angeles. She's also a regular contributor to the Huffington Post and the author of "DIY Your DOC: Do-it Yourself Wedding Day Coordination." Follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.