2/28 Ask Heather: My Sister Planned Her Bridal Shower On My Anniversary

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Image courtesy of Joe Lanman

Dear Heather,

I just found out that my sister planned her bridal shower on the same day as my wedding anniversary. It is out of town so I’ll have to go away the whole weekend away from my husband. I already committed to bringing all the food, so I am pretty involved and wish I had been considered in the decision.

Am I being overly sensitive that I wish she would have considered our own anniversary being an important day that I’d want to spend with my husband? I probably would have said it was ok had she asked first, but felt caught off-guard that invitations were sent out with the date chosen already.


Dueling Dates

Dear Dueling,

I do think that you’re being a little sensitive. Here are a few reasons why: (1) Because it’s a shower, I’m assuming someone is throwing it for her, so your sister might not have been the one who chose the date. If the host simply asked about your sister’s availability, she likely just gave that person a list of dates when she was free. (2) Even if your sister did choose the date herself, I suspect it was simply an oversight that she happened to choose your anniversary. Quite honestly, I have no idea when my sister’s anniversary even is, so if I planned something on that date, it wouldn’t dawn on me. And even if your sister knows exactly when your anniversary is, in the moment and with the stress of planning a wedding, she might have forgotten. (3) For some people, anniversaries aren’t all that important. My husband and I rarely do anything for our anniversary, so if one of us were out of town, it wouldn’t be a big deal. Your sister might not have realized that this was going to upset you.

Given all that, it would have been courteous of your sister to check with you in advance, especially if she definitely knew it was your anniversary and knew that it was important to you to spend that specific day with your husband. Unfortunately, you’re now stuck in a situation that will entail being away from your husband on your anniversary, so the two of you need to make the best of it. I have a friend whose husband travels all the time for work, and he’s always out of town for both Valentine’s Day and their anniversary, so they make it work by celebrating on other days. When you really think about it, it isn’t the specific day that matters. What’s important is that you and your husband have been together for another year, and that can be celebrated on any day.

Have you been apart from your spouse on your anniversary? How did you end up celebrating the occasion?

Heather Herrington is the advice columnist for The Broke-Ass Bride. When she's not satisfying the inquisitive nature of the BAB readership, she's likely crafting, trapped with at least one of her pets (one dog, two cats) on her lap, trying to ski but being unable to stop, or dreaming about where she wants to travel next. Feel free to stalk her at her website, on Facebook, or on Pinterest.