7/4 Ask Heather: Bridal Shower Timing and Folks Who Assume They’ll Be Invited to the wedding

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Dear Heather,

How soon is too soon to have a bridal shower? A year? Six months? All of my bridesmaids will have to travel to the city where the shower is being held.


Dear Rebecca,

In part, this depends on how long of an engagement you’re having. Obviously, if your engagement is only five months long, that will somewhat limit when you can have your shower! Based on your question, though, I’m going to assume your engagement is fairly long.

In general, most bridal showers are about 1-3 months prior to the wedding, but I’ve definitely seen some happen as far out as six months beforehand. I wouldn’t stretch it all the way out to a year. Part of the fun of bridal showers is that they help ramp up the excitement for the wedding day, and if it’s too far out, some of that thrill will have died down for the guests. I also wouldn’t wait until too close to the wedding, so attendees don’t have to travel twice — once for the shower and once for the wedding — in a short time span.

In addition to worrying about how far in advance the shower can happen, also take into consideration anything that might affect people’s availability, the biggest of which are holiday weekends. And realize that, no matter how much deliberation you put into choosing a date, some folks won’t be able to attend.

Dear Heather,

How do I handle friends who haven’t made the guest list but very clearly assume they will be attending?


Dear 50Peach,

This will be the fastest answer I’ve ever had to compose, because Offbeat Bride just tackled the issue of uninvited folks RSVPing, as well as loving ways to tell people they aren’t going to be invited, and I agree with everything they said. The one thing I’ll stress — in addition to being gentle but firm in your response to these folks, be flattered! Apparently they think your wedding is going to be so fantastically awesome that they really want to come!

How about you? How far in advance did you have your bridal shower? And did you have anyone who wrongly assumed they’d be invited? How did you handle it? Let us know in the comments below!

Heather Herrington is the advice columnist for The Broke-Ass Bride. When she's not satisfying the inquisitive nature of the BAB readership, she's likely crafting, trapped with at least one of her pets (one dog, two cats) on her lap, trying to ski but being unable to stop, or dreaming about where she wants to travel next. Feel free to stalk her at her website, on Facebook, or on Pinterest.