The thing with planning a wedding that gets to a lot of couples is that it feels like there are so. many. decisions. that, in the grand scheme of things, seem pretty inconsequential, but when it comes to the event that is your wedding actually make a big difference. It really is OK to waver back and forth between linen colors and wonder if you should alternate the seating colors with the buffet and dessert table colors. These seemingly teensy choices can have a large aesthetic impact, so give them some thought, but friends, make those decisions and own them.
As stressed as I allowed myself to get through my own wedding planning I discovered that I genuinely love weddings and that I have a bit of a knack for putting others at ease. Combining that with my love for DIY and Christen’s general wedding badassery, we started Little Wedding Extras where we focus on bridging that empty market space between full wedding planners and mere day-of coordinators, so we’re there for much of the process. We hear the questions (and guide as appropriate); we see the frustrations and know the struggles. Ultimately, though, our goal is not to encourage couples to do things a certain way; our goal is to encourage couples and the biggest, most significant piece of advice I can give them is just own it.
Is your mother/brother/cousin giving you guff over something that you want? Well, is that person financially contributing a large portion to the day? Opinions can be bought and if someone is contributing it’s fair to be at least respectful of their opinion, but when it comes down to it it’s also fair to say: “This is our (not just ‘my’) wedding.” Explain why you prefer something and how it’s meaningful to you and your partner and how changing that would be detrimental to the overall feel you’re hoping to achieve … OR find a compromise and let it go, but remember to take responsibility for the choices you make.
Do you have a vendor who is failing to communicate with you? If you haven’t booked them (i.e., paid them a deposit and signed a contract), drop them. You may think that’s your dream photographer, but if you can’t get a response when you’re basically trying to say, “Hi, I’d like to pay you money to do something you supposedly like to do,” that’s a sign that your dream is probably going to be a nightmare. You do have to be reasonable. If you email a vendor on a Thursday during peak wedding season, they’re probably getting ready for a wedding that weekend. Try following up a few days later. If three weeks and a couple of emails go by with nothing, move on.
Don’t say, “I can’t find a [vendor]!” if you haven’t reached out to a few. As my mother would say, “Baby, get on the stick” (a reference to a manual shift, not a more … phallic … stick)! An unfortunate truth: for every potential vendor you cross off your list, you feel like you’ve been through a dozen. My personal experience leads me to believe that venues in particular can be daunting because you really feel like you need a place to get married and while most other vendors come down to price, little ticky-tacky things like not allowing animals when you wanted to include your dog or only being able to use their bartenders when you really wanted your badass uncle slinging those dranks can make you say nuh-uh. But any time something doesn’t work, it’s onward and upward.
Christen in action, guiding a groom through event space set-up.
Do I sound like a drill sergeant? Probably a little bit, but I PROMISE you that crossing those tasks and vendors off of your (reasonable) to-do list is going to make you feel a lot better. We all have differing levels of importance when it comes to the details of our weddings, but we can all agree that the outcome is very important, so we need to treat it like it is. Stand up for yourself; hold vendors accountable for their communications or lack thereof and keep moving if your first choice doesn’t work. You’re going to make it and, hey, if you’re in the North Texas area, we can help!
Where are you struggling to take ownership of your wedding? What have you done to overcome it? Let us know in the comments below!