Broke-Ass Tag: wedding priorities

2/18

We talk a lot about taking the stress out of wedding planning and learning when to take a deep breath and let things go, but when it comes down to it, this is an incredibly special day and some things are worth a little fight. As our wedding day slips further and further into the past (almost five months, yo!), the glow of happiness is still there, but I’m starting to realize there are a few things that I wish I had cared a little more about or been more “on top of” or even been a little more aggressive while dealing with them.

I know from experience that it can be super hard to completely envision everything you want in your wedding and how to make it happen. I was practically clueless for the first several months! What IS totally reasonable is to give things a second thought before you write them off as frivolous expenses or an unworthy effort. Budgeting is hard, but you don’t want to cut things out before you’ve given them due consideration. Every couple will have different priorities, but for your consideration, here are the top five things I wish I had cared a little more about:

A videographer

This seems to show up on a lot of lists. They’re expensive and you wonder how often you’ll really watch your wedding video. It’s very easy to file this under the “not worth it” column and let it go. It was also something weird for me to spend money on because I was a videographer. Specifically, I was a television reporter who shot and edited her own stories, so I imagined how I would react if I got a video back with a jump cut or nonlinear editing or any other jargon-y mistakes you’d only recognize if you studied and practiced this for years. Ultimately, it was my distaste for paying someone to do something I can do that convinced me to drop it, even though that would have been some feat just to be the bride AND catch everything on video! You may remember when I admitted post-wedding that I lost my place reading my vows and ended up winging it; I kinda wish I had admissible evidence of exactly what I promised (haha)!

Celebrating my ladies

Photo by Shaina Sheaff

Photo: Shaina Sheaff Photography

You see the amazing ideas on Pinterest: members of the wedding party laughing earnestly while everyone is still getting ready, opening a cute gift or drinking from a personalized glass. Asking a friend to be a part of your wedding party has become almost as nerve wracking as the actual proposal. My husband and I made a decision when we were first engaged that instead of engraved flasks or matching gifts, we’d just purchase a suit for his three groomsmen and the dresses for my bridesmaids. All in all, that carved out about a grand of our budget (more than food, alcohol or flowers) and I don’t regret it at all, but looking back, I let all the last minute DIY and running around take over and I ended up feeling like I should have been more personal, more gracious towards the people who helped make our day so awesome.

Wedding night arrangements

I don’t like to nag, but man, I wish I had! Booking a hotel room where my ladies and I could start getting ready pre-ceremony and my husband and I could spend our wedding night was something I delegated to my guy. In his mind, a Friday night at the end of September was going to be a perfectly easy time to secure a one-night reservation in a fancy hotel where we could feel all, well, fancy in our wedding day bliss. We had the money set aside to do ourselves up nice with our accommodations and I suggested that we get that done early. His thoughts? What could possibly be going on that night to book up a hotel? Besides, reserving a room later would probably yield a better deal! Wrong. There were apparently several events going on that weekend with reservations at the luxury hotels that went back almost a year. We ended up in a nice commuter hotel that was exceedingly sweet to us, but our dreams of an in-room Jacuzzi and sweeping view of downtown didn’t quite pan out. In the end, it wasn’t a huge deal, but if you’ve got something special in mind, it’s best to jump on it as early as possible.

Being firm with my desires

Two weeks ago, I shared some of the things I wish I hadn’t stressed over and I mentioned ignoring the blog posts and articles from jilted wedding guests. Posts from wedding professionals can be a lot more helpful, but I wish I’d trusted my gut on a few things. There’s a line between telling a pro “how to do their job” and gently guiding them toward your grand vision. I think I erred on the side of caution when it came to the fear of offending the people who were hired to help make things great. Yes, it’s poor form to ask a photographer or caterer or florist to essentially copy something you found online, but there’s nothing wrong with saying, “I love this and would really like a photo/food table/floral design in this style.” Hiring someone you trust goes a long way, but if there’s something you want, speak up and make sure you and your vendor understand each other so you’re not left disappointed.

Better time management

Photo by Shaina Sheaff

Photo: Shaina Sheaff Photography

I got myself in trouble here because I’m rather proud of my ability to juggle multiple things at once (again, TV reporter). I think I have a decent handle on exactly how long it’s going to take me to apply the perfect winged eyeliner and eat a sandwich so I’m not starving, but time does weird things on your wedding day. Despite the incredible help I had from many wonderful people, I felt rushed and my natural tendency to want to do everything myself resulted in a pretty epic meltdown while I was trying to tie my bouquet that morning. My best advice: think of how long you expect each step to take, then pad that with an extra 50%. You’re going to have nerves; you’re going to be fielding questions; you’re going to have several more people involved in the process than, say, your morning pre-work ritual. Give yourself extra time and for the love of everything good, forgive yourself for needing it! Your wedding day self will thank you for those few extra minutes, even if it’s just to smile and take it all in.

So, would I call any of this a regret? Not really. It was still a beautiful day and lived up to my mantra, “All we have to do is get married,” so nothing was ruined. But do be honest with yourself when it comes to the things you want. If you think you can’t afford something, grab a friend or family member to help you research before you make it a hard no. But above all, if something doesn’t work out, just turn to that person you love beyond words and say, “Hey! We’re married and that makes everything perfect!”

Are you engaged and struggling with whether or not to prioritize something? Are you married and wish you did? Help your fellow BABs out and tell us in the comments!

  • 10/5

    Bride brain is a real thing, and I hate it.

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    I’m getting this post to our lovely BAB editor late {Eds Note: It’s OK. We still love her.}, after mentally reminding myself about a million times.

    I open browser tabs and forget why I opened them.

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    Any errands I have to run must come with full lists.

    And last night, I caught myself trying to drink out of a glass that didn’t have any water left in it … more than once.

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    No matter how you slice it, weddings are stressful, and stress brings consequences. With so many things to do and so many bits of information swirling about in my brain, it’s hard to keep track and keep focused. I’ve found myself telling people things repeatedly, because I can remember that it’s important but I can’t remember that I already told them!

    At every point in the planning process, but especially in the last couple weeks leading up to the wedding, it’s really important to take time to take care of yourself, whether it’s just a few deep breaths or a day off to relax. Try not to panic, and be gentle on yourself. I know I’ve cut, downgraded, or delegated several things in the past couple days because they just aren’t worth the stress at this point.

    I’m focusing on the prize at the end: marriage!

    …and maybe a little bit on that beachy honeymoon 😉

    How have you been dealing with bride brain?