Posts in the 'Wedding planning' Category
Social media, y’all. It’s a part of the world. I know there are still a few holdouts — hell, my friend who works for a popular blog featuring proposals is still a non-Facebooker. I was on Facebook as early as 2004 … so there’s that.
But here’s the thing: Social media ends up kind of being a dumping ground for all of our thoughts, ideas and opinions — for better or worse. And when it comes to planning your wedding and using social media? Well, that shit can get complicated. From nosey Nellys to judgey Judies to snarky Susies, the second you put yourself out there on the Interwebz, you’re opening yourself up to a potential tidal wave of grief. Because: Assumptions. Do you have 400+ Facebook friends, but really only 50 that you’d consider inviting to your wedding? Well, all 400 of them are going to see any wedding update you post, and even though you haven’t seen Ophelia, your college roommate’s best friend’s cousin, since that one frat party, she might chime in with her two cents on all things planning-related. So how do you keep this from happening?
Post wisely, darling.
Stay on the DL
A friend told me she has a Facebook friend who posts updates from her wedding countdown app twice a day. TWICE. A. DAY. Y’all, don’t be that friend. While we’re all very, very excited that you’re excited, and love is a wonderful thing, there is almost nothing that will unexcite your guests / friends / the world more than this constant bombardment. And twice a day?!? Oh, honey. This exuberant behavior will easily earn eye rolls, but it could also have your guests saying “OMG. FINALLY. Now we can stop hearing about this thing.” when your wedding day approaches. There is such a thing as oversaturation, and this is it.
Instead, create a private Facebook group. Invite those you intend to invite to your wedding. Post your updates there, and use this space to collect addresses, share ideas or what have you. Sure, you can post occasional updates on your regular newsfeed, but if you’re the kind of person who just can’t not post, then private groups are your friend.
You can also create a custom friends list so only select people can see your posts on your timeline … but this needs to be changed with every post if you have different audiences in mind.
Chelsea LeVere, of Tidewater & Tulle, used private Facebook groups during her planning:
As a bride who had 5 bridesmaids (with only one of them local), creating a private Facebook group was super important for communication and allowed my bridesmaids to connect with each other/become friends before the wedding day. They’re still friends even today!
Pinterest is another platform where you have the option of keeping things a little under the radar — especially if you have that friend who is constantly nosing into your plans, and you just don’t care to share. Pinterest provides the option to create a secret board (or five), which you can also invite people to pin to, but without others being able to snoop.
A little goes a long way
Sometimes social media is the easiest way to get all your friends in one place — because, let’s face it, we all have that one friend who just won’t respond to texts. But tread lightly, y’all. Over-tagging your bridesmaids on every Instagram photo / pin / Facebook post that inspires you will likely have them running for the hills. Unless they’re as gung-ho as you are, be selective about what you show them, and how much interaction you ask of them.
Real Bride Shannon suggests using a private Facebook message group to collaborate with your bridal brigade:
“Facebook Messenger groups are a great way to collaborate with your bridal party on ideas and schedules, but before you hit send, ask yourself, ‘Would I include all of these people in a face-to-face conversation?’ Save it for the times you need or truly want EVERYONE’S input. If a two-way conversation between you and your MOH starts blowing up the rest of your party’s notifications, they’re likely to check out and miss something big. Most importantly, never use it to call someone out. Some things are just better left one-on-one.”
While it can be super tempting to connect all of your social media accounts so that anything posted on Pinterest or Insta also gets posted on Twitter and Facebook, proceed with caution, y’all, because here’s where that super fine line between gathering inspiration and bombarding your friends gets blurry.
Or in the words of Cris Stone from Kiss My Tulle:
Don’t connect your Pinterest pins to your other SM accounts. No one wants to be notified every 5 seconds when you pin a new idea.
Think about it: You’re lounging around on a Sunday morning, post-brunch and with a mimosa in hand when you go on a Pinterest spree (it happens, I understand). Next thing you know, you’ve pinned 15 dresses, 20 bouquet ideas and a holy buttload of decor inspiration. You head on over to your Facebook and see that every. single. one. of those pins have also been shared on your timeline. Which means that’s all your friends have been seeing you post. Now think about when you’ve seen it from someone else — say, a pregnant friend who is planning her nursery or that cousin who has gotten really into gluten-free, paleo cooking. Slightly irritating, no?
OK. So. Disconnect those accounts. Cross-post with intention. Feel free to have a melee on Pinterest, but leave it there.
Be excited about your wedding. Talk to your people. But keep in mind that the more you share, the less things will be a surprise come your actual wedding day … and the surprise is a lot of the fun. You get to wow people, but if they know what to expect, it’ll be hard to do that. No one wants to steal your thunder, I promise, but by sharing every little thang, you’re stealing your own thunder.
How are you staying sane with social media in the lead-up to your wedding day? Tell us in the comments below!
As I mentioned, I’m trying to keep my wedding small as one way to save money. I want my guest list to be more “want tos” than “have tos.” There are inevitably a few in the “have to” category, mostly extended family. Another perk of having a wedding at a bit of a distance is that it weeds out those that care from those that just want a free meal. Even though my wedding is over a year away, I’m sending save the dates out soon. Since it is a destination, we want people to be able to plan for the trip. I’m also hoping if things come up, people will let me know in advance so I’ll have a better idea of my numbers when it’s formal invitation time. So now, I have to decide who is really invited — who’s in and who gets cut.
Spreadsheets for dayz!
Determining who’s in and who’s out is probably one of the hardest parts of planning. Over the past 6 months, the list — er, lists — has been constantly changing. There are definite A-listers, a B-list composed of the “have tos” and the”‘invited, but not sure they will comes,” then the “if we have room” C-list, and the final “I just can’t decide” group. Perhaps, what is even harder is that the people that I want to invite seem to be more understanding of my desire to keep the list to a minimum than those that aren’t on the list. Plus, I’m already
arguing talking to my mom about all the people that she apparently planned to invite.
So where do you draw the line without going from 50 people to 200? And how do you break the news, if necessary, to those that don’t make the cut?
Photo: Persimmon Images
Almost half of my wedding calendar this year involves couples who are coming from far and farther to get married in Los Angeles. I looked up, and all of a sudden destination weddings are one of my things. Here’s three tips to help you feel confident about making it one of yours, too:
Find your Savvy Local
You know, the person that lives in your wedding city, works there and can be your resource on how to get things done. Try and find a professional, too. Your best friend from college might know how long it takes to get to the beach from your hotel, but they probably won’t know if you need a permit to get married there, or if you have to pay for parking. That sort of thing. If you don’t have a wedding planner, make your venue manager, your hotel manager, your officiant, or your caterer your new best friend. Mostly you’re looking for leads, and potential roadblocks to avoid. If you’re worried about bugging them beyond what you’re paying them, spread the questions around. And, follow up every question with one last question, “Is there anything else I need to know?”
Keep it Simple
Just … Keep it simple. The less moving parts that are involved, the less there is to drive you crazy. One location, two if a meal is involved. No more than 45 minutes to get from point A to Point B at any time. If something requires more than three steps to get done, give it two days instead of one, or turn it into two steps instead of three. And if you are going to remember one thing, remember this: Nothing is going to take less time to do. If anything, since you’re dealing with so much unfamiliarity, in an unfamiliar place, it’s going to take more.
… Because the last sentence above is where the frustration is gonna come in. You’re hundreds or thousands of miles away. You’ve got to think about time zones, and fitting all of this into your already busy life. You have to ask the right questions, or ask enough wrong ones until you figure out what the right ones are. You’re not there, and you feel like you’re flying blind. There are a lot of details, and a not-so short learning curve, so be patient with yourself, with what you can do from where you are. Be patient with the process. Be patient with everyone you have to deal with during the process. It doesn’t all have to be done quickly, it just has to get done. Look forward to it being done, and having a wonderful day, okay?
In the meantime, while I’m here, do you have any questions about your destination wedding? Let me know in the comments below, and we’ll figure it out. And, if you’d like to find out more about me and my part of Wedding World, come find me at www.silvercharmevents.com.
See you at the end of the aisle,
It took me infinitely longer to write this post than it did to DIY a crucial piece of my reception decor: The cake stand.
We’re doing a dessert table in lieu of a large cake for a few reasons: One of my guests is a trained pastry chef and is making us a tiramisu as our wedding gift; a number of family and friends are gluten-free, so we’re ordering a handful of awesome gluten-free cupcakes from Pasadena bakery Confexion to put out for them; we wanted to include Porto’s cheese rolls (basically a glorified danish and one of our absolute favorite sweet treats in L.A.) somehow in our wedding … so why not as part of a dessert buffet? In addition to the tiramisu, cupcakes and cheese rolls, we’re also going to buy a few pre-made cakes in various flavors from Porto’s cake counter. Pre-ordering the cakes would have cost about three times as much, so we’re going to show up right when they open and get the prettiest ones.
I had a few friends offer me the stands from their wedding, but I felt like I needed my own spin on the standard (pardon the pun). Plus, with so many desserts on one table, I wanted my little two-tier wedding cake to stand out from – and above – the rest. Turns out that tall, 14” cake stands are not easy to find, especially on a budget. I found several beautiful wooden ones on Etsy; I was even a click away from ordering one, until I saw the shipping for the bulky wooden object was half the price of the item itself. I couldn’t justify paying nearly $100 for an item I am definitely only using once, so I decided to look into DIY.
Gorgeous, but this costs half as much as my wedding dress. (via Etsy)
A lot of DIY cakestands are old candlesticks, cups, or goblets flipped upside down and glued to a platter or plate. We were told to get at least a 14” cake stand, which rules out a lot of awesome plates from the local Goodwill. Plus, many platters have some sort of angled side or lip that might not hold the cake correctly. In my quest to find something relatively flat, pretty and cheap, my first stop was the wooden shape section at my local craft stores. I found a 14” wooden plate (similar to the one below) but it was pretty plain for what I had in mind. I wasn’t sure if my cake was going to go directly onto the plate, either, so I didn’t want to mess with finding food-grade paint.
ArtMinds Country Basswood Plate (11″), $14.99 at Michael’s
Finally, inspiration struck. After searching through the aisles of Michael’s, I found a 14” round mirrored candle tray for $7.99, and a beautiful stained wood candle holder. It’s tall but very sturdy, and cost a whopping $12.99. The shorter size was just as nice, and only $9.99. Knowing wedding crafting was coming up, I had signed up for Michael’s email program a few weeks before, and used my new-subscriber 20% coupon to buy the two items. Total cost after taxes: $18.29.
ArtMinds Beveled Round Mirror, $7.99 at Michael’s
Ashland 8″ Wood Pedestal Candleholder, $12.99 at Michael’s
At home, I put the mirror face down on a table and marked the center with a dot. I put the candleholder upside down in the middle, and traced a circle with a pencil around the edge so I knew where to put it once I’d applied the glue.
I squeezed a line of Gorilla Glue around the lip of the candleholder, and placed it firmly inside my traced circle. I held it down for a full minute, just to be sure it attached.
Voila! Cake stand complete. I let it dry upside down for the rest of the afternoon.
I even tested it out later with a few Ho-Hos (crucial step).
I may paint the black bottom teal to match my wedding colors, or I may not – it looks fine as is, so we’ll see how motivated I feel in a few weeks, when crafting really gets going.
Does time ever fly!
On Friday, I will hit the 6 month mark until our Halloween-themed wedding. It’s exciting but also pretty scary, so I’ve decided to do what I always do in these types of situation: I tell my emotional right brain half to hush, and let my analytical left brain drive for a while.
While I have a couple spreadsheets full of wedding info and lists, I’ve always found it very soothing and helpful to make lists by hand. It’s rare that I’ll refer back to them, but it helps me organize my thoughts and calm my emotions.
With this in mind (and because you can only let your brain go on so many anxiety spirals about where all this money is going to come from before you risk becoming *completely* insane), I sat down and made a list.
All in all, I feel like we’re in pretty good shape. We scheduled our meal and cake tastings for later this month, and many of the rest of the items on this list could wait until the week before the wedding if they absolutely HAD to. (There’s no way that’s happening!)
I have 3 large DIY projects and a handful of small ones, so that’s where I’m going to focus my attention going forward. I also work a desk job that’s mostly solo work, so it’s easy for me to listen to possible music options as I work.
Left brain came to my rescue once again. Seeing all the information in print shrinks everything down to its proper size again … with one exception:
WHERE THE HELL IS ALL THIS MONEY GOING TO COME FROM?
The struggle and the fear is real, you guys, and I know some of you are feeling it too. It’s a lot of pressure to carry, especially having already signed contracts and sent out save the dates. Every time I swipe my debit card, I feel a little twinge of guilt, even if I’m buying a necessity. We have to pay the minimum spend for our venue by 90 days before the wedding, which suddenly seems horrifyingly close.
We’re going to make it, because:
1) we planned what we could afford
2) I’ve created two budgets, one with the bare minimum and one with what I would really like to have
3) we’re pretty sure we could lean on family for a short term loan if we needed it to keep our venue.
In the mean time, we’re doing our best to tighten our belts — it’s sunny out, Katie, do you really need to pay $9 to park at work when you could pay $1.50 and walk a third of a mile? Do you really need the $150 motorcycle jacket when the $80 one will do, Andrew? How many times is it *really* reasonable to be too lazy to cook in one week?? — stay calm, work together, and keep our eyes on the prize at the end of the aisle.
As a Broke-Ass Bride I want to be as equally wallet conscious for my Broke-Ass bridesmaids. As much I love being in many weddings, I have been known to silently shed a tear looking at my bank account during wedding season. Between the dress, shoes, makeup, hair, bridal shower, bridal shower gift, bachelorette and wedding gift, it adds up. However, I am lucky that the weddings I have been in haven’t been extravagantly expensive (a friend of mine who was a bridesmaid last year had to spend $450 on a Marchesa dress!).
After much deliberation I finally decided on four bridesmaids. These are my ride or die bitches — the kind of girls that you can be your absolute total gross self with and they still love you. Now that I had my girls I had to find that damn dress for them all to wear. I wanted something different and not your run of the mill chiffon dress. However, I didn’t wan’t my girls to spend more then $100 on the dress — a bit of a tall order. I scoured Pinterest but half those dresses I pinned were stupid expensive or I couldn’t find them. I went to bridal salons, tried on bridesmaid dresses myself and hated them all. I spent hours scrolling through department store sites. I considered renting them from a particular site but the Yelp reviews turned me off. I browsed through bridal store catalogs and magazines. Defeated, I eventually ignored my task of finding their dresses.
In February, my six-month mark before the wedding, my bridesmaids told me I had to get my shit together and pick a dress. I finally found the dress through an online clearance event from David’s Bridal. I found out about it via a promotional email, the ones I normally trash right away. So always make sure you read through those emails when you are on the hunt for wedding savings. Then when you get what you want, re-route those emails to spam … I shouldn’t say that though since I am an a digital advertising professional … actually open those promotional emails and click on banners often.
OK I digress. Anyway, I found a pretty dress on sale from $149 marked down to $79. Plus one of my crafty bridesmaids found a promo code for free shipping so I felt triumphant in my frugal find. It ended up being friggin chiffon but that’s OK. I have made peace with it. To make it “different” I had the girls order two different shades of purple so they would have alternating colors.
My Bridesmaid dresses: David’s Bridal Chiffon Sweetheart Short Dress with Cap Sleeves Style F15406
I nervously waited for the dresses to be delivered to my girls. I had read the reviews, which I highly recommend always reading, and saw it was a mixed bag averaging out at 3.5 out of 5 hearts. The dresses came in and yep, they were a solid 3.5 out of 5. I was disappointed when I first saw them. The picture showed an A-line cut with capped sleeves. In real life it is a bit limp and has more of a thick strap. I kept asking the girls, ” Are they comfortable? Do you like the color?” No one told me they hated them and they did say they were comfortable so I settled. I am ultimately happy with them, though.
*Be wallet friendly to your bridal party. These are suppose to be your bestest friends. You don’t want them bitching behind your back for making them spend $300 on a dress they will never wear again. You may not get to have them in your dream dresses but you’ll be sure to find something that will satisfy you.
*Sign up for wedding email lists and be on the look out for promotions in your inbox. If I didn’t know about that clearance event from David’s Bridal I’d still be searching feverishly.
*Always Google promo codes before you order something online. (Or pay attention to BAB’s Ten for the Weekend column) You never know how much you can save!
*BTW Did you know Target sells cute bridesmaid dresses?? None of the colors worked for me but they might work for you! Just search “Bridesmaid Dresses” on their website.
Credit: Alicia Robichaud
The Guest List — how big it is, who’s on it — is probably one the most important and difficult parts of the planning process. My primary saving strategy has been to keep my wedding small. When there is a per person cost, it seemed like the best way to keep costs down. Mostly, though, I prefer quality to quantity. I’d rather spend time with a more select group then have lots of guests that I don’t even keep in touch with (I’m looking at you, mom’s friends from work). When I say I’m having a small wedding, some people suggested it wasn’t worth it because with bigger groups you “make” more in gifts. Well, I’m not in this to make a profit. Most people I’ve talked with say one of their major regrets was not having a smaller wedding and not having so many people they didn’t know well or care about. And if you can save money in the process, it’s a bonus, right?!
It turns out the small wedding hasn’t helped control costs as much as I had hoped. We struggled to find a venue due to minimum head counts or costs that many venues imposed. The only way we could have avoided those restrictions were to have our event on a weekday or in the off season. Unfortunately, the off season in Upstate NY can mean a foot of snow. We were so glad (relieved) when we found our venue! They have zero minimum; they accommodate 20 or 200. There are also several places on the property to hold the reception so that our small party won’t be overwhelmed by an empty space meant to hold 300. So important for a small group!
Although I’m not saving a ton of money on overall costs, we will still save some per-head costs by having a smaller group of people. Keeping it small also helps to keep other costs down. I will have fewer tables, which means fewer centerpieces and table decor, fewer favors … but most important more of the most precious currency: time. More time to spend with the ones I love.
One of the great perks to hiring a great wedding planner is that you have someone who already knows their way around a wedding timeline or two. But a wedding planner certainly doesn’t fit into every broke-ass’ budget, and you still need some sort of schedule to tell you — everyone else — what to do and where to be on the day-of.
You already know some of the basics: Ceremony at 5:30. Hair and makeup at 3. Reception at 7. Gotta be donezo and outta there at 11. But …
When does your partner and their crew arrive? What about the band? And the caterer? When is all the photoing supposed to happen? How about the cake cutting, first dance and toasts?
Guys, that’s a lot to wrangle by your self when you’re DIYing your own schedule. But Timeline Genius can give you a little peace of mind. For about $60, you can plug in the pertinents — who, what, where and when-ish — and it’ll spit out a super profesh timeline for you and your crew to operate off. Timeline Genius is totally customizable by what you actually plan on doing during your wedding day — no first dance? No problem. Want to do a first look? There’s a button for that. If you’re wrangling tons of peeps or are just super nervous, you can spring for the VIP package — $99.99 — that includes a review with a Master Bridal Consultant (schmancy!) who’ll make sure all your shizz is in place to help you be a zen bride on your wedding day.
Once you get your super fancy sched from Timeline Genius, pass it out to your peeps — everyone from your photog to your hair and makeup to your flower girl’s mom — to make sure you’re all on the same page so you can glide down that aisle with your sanity firmly intact.
Photo: Lauren Lindley Photography
You know it — your wedding money is being thrown around fast and furious. Hundreds, thousands of dollars. Tens of thousands of dollars. Not all at once, mostly. But the word “eventually” looms closer every day.
So, what I’m trying to say is this post isn’t so much about budgeting as it is about stress relief. And a lot that means getting ahead of the stress in the first place.
Do This One Thing
Put all your payment due dates, with the current estimated cost in whatever calendar you look at the most — the one in your phone, the one on your wall, the one in your wedding notebook. Do it right now. Set or write an alert for a week or a couple of days ahead of time, whatever works for your schedule or will work with your bank account. Not so far ahead that it’s easy to forget (like a month before) but close enough so that you have enough time to pull together the funds, if you need to. You know how you are, so proceed accordingly. Bonus points for noting the method of payment, too.
Do This Other Thing
Any payment you can automate, do it. I take automated payments from my couples, and odds are your venue, you photographer and most of your other vendors do, too. Combining it with your alerts will keep you on track, or give you time to change tracks (or credit cards) if you need to. Also, Venmo is a great way to pay vendors quickly and easily right from your phone. It’s the app of life, y’all.
So, you’ve taken care of the wedding payment trees, don’t ignore the forest that’s your wedding budget! Have one place — an Excel sheet, a Google Doc spreadsheet, heck, a Word document — where you list the total cost of all this stuff! One place where it’s all accounted for, all added up and where you always know what you’re spending and what you’ve spent. When you can see the big picture, you’re setting yourself up to make the best choices, and take many, many deep breaths of relief.
So, what’s your calendar of choice? Do you have any questions about automatic payments or wedding budgets? Let me know in the comments below. And if you would like to find out more about me and my part of Wedding World, go to www.silvercharmevents.com.
See you at the end of the aisle,