Broke-Ass Tag: wedding party


I want to talk about our wedding party.

There seem to be a lot of traditions and rules in North American/European anglophone culture surrounding bridesmaids and groomsmen that there is heavy pressure to follow. I imagine that if you have been reading my posts thus far, you probably know how I feel about arbitrary rules, especially if they are outdated, rooted in sexism or classism and/or expensive.

SpongeBob Doesn't GAF

(Coincidentally, its also how I feel about using outdated memes.)

Here are some of the rules that I have observed (Although, I know that some of them are undergoing shifts, and there are many regional and cultural variations):

  • The bride must have a maid of honor and the groom must have a best man.
  • There must be an equal number of bridesmaids and groomsmen.
  • Brides have bridesmaids, grooms have groomsmen.

So, unsurprisingly, I am rejecting some of these rules.

First of all neither of us have a clearly delineated “best friend” who we feel comfortable elevating over the others, and we both have multiple siblings. For some people, there’s an easy answer for who will be the best man and maid of honor. For us, there isn’t — so we aren’t going to have them.

Second, Ev and I have friends of all genders, so we have a couple of bridesmen, and groomswomen.

Given that we’ve known each other for 11 years, and have been dating for five, There are a few people who are as much my friend as his, and could as easily be on my “side” as his. He also makes friends more easily than I do, and has moved all over the country, so he’s asked seven people (five men, two of which are the potential overlappers, and two women) while I’ve asked four women. Whether separated by gender or by side, there’s not going to be symmetry. In lieu of either cutting people out, or asking more people, I just threw up my hands and said, “screw it.” The photos of us all together will be lopsided. We will deal.

Therefore, we’ve established that it’s more of a collective “wedding party” than two separate ones.

I know that this will create a few questions in terms of how that’s going to look in terms of bachelor/bachelorette parties, getting ready the morning of and so on, but I’m sure we will figure it out along the way, and handle it.

To be continued …

  • 3/13

    Erica Kristen and I

    The four in the middle:  planner/doer, her fiance, me and my MOH

    When it comes time to pick your ladies to stand by you, take into consideration their particular skill sets before you ask them. I have an overwhelming six bridesmaids. I have one that is a doer and a planner. There’s an artsy one, one with a green thumb, a miniature one whose mom can bake, my sister who’s also a doer and knows me, and my best friend who is a doer. I love them all and am happy to have them with me as they all bring great skills to the table.

    What do you do though, when your maid of honor doesn’t happen to be the one with the planning skills and is more of a doer? My maid of honor has been there to hold my hand through every minor meltdown over flowers, panic attack over dates, venue wrestling matches and the like. She has my back and is super skilled in calming my ass down when I get overwhelmed. She’ll happily go gallivanting off on some inane wedding related mission with me at the last minute and is basically just a boss bro. She apparently, cannot, however plan a shower or bachelorette party to save her life.

    It’s weird, I never really considered the shower at all when I was planning. It’s not really my job, someone is just supposed to throw you one. Now, there is nothing saying that the maid of honor has to plan your shower — sometimes moms do that. My mom is ALSO not the planning type, nor is his. Some of my more planning and doing ‘maids keep asking me about the shower, as if I have the answers. I don’t. I even went so far to just out right pick the venue for my maid of honor. All she had to do was book it and use one of the six approved dates we all agreed on. No dice.

    So what do I do?

    I’ve been going back and forth on this one for a while. My wedding is in six months. If a shower is happening, we should probably let people know soonish, or at the very least, book the place. She has apologized about a million times for being a bad maid of honor and I continually list her strengths and points of valor. I finally just out right asked her, bro, do you need help? Because, there are 4.5 other bridesmaids who would happily rally to your side, you legit only have to ask. I’m not quite sure if she’s afraid to ask for help or what, but she still hasn’t.

    OK fine, I asked my sister to make the menu. All my MOH has to do is ask the planner, who is sitting idly on the runway, to go launch and book the venue. The rest of them can do decorations or whatever else goes into a shower. I even already asked the planner if she’d book the venue and she’s happy to, but has a bunch of questions only my MOH has the answers to and didn’t want to ask her without stepping on her toes. OMFG Y’ALL! This is a friggin party that I’d rather not stress over, you have done everything else beautifully. You’d never hesitate any other time making things happen. Why oh why can’t this one tiny thing happen?

    My MOH really does rock, she just doesn’t have planning parties up her sleeve. What would you do, how would handle this? Help?

  • 8/16


    Over the course of my engagement, I had a lot of different ideas on who I wanted to be in my wedding but I held off until I had my date and venue at least to ask anyone. Being engaged for four years meant people came in and out of importance in my life and I knew that was the way things went sometimes. I'm…

    Read the full article →
    Share this!


    Hello again, BABs! While we very (im)patiently wait for our wedding album to appear, I thought I would share with you one of my favorite wedding related things: PRESENTS! No, not for us. But for our amazingly awesome wedding party members. I love, love giving gifts and finding amazing deals! If you've been following my posts for a while, you know that I don't like things…

    Read the full article →
    Share this!


    Source I called my Sister-in-Law last week for a very big reason. I wanted to convey that despite her not being in the wedding party, it was important for me that she knows how much she means to me. And that I value her friendship and love equally with everyone who will be wearing a gray chiffon bridesmaid dress that day. She replied gently, "I don't need…

    Read the full article →