Posts in the 'wedding party' Category
I called my Sister-in-Law last week for a very big reason. I wanted to convey that despite her not being in the wedding party, it was important for me that she knows how much she means to me. And that I value her friendship and love equally with everyone who will be wearing a gray chiffon bridesmaid dress that day.
She replied gently, “I don’t need a gray chiffon bridesmaid dress to feel special on your big day. I will already feel special, just by being there.”
Immediately, the anxiety I was feeling just melted out of my bones. We as Brides feel so much stress around the decisions of who to include, who we wish we could include and inevitably, whose feelings are squashed because we cannot for whatever reason … it is so amazing and refreshing when we are met with compassion and understanding. Amiright?
On top of her graciousness, she also taught me a huge lesson that I want to share with my other Real Brides out there.
I went on to ask her then, okay … what would make her feel included and appreciated most on my big day? Was it to help with programs or the guest book, or something else? And her answer was so surprising! She responded that her biggest hope was that on my wedding day, she could accomplish one thing: Do something, somehow to help me on my wedding day, in a way that I will always remember.
I froze. What could I possibly task her with or include her on to make this happen? Luckily, before my brain went into panic mode, she went on to explain.
She told me, “Without [one particular friend], my wedding day with your brother would have been a mess.” Hmmm, now I was even more intrigued. This person she mentioned was male and NOT a member of the bridal party. This person was also one of my college roommates, coincidentally, and continues to be a very close friend of L’s and mine. And he was her hero on her wedding day?!? I listened intently as she described the ways he stepped up throughout the chaos: Helping direct lost guests looking for the ceremony/bathroom/reception/food, etc. My aunt had a 2-week-old infant (bless her!) and at one point before the ceremony she needed a private place to breastfeed. He found it for her and stood guard. He went in search of lost bow-ties, missing flower girls, ran back and forth from start to finish, tirelessly helping anyone who looked in the least like they needed it – guest, vendor, what have you.
This person. This is who L is most grateful for, from the Wedding Day aspect. The one who will stand out in her memories forever. She made it clear that it wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate the efforts of her bridal party or vendors or planners. But it was this one person who selflessly gave, without agenda or recognition, that made all the difference for her. I don’t know if she’s ever told him this in person, but I hope she did … or at least wouldn’t mind if I pointed him to this post.
Because all of us brides need to remember that it is not necessarily just the bridal party that steps it up a notch on the big day. There may be one or several generous souls attending your wedding who become your Xena, Warrior Princess (or Prince) because it’s needed, not because they feel obligated. And they’re willing to do so whether you as a Bride are aware of it or not. If you’re lucky enough to see it or hear about it, I hope you’ll do what you can to thank that unsung hero. I know I will. Because we all need help, even when we don’t know we need it.
It makes my heart so happy that L wants to be that person for me – the one who can be present and help so many others at the same time – all to help make the day run smoothly for me. And I couldn’t be more grateful to her. I’m a lucky gal.
What about you out there? Did you have an unsung hero at your wedding? Do you think you know who yours will be?
In one of our many efforts to keep our wedding simple and laid back, Zach and I decided not to have an official “wedding party.” It’s not that we don’t have friends who we’d love to honor with this position, as I think both of us could easily pick a few close buddies to stand up with us. It’s more that we just don’t really see the point.
I mean, dressing alike is cute when you’re toddlers…And then all of a sudden it’s cute again when you’re a fully-grown adult if you’re in a wedding? I don’t get it.
We didn’t want to boss people around and tell them what to wear and what to help with for our wedding. Honestly, we hope that our friends and family will voluntarily step up and help us out of the goodness of their hearts, not out of obligation because of some “title” we’ve bestowed upon them. We’re still involving some special people in the ceremony by having them perform readings, and both of our best friends will still be giving toasts at the reception.
Another factor in our decision was that our wedding is only going to have about 60 guests. The more people you put up front the emptier the seats will look! I don’t want our ceremony to look like no one is there because there are no butts in seats!
Anyone else forgoing a traditional wedding party for a more casual approach?