Broke-Ass Tag: relationships

8/1

Real Wedding: Diana and Tom's Handmade, Personal New York Celebration
Credit: Carole Cohen Photography
I often hear people referring to their spouses as their “best friend.” As nice as this sentiment is, every time I hear it, I can’t help, but think “Really?!” My fiance is not my best friend. We weren’t friends at all before we started dating, and wouldn’t be if we broke up. Some of my friends have known me since childhood. We can talk to about anything. Sure, my future-husband should meet this criteria, but sometimes the thing I need to talk about is him! I also need someone to relate to about issues I’m facing. He may do his best to sympathize, but I need a fellow female to talk about difficulties that I’m facing with my career or in the future, pregnancy and motherhood.
Also for the fun stuff. He doesn’t care about the latest fashion trends, Taylor Swift’s beau of the hour, or what happened this week on my favorite sappy TV drama. He doesn’t want drink fruity cocktails or spend hours at outlet malls or get a pedicure. He would if I really wanted him to, but it wouldn’t be so fun for either of us. This is why I love my friends and still need them around when I’m married.
I’ve always been a firm believer in balance, though I’m not always the best at achieving it myself. In relationships, it’s so important that each person maintain their own identity, passions, interests and even friends. Calling your S.O. your BFF makes it sound like they are it for you, filling the role of friend and lover and partner in life. That’s a lot to put on one person. I don’t expect him to fulfill it all for me. I will always have my BFFs and treasure our ladies’ nights out when we can rid ourselves of testosterone and get our female fix.
Now don’t misunderstand, I love my fiance. No, he’s not even my friend; he is something different, separate. There are things that are unique to our relationship, sides of me only he sees (thank God). We have interests we share, and others we don’t. There are things he can relate to, and others he can’t.
So he’s not my best friend, and I wouldn’t want him to be, but he’ll be my best husband, and I think that’s still pretty special.
  • 5/12

    So, uh, this is weird, even if it is really wonderful.

    It may not be weird for you if, say, your parents divorced in your childhood as many people’s did, but after 36 years and a whole lot of hell, my parents called it quits. That’s not the weird part. In fact, I’m about as happy about the situation as an adult kid can be. I watched my parents grow into reluctant roommates since … always, it seems like. It’s weird because I’m having these conversations about like turning into hope and hope turning into love and love turning into what looks like it’s going to be forever.

    But up until this point, I was expressing this to my mother. Now she’s telling me about this amazing man who makes her laugh and treats her like a queen and as real as it is, I always seem to get this uncontrollable case of the giggles because even though I’ve had a handful of experiences where it felt like the roles of parent and daughter were reversed, it’s just so freaking adorable to hear this coming from my mom!

    So while this isn’t official, official, I’m pretty sure it’s coming. They’re planning a vacation in November; he sneakily asked my sister to get her ring size and my mother, who admittedly had had a couple glasses of wine over this past Mother’s Day weekend began to gush about how she was in love and he had made his intentions quite clear. (“How would you feel about having the most fun of your life for the rest of your life?” I die!) And I’ve got opinions, yo. We’re talking the kinds of opinions I’ve advised other brides to shake off in the past and, if I’m being quite frank, the kinds of opinions my mother pushed on me through my engagement.

    “You deserve, like, a WEDDING wedding!”

    “No, with flowers and music and everything!”

    “We’re going to have to find you an amazing dress!”

    Now, some of this is due to the fact that I’m one half of a blossoming wedding business and flowers and decor are totally my thing; some of it is because I want to see my mother celebrated and happy. It comes from a good place but, then again, a lot of opinions and expectations do.

    Photo by Shaina Sheaff

    Photo: Shaina Sheaff Photography

    But I’m going to have to slow my roll. I told my mother that I couldn’t be her Wedding Barbie, so neither can she be mine (even if I think this is all really, really wonderful and adorable). This is the case for any loved one’s wedding. Sure, through our own weddings we picked up awesome ways to save some money, came across sweet ways to personalize our experience and, naturally, just want to see the people we love be as happy as we were, but we (I) got ours (mine), so they get theirs.

    Going forward, I want my mother (and this could be anyone you love) to understand three things: I am SO. HAPPY. for her; I will be there for anything I can conceivably make happen; and I want everything to be exactly the way she wants it. I think that’s really all it takes. Sure, I’ll be there to provide specifically solicited advice and give her any pointers since the last time she did this, she was in her mid-20s and things are a bit different, but right now my job is to raise a glass and toast to what seems like the first really wonderful thing to happen specifically to her in a long time.

    So if I’m speaking with a lisp, it’s because I’m living in a constant state of biting my tongue!

    Have you had to chill out when someone you love gets gets engaged? How did you balance your ideas with what they wanted? Let us know in the comments below!

  • 5/2

    Real bride Heather Shackin up

    Lately, we've been doing some pretty serious, married-like things. I mean, we recently got a joint warehouse club account. Nothing screams married-ish like a Saturday stroll together through Sam's Club buying toilet paper in bulk quantities, am I right? Then, the family cellphone plan brought us a shared bill for the first time. On the car ride home from the cellphone purchase, we joked with…

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    4/28

    Shaina Sheaff Photograpghy

    Newlywed bliss. Sunshine and rainbows. Honeymoon phase. Society likes to imply that getting married magically transforms life into this beautiful, perfect thing, but then you hear that sage nugget: “The first year of marriage is the hardest.” Wait. I’m confused. I rarely feel bliss when I’m dealing with something that isn’t just hard, but hardest. I love a good challenge, but I’m not typically twirling…

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    3/31

    fart jokes

    So, we had a bit of a milestone pop up this weekend. On March 25, we officially hit six months of marriage and we’re still living the newlywed blissful life! We had talked about going out to celebrate what we dubbed our “Halfiversary” with a nice dinner and maybe some drinks, but when it came around, I spent the evening wrapped in a blanket in…

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  • 3/3

    Primary concerns I voted

    I knew getting married would change the way I did certain things. My husband and I have a fantastic partnership in which I still retain full autonomy and very, very little questioning over my personal choices, but there are still times when I have to remind myself that I am operating as half of a couple. I didn't realize how deeply I felt about that…

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    2/15

    Real Wedding - rings 50Peach

    Credit: Lee Patterson A lot of couples take the traditional vows to love each other "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health." But most couples are so lovesick at the moment they make that promise that they can't really ever imagine their lives being any worse, either as a result of illness or marital discord. Without thinking through that possibility, some people are…

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    10/29

    Notice my bridesmaid's face...
Photo by Shaina Sheaff

    It’s crazy to think it’s been just over a month since over a year of work and worry and celebration and joy culminated into our beautiful wedding. In that month I’ve had a little time to go over what went wrong because when you read that something will go wrong, yeah, they’re right. Plenty of things from small snafus to (seemingly) dire disasters popped up…

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  • 1/30

    Five for Friday: Slip into Something Sexy -- True & Co. Macaroon Set

    Let it be known: Team Broke-Ass fully believes in the power of lingerie. Like any solid foundation, good lingerie has the power to transform the way an outfit looks on you and how you carry yourself. And it feels damn sexy, to boot. You've likely thought about what you might wear on your wedding night or on your honeymoon, but what about all the sexy…

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