Social media, y’all. It’s a part of the world. I know there are still a few holdouts — hell, my friend who works for a popular blog featuring proposals is still a non-Facebooker. I was on Facebook as early as 2004 … so there’s that.
But here’s the thing: Social media ends up kind of being a dumping ground for all of our thoughts, ideas and opinions — for better or worse. And when it comes to planning your wedding and using social media? Well, that shit can get complicated. From nosey Nellys to judgey Judies to snarky Susies, the second you put yourself out there on the Interwebz, you’re opening yourself up to a potential tidal wave of grief. Because: Assumptions. Do you have 400+ Facebook friends, but really only 50 that you’d consider inviting to your wedding? Well, all 400 of them are going to see any wedding update you post, and even though you haven’t seen Ophelia, your college roommate’s best friend’s cousin, since that one frat party, she might chime in with her two cents on all things planning-related. So how do you keep this from happening?
Post wisely, darling.
Stay on the DL
A friend told me she has a Facebook friend who posts updates from her wedding countdown app twice a day. TWICE. A. DAY. Y’all, don’t be that friend. While we’re all very, very excited that you’re excited, and love is a wonderful thing, there is almost nothing that will unexcite your guests / friends / the world more than this constant bombardment. And twice a day?!? Oh, honey. This exuberant behavior will easily earn eye rolls, but it could also have your guests saying “OMG. FINALLY. Now we can stop hearing about this thing.” when your wedding day approaches. There is such a thing as oversaturation, and this is it.
Instead, create a private Facebook group. Invite those you intend to invite to your wedding. Post your updates there, and use this space to collect addresses, share ideas or what have you. Sure, you can post occasional updates on your regular newsfeed, but if you’re the kind of person who just can’t not post, then private groups are your friend.
You can also create a custom friends list so only select people can see your posts on your timeline … but this needs to be changed with every post if you have different audiences in mind.
Chelsea LeVere, of Tidewater & Tulle, used private Facebook groups during her planning:
As a bride who had 5 bridesmaids (with only one of them local), creating a private Facebook group was super important for communication and allowed my bridesmaids to connect with each other/become friends before the wedding day. They’re still friends even today!
Pinterest is another platform where you have the option of keeping things a little under the radar — especially if you have that friend who is constantly nosing into your plans, and you just don’t care to share. Pinterest provides the option to create a secret board (or five), which you can also invite people to pin to, but without others being able to snoop.
A little goes a long way
Sometimes social media is the easiest way to get all your friends in one place — because, let’s face it, we all have that one friend who just won’t respond to texts. But tread lightly, y’all. Over-tagging your bridesmaids on every Instagram photo / pin / Facebook post that inspires you will likely have them running for the hills. Unless they’re as gung-ho as you are, be selective about what you show them, and how much interaction you ask of them.
Real Bride Shannon suggests using a private Facebook message group to collaborate with your bridal brigade:
“Facebook Messenger groups are a great way to collaborate with your bridal party on ideas and schedules, but before you hit send, ask yourself, ‘Would I include all of these people in a face-to-face conversation?’ Save it for the times you need or truly want EVERYONE’S input. If a two-way conversation between you and your MOH starts blowing up the rest of your party’s notifications, they’re likely to check out and miss something big. Most importantly, never use it to call someone out. Some things are just better left one-on-one.”
While it can be super tempting to connect all of your social media accounts so that anything posted on Pinterest or Insta also gets posted on Twitter and Facebook, proceed with caution, y’all, because here’s where that super fine line between gathering inspiration and bombarding your friends gets blurry.
Or in the words of Cris Stone from Kiss My Tulle:
Don’t connect your Pinterest pins to your other SM accounts. No one wants to be notified every 5 seconds when you pin a new idea.
Think about it: You’re lounging around on a Sunday morning, post-brunch and with a mimosa in hand when you go on a Pinterest spree (it happens, I understand). Next thing you know, you’ve pinned 15 dresses, 20 bouquet ideas and a holy buttload of decor inspiration. You head on over to your Facebook and see that every. single. one. of those pins have also been shared on your timeline. Which means that’s all your friends have been seeing you post. Now think about when you’ve seen it from someone else — say, a pregnant friend who is planning her nursery or that cousin who has gotten really into gluten-free, paleo cooking. Slightly irritating, no?
OK. So. Disconnect those accounts. Cross-post with intention. Feel free to have a melee on Pinterest, but leave it there.
Be excited about your wedding. Talk to your people. But keep in mind that the more you share, the less things will be a surprise come your actual wedding day … and the surprise is a lot of the fun. You get to wow people, but if they know what to expect, it’ll be hard to do that. No one wants to steal your thunder, I promise, but by sharing every little thang, you’re stealing your own thunder.