Broke-Ass Tag: ettiquette

11/2

Wedding Registry -- Wine Glasses

Hi Liz,

My fiance and I will be married next year. We’ve been living together for a few years in a large metro area and have been working on making our rental our home. We feel we don’t really need the traditional items for a registry, and, not to sound greedy, we would really rather have money for a down payment for a home. I’ve heard of down payment registries before, but I don’t know how to present this to family and friends. I would love to know your thoughts on this!

Signed,

Mortgage Minded

Dear Mortgage,

Oh, we are big fans of the cash registry around here. And, seriously, more couples are living together before they get married, so less couples need plates and kitchenware. Deposit A Gift, Hatch My House, Our Wishing Well, and other websites are available to help you out with this. As far as letting people know after you’ve registered, I’ve found that a two-pronged attack works. Get a free wedding website and put a link to your registry on there. And then, put a note in your invitations with the link to your website. Keep it as the only option, be enthusiastic about it, but remember to promote, as opposed to recruit. More “we’re asking” less, “can you/do you want to … ?” Which means, no signs or prodding on your actual wedding day. As with a “traditional” registry, you get what you get, and you remember to say “Thank You!”

Dear Liz,

I am getting married next April and I am very excited. My fiance and I are still in college and we are a very laid-back couple (on a budget!) so we thought it would be perfect to have a nacho bar for our reception however, everyone around us thinks that a nacho bar is too informal and a little tacky and that we should opt for a more formal sit down dinner. We really like the nacho bar idea but I don’t want to take away from the importance of our day. Help!

Signed,

Nacho Problem

Dear Nacho,

Having more “informal” catering, like a taco bar, or a food truck, is becoming a really popular way to save some cash on your wedding day. I say load up on the Shout wipes and go for it, especially if you feel that it reflects who the two of you are as a couple. But, you can also “formalize” other aspects of your reception, too. Serve it all on real plates, with real silverware and real cloth napkins, centerpieces at each table. Add anything else that feels like a wedding to you, or anyone else whose opinion you care about. Pinterest, has a slew of  cool – and pretty – examples. Show those to the doubters, too.

What’s been your experience with registering for cash? Are you having a food truck wedding, or have you been to one? Pretty cool, huh? Or not. Let us know in the comments below!

Got a question of your own? Go to the contact page and let us know what’s up.

See you at the end of the aisle,

Liz
Liz
  • 8/10

    Dear Liz,

    When my fiancee and I got engaged, we asked his sister to help us make wedding invitations.  She’s really into that scrap-booking thing and Martha Stewart-like crafts.  Since she lives far away, it was decided that when she came to visit in the summer, we would work on the invitations.  She told us a couple of weeks ago that she had done some “mock ups” for us.  The thing is, last weekend, fiancee and I were in Michael’s and found DIY invitation kits for $16!  Normally they’re like, $60.  And they include everything!  All we have to do is shove them in a printer and print them off .  I really don’t think we could make the invitations for cheaper, especially after buying all the supplies, not to mention saving a headache.  But, what do we tell his sister?  She seems really flattered and excited that we asked.  I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I have also seen how DIY projects can go over board and the next thing you know you’re $100 over budget because the glue you thought would work doesn’t (or something like that), and you have to start over.

    Signed,

    Buy not DIY

    Excellent. But find something else for her to do.

    Dear Buy,

    There is no way to avoid hurting her feelings at this point, unfortunately. Be straightforward and tell her that you found other invitations that you really love, so she doesn’t have to make them. Thank her strongly for her support, love and help, too.
    >However, before you tell her, I strongly suggest that you find her a smaller project to do, and offer that as an alternative. Table numbers? Place cards? Something that she can still use her creativity on.

    Dear Liz,

    My mom is driving me crazy. I always expected her to put in her two cents about everything from the venues to the dress but now she is trying to strong arm the guest list. My fiancé and I are a bit of a vintage couple, and we’re paying our own way. That would automatically oust mom from the situation, but she is a professional calligrapher and will be doing (and paying for- with the exception of stationery) all of the invitations. It is a wonderful gift and something we could really not afford otherwise. However, recently she has tried to hijack the guest list and invite friends that I do not care for and do not want at my wedding. She is aware of the space constraints so has these people on the back burner. She offered to pay for them as well. My concern is that she will go behind my back and send an invite out to them. My mom respects no boundaries and I feel as though this is just the beginning of this. What should I do?

    Signed,
    Got the MOB Blues

    Take control - Have them sent to YOU.

    Dear Blues,

    Yeah, Moms are hard. She thinks she knows what’s best, and you’ll regret not having these “friends” at your wedding, and that she’ll regret not pushing to have them there. You’re afraid that if you give her this inch, she’ll take it to Mars. I get it.
    It would be better if she would listen to you and back off.
    Odds are, she won’t.
    Remain calm, which I know can be the hardest part. Then, take control. First of all, make sure the RSVP address on the invites is yours. Then, tell your Mom that you’re going to be mailing them out yourself. You will pick them up from her when they are ready, plus any extra blanks that are left. If she’s supposed to pay for postage, tell her that she can reimburse you. If she asks about sending out more invites, just say, no, you’ll handle it. Again, remain calm, and keep it short. That should work, although I can’t guarantee she won’t keep some on the side.
    If she asks how many RSVPs have come in, be vague – “not that many”, or “a lot more than I expected right now.” Remind her that the RSVP date isn’t for a while. If she’s still pushing it after the RSVP date, tell her you don’t have room for any more people/ you don’t feel right about her paying for any more guests, which you clearly don’t. And always change the subject as quickly as possible – maybe to the venue or your dress? Good luck.

    So, how did you guys deal with any of these problems? Any advice to add to mine? Let us know in the comments below!

    See you at the end of the aisle,

    Liz
    Liz
  • 7/27

    Got a wedding dilemma for me? Go to our contact page, and let me know what’s up. Dear Liz: Here it goes. Hubby to be and I are pretty shy introverted types. We are starting to think about our rehearsal dinner and who to invite. Our constraints: almost everyone, including us, will be from out of town. Hubby to be's mother is planning and hosting the…

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    10/23

    Something you need to understand about wedding planning is that it is OK to shamelessly steal from other people's weddings.  You NEED to steal other people's wedding ideas.  In the world of weddings, there is nothing new under the sun.  Don't waste your energy trying to be original.  You are going to need to conserve that energy just to pick exactly what wedding ideas you…

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