Broke-Ass Tag: broke-ass advice

2/17

Finding the love of your life and taking that next big step towards forever is a blissful time of your life, but what happens when someone you love has life experiences that are giving them a broken heart?

caring for friends

Whether it’s the ending of a relationship, loss of a loved one, money, job or health troubles, certain struggles can zap the celebration spirit right out of a person, even if they love you dearly and share your joy. It’s ok to feel disappointment and to go on with your excitement, but taking the time to specially care for your loved one in their time of need can make the situation better for everyone involved.

Remember their pain is not your fault.

You didn’t cause the pain your friend is feeling, and even though it can feel unfair to go one with your happiness while someone you love is hurting, it’s really not. They almost certainly don’t feel it is, either. Being sensitive to their needs can help dissolve any potential bitterness and may even give you a needed break from all of the weddingland craziness.

Let them set the pace.

Everyone reacts to tragedy differently, so don’t be shy about asking how involved they want to be and make sure they know they can change their minds. Assuming someone doesn’t want to be involved in fun trips like outfit shopping (or, in my case, anything followed by the word “tasting“) can hurt more than it helps. Extend the invitation, but be gracious if the answer is no.

Set aside time just for them.

This is just a good practice in general, but loved ones going through a rough patch or all-out heartbreak really deserve the extra attention. Help out by taking care of a need — whether a daunting chore or a fun night out — and focus your energy on them, rather than wedding plans.

Show up for the big things.

The mean curveballs life can throw often come with life-altering events that are an excellent opportunity to show your support: medical treatments, funerals, an unexpected move … stopping your day to be there may sound like a given, but it goes a long way to someone in need of that support.

Honor their requests for discretion.

When you’re going through a time of personal trouble, one of the hardest things can be to keep positive while well-meaning outsiders ask questions. If your brother is going through a divorce or your best friend lost her job, they may not want to share the details with the people they meet through parties and get-togethers that sometimes accompany an engagement. Unless they ask you to pass on their regrets to others, keep the bad news within their circle and allow them to put on a happy face if that’s what works best for them.

Be mindful of money troubles and help where you can.

This is especially true for people in the wedding party. It’s no secret that being a part of the wedding can rack up some serious dollar signs, so whether their expendable cash is simply lacking or their money troubles are rooted in outside trouble, look for ways to keep costs down. Besides, choosing budget friendly options for wedding attire and party destinations never hurts!

Be prepared to let them off the hook.

It’s never easy to back out of a commitment, so if it gets to that point, understand they’re likely as disappointed as you are. Give them time to heal and look for other fun ways to bond and celebrate the special relationship you have. Being flexible lets them know how important they are to you and spending time together is a good reminder for you that even though times might be difficult for them, they still care about you and your happiness.

Have you run into a sticky situation while planning your wedding? Need some advice on how to handle it? Let us know in the comments below!

  • 1/20

    If the new year brought you a new big step in your relationship, congratulations! We’re so happy to have you! As you jump into the world of wedding planning, know that it’s totally normal and very much ok to be feeling a little … overwhelmed about where to start, to say the least.

    DSC_0058

    If your head is feeling like a giant cloud full of tulle and fondant at the moment, take a deep breath, smile and remind yourself that this is going to be great. Then, take a look at our suggestions to get you on the right track to a sane, prioritized planning process.

    Focus on the big picture.

    Take some time to think about what your wedding *feels* like. Is it a big, backyard bash with all of your favorite people? Maybe an intimate cocktail party with your closest family a friends? Make sure to have open conversations with your partner about this so you can suss out any areas you’ll potentially need to compromise. Thinking about the overall size of your wedding helps with other big decisions like the venue and budget.

    Identify YOUR priorities and where you’re willing to splurge.

    Maybe you know exactly what you want to wear or have long dreamed of a specific venue. It could be that you really want to hire that band you saw together on a special date. If there are big ticket items that you know you’ll regret not having as a part of your day, pick them out, write them down and look into what it will cost, then start building your budget around that. It may mean spending less on other areas, but making room for the things you both want is worth it!

    Check out venues and build from there.

    Even if you don’t feel like the venue is the most important choice you’ll make, it’s still a good place to start. Reserving a venue secures your date and having a date allows you to book all of the other vendors you want. Venues are also likely to have rules that could end up being a deciding factor on other vendors or elements you want to include. Things like sparklers, including pets in your ceremony and pretty much anything that includes an open flame may be a no-go. It’s up to you whether the location is worth sacrificing something you wanted to have in your wedding.

    Don’t put too much stock in checklists.

    Timelines and checklists can be great at keeping you organized and helping you plan how to space out big purchases, but they’re not the end-all-be-all of wedding planning. If you’re the type of person who starts the day by making a to-do list, by all means, find one that fits you! Just don’t brand yourself a failure if your stationery isn’t chosen six months out. If you feel confident about a purchase at a time a great deal comes up, think of it as meant to be, regardless of whether or not a checklist tells you it’s “time.”

    Above all, trust yourself and your partner because this is going to be a fun ride! Don’t be afraid to ask for help or advice and find your favorite ways to share your love story.

    Are you having a hard time figuring out the next step to take in your wedding planning? Let us know what has you stumped in the comments below!

  • 11/11

    calligraphy envelope and Epson LabelWorks printed ribbon

    Whether you're hand-writing on the envelope or using a convenient print-out label, addressing your wedding invites comes with a few *rules* that etiquette specialists still advise you follow. We don't want you to be left searching, so here's what you need to know before sending out that stationery. Before you get started, make sure to check and double-check that spelling! Your partner's cousin Ashleigh is…

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    10/28

    dinosaur centerpieces

    Weddings -- planning them, paying for them, putting them on -- are kind of an ordeal. Even the simplest of soirees can have a lot of moving parts and when those parts get to rolling, the unsolicited advice starts coming in. Seriously: death, taxes, unsolicited wedding advice. Plenty of people out there have already explained that it's important not to take these opinions (or thinly veiled…

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    10/14

    Cash Wallet by BlackArrowStudio

    Cash Wallet, $56 by Etsy seller BlackArrowStudio I've been wracking my brain to come up with some truly epic wedding advice for you, BABs. This being my last advice post for The Broke-Ass Bride for the moment, I'm feeling some (self-imposed) pressure to get it right! ? I hope you enjoy it, and remember that you can always reply in the comments or email BAB directly…

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  • 9/30

    Marathon Runner Cake Topper by Clayphory

    Marathon Runner Cake Topper, $205 by Etsy seller Clayphory Pre-post disclaimer: If you're looking for fitspiration, you've come to the wrong place. This is not a post about losing weight, working out, or changing your appearance for your wedding day. Instead, this post contains tips to (hopefully) keep you from passing out on your wedding day. These are general tips, not medical advice. As always, consult your doctor or nutritionist…

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    9/16

    Buffet line

    Credit: Lucky Photographer from Kate & Daniel's Real Wedding One of the decisions that can significantly impact your wedding budget is about how you'll serve your guests. This applies whether you're serving dinner, appetizers, cake and punch, breakfast-for-dinner or any other type of meal. So let's break down some of the options, shall we? Buffet Pros: This is typically a more cost effective option if you want to offer…

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    9/2

    Etsy PenandFavor Gift Boxes

    Gift Boxes available from Etsy seller PenandFavor So you've broken down and started a registry -- or two -- but now you're not sure what to add. Maybe you're all adult-like and already have the basics like bedding and cookware. Maybe you've never lived on your own and have no idea what you might want or need right now ... and don't really care. Or maybe…

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  • 8/19

    Personalized Hand Fans by ModParty

    Personalized Hand Fans - Set of 24, $36 by Etsy seller ModParty If you're anywhere in the U.S. right now, chances are it's crazy hot. I'm talking sweating-while-you-dry-your-freshly-showered-hair kind of hot, coconut-oil-is-a-clear-liquid kind of hot, AC-on-full-blast-is-still-too-hot kind of hot. PSA, guys: HYDRATE! HYDRATE! HYDRATE! But that brings me to today's Broke-Ass Advice topic: How to keep cool at an outdoor wedding. Whether you're a guest, a bridesmaid or a bride,…

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