Broke-Ass Tag: bridesmaids



A little reminder can help. Print by Etsy seller Hairbrainedschemes

My friend Mindy is a Disney wedding blogger, and during her Q&A on Periscope (@MindyJoyM) yesterday, a bride asked her if she should cut one of her bridesmaids. It wasn’t working out. Her bridesmaid didn’t seem to be into the wedding and all it entailed, should the bride let her go? What would the best way to do that?

Umm. First off? There is no best way to do that. There is no clean getaway at the end of that scenario, where you tell her she’s out, she breathes a sigh of relief and gives you a big warm hug, and you walk away from the coffee shop hand in hand. No, the odds are that shock will be expressed, feelings will be deeply hurt, and that coffee shop will be the last time you see her for a while. I mean, come on.

This is a problem I’ve noticed over the years. It’s not just wedding party problems, it’s people screaming at their parents. Anger at the limo driver or the rental company. Convinced that everyone they’re dealing with either doesn’t care, isn’t doing their job, or is taking advantage of their rapidly declining good well.

Look, weddings come with a lot of pressure. A lot of pressure. Yes, most of it is on you, it’s your wedding. You’ve invested a lot of time, thought, and lot of money into creating your vision of a wonderful day. All the people around you want that the same thing you do, I swear. But, they don’t live in your head, so they don’t always know exactly what you’re looking for or what you need. Plus, everyone — including you — is trying to pull this thing off while they’re also managing the rest of their lives. Nine times out of 10, whatever they’ve done that’s pissed you off was not deliberately done to you. They might not even realize it’s affecting you at all. Most of the time, you can take a deep breath and give them the benefit of the doubt that they are not doing it on purpose. As you would want anyone to do for you.

You would want them to talk with you before making any snap decisions or judgements. You would want them to ask you what’s going on, listen to you explain, and to figure out what the next step is. And, yes, this all sounds so very rational, but it’s also the truth. Look back on any conflict you’ve had with a family member, a friend, heck, your fiance, where you’ve felt that a finger was being pointed at you. Wouldn’t you have appreciated the opportunity to explain instead of an ultimatum and the door? I know I would have.

Your feelings (and you do have them) are valid. With specific situations, I usually recommend letting it go instead of getting into it. But, sometimes you are just GAHHHHHHH!!!! You have to say something, but be nice, be nice, be nice. Not only will you feel better about the situation, you’ll feel better about yourself. Plus, the story and the memory of how you were not nice will follow you around forever, both inside your head and in everyone else’s. Wedding planning lasts a short while, the rest of your life is much longer.

So, bring it up, but say it nicely. Thank them for making the commitment in the first place — don’t treat them like you’re doing them a favor — and then be specific about the stuff that’s bugging you. “You didn’t get your dress/come to my bridal shower/reply in the group emails I’ve been sending for weeks, is everything okay?” And then listen to what they say, and ask if there is anything you can do to help, including setting specific deadlines. It could be that it is all overwhelming, or that she does need to back out, but it’s better that she comes to that conclusion rather than that you do. Have the discussion before you make the decision, please.

This tactic works with anyone you’re having a conflict with wedding-wise. A vendor, your family, the doorman who doesn’t know where the venue manager put your favors. Tell them what’s going wrong, ask them what’s going on, and figure out how to fix it. Nicely.

What’s the latest issue you’re dealing with where someone is going to need a talking to? Has someone wedding-wise been not so nice to you? Let me know in the comments below.

And if you would like to find out more about me and my corner of Wedding World, go to Ooh, and follow me on Periscope,too @SilverCharmLiz.

See you at the end of the aisle,

  • 4/27

    A few years ago, I was in a lot of weddings.  It seemed like all of my friends got married within a short period of time. Although I was honored to be a part of their special days, I would be lying if I said that the ‘maid duties didn’t put a strain on my enjoyment of the event.

    J1 313There I am in the bridal cheering section!

    Being in a bridal party is demanding and can be costly.  In addition, almost every party I’ve been in or known has had some sort of drama with their fellow maids. Getting a group of women from different groups together to make decisions is challenging, and can sometimes bring out the worst in people. Many of my friends don’t even talk to some of the girls that stood up for them at their weddings.

    So, to save money and potential strife, we are not having a bridal party. I don’t have sisters or cousins, so putting a group together would get out of hand anyway. It would become another who’s in or who’s out situation.  My fiance also doesn’t have siblings or close relatives, and only has a select few close friends so our party would be unbalanced at six to two.  Primarily, though, I feel that placing certain obligations on my friends to wear a certain dress, etc. diminishes that I just care about them and want them there with me.

    I want my friends to come and have fun, feel no obligation to participate in any of the preparatory events, but I hope that they will because they want to. As a bonus, they not only save money, but I do too!  My floral budget is reduced to only one bouquet, no bridesmaid gifts, no hair and makeup expenses for the party.

    It’s a win-win, and will allow all of us to focus on what really matters, enjoying the day, celebrating and spending time with each other.

    How did you make your bridal party decisions, BABs? Have you considered going it solo?

  • 4/1

    How to Make an Ugly Supermarket Arrangement into a Lovely Wedding Bouquet

    Supermarket arrangements aren't always, the prettiest. Kiss My Tulle has a great how-to on giving those bunches a gorgeous makeover. Speaking of bouquets -- Something Turquoise has some tips on how to fill out your floral arrangement. Getting your ideas from the fairest of them all? Inspired by Dis created a great Snow White-inspired styleboard for your bridesmaids. Not sure what wedding dress style will…

    Read the full article →
    Share this!


    You guys. I recently read that the average bridesmaid spends $1,700 for your broke-ass wedding. Wait, what?! As it turns out, this number is pretty real. Check out this breakdown:  Average cost of bridesmaid dress: $200 (without alterations!)  Average cost for bacholerette party: $400/bridesmaid  Average cost for wedding day hair and makeup: $100-180  Average cost on gifts (engagement, shower, wedding): $200  Average cost for traveling…

    Read the full article →


    Have a few spring weddings to attend? Dress for the Wedding compiled some gorgeous dresses for those nearing nuptials. This UP themed wedding on Inspired by Dis is just ridiculously awesome. The Dolly Couture dress, the sprinkle cake ... and look at her ring! Photo: Chris + Jenn Photos  On Hey Wedding Lady, a husband surprises his wife with a vow renewal on a lake, a gorgeous…

    Read the full article →
    Share this!
  • 1/16

    Credit: Powell Pictures So, I’ve been checking in with my 2015 couples a lot this week. March’s backyard wedding was relocated to another backyard. May wants a photo booth.  I’m looking at venues with July #2 this weekend. June #1 is in way better shape than she thinks she is. And, actually, so are you. Remember that the next time you start to wonder. What’s been…

    Read the full article →
    Share this!


    Ally, one of my favorite local DFW photographers and one half of the extraordinary team at The Purple Pebble -- you may remember them from brides in glasses fame -- recently got engaged (yayyyy!!!) and threw a lovely luncheon to ask her ladies to stand by her side on her wedding day. Of course, throwing a luncheon in and of itself can be a little…

    Read the full article →
    Share this!


    Hello again, BABs! While we very (im)patiently wait for our wedding album to appear, I thought I would share with you one of my favorite wedding related things: PRESENTS! No, not for us. But for our amazingly awesome wedding party members. I love, love giving gifts and finding amazing deals! If you've been following my posts for a while, you know that I don't like things…

    Read the full article →
    Share this!
  • 9/29

    My bridal party, knowing my love of debauchery and penny slots, planned an incredible bachelorette party weekend in Las Vegas. I survived one day. ONE. But I am here to tell you the good, bad, and ugly of said party weekend. THE GOOD: Free flights. WHA? Yea, a BAB dream come true. My MOH's dad accumulates billions of frequent flier milers for business travel and…

    Read the full article →
    Share this!