6/9 {Reruns} Landscaping: On Maintaining your Lady Garden

reposted (with a few minor tweaks) from Dec 2008, due to popular demand.

*Note: Dad, you may wanna skip this one. Warning: Potentially Definitely embarrassing female and personal information about to be revealed! Seriously, skip it*

I got a request to write about, err, hairstyling for the bathing suit area. You know, trimming the hedges, grooming the hair-apparent, playing truth or nair? Its a delicate topic, but a relevant one. I mean, who wants to be concerned about their overgrowth on their honeymoon, or in their boudoir pictures? Pas Moi! Yes, pruning our pubicles is not only for the ladies anymore. There is indeed men’s grooming movement… to which I say, its about time, yo!

From trimming to shaping to full removal or au natural, there’s just so many options available. I personally favor a semi-regular trim with some strong edging skills, alternated with a full mow every few months to get a clean slate and fresh start. But, um, that’s just me.

There are a wide range of methods available to help tame our under-mane. The most popular (and painful) being waxing. Since waxing takes the hair out from the root, it definitely leaves you smoother for longer, but its not for the faint of heart of sensitive of skin. Prior to our engagement, I’d only been waxed once, but broke out into quite a rash of little bumpy zits/ingrown hairs and figured I’d rather be a bushwoman than have a case of lady acne. Not sexy. At $20-$50 per treatment, its also not the most budget friendly option available, either. However, I heard enough success stories about finding a hair whisperer that works for you, and thought – hey, I’m getting married… let’s do this thing! I found a freaking amazing local waxer on yelp just in time for the wedding. My tips? Make sure you get a trial run a month or so in advance, so you can gauge your skin’s reaction and have time to recover if you, too, have bikini-breakout-itis. Then go again a week or so before the big day for round 2. Your skin will have, er, toughened (so to speak) and it will be way less aggravating to your ‘dermis. I’ll tell you what, though. My alabaster skin has never been softer or smoother. It was quite addicting, and way less painful than I expected! And, if your lovelips have stage-fright, just remember the waxer has seen ’em in all shapes and sizes.


For more everyday maintenance, my trimmer of choice is the personal trimmer, at a reasonable $8-11 depending on the brand. This little baby is inconspicuous, quiet, and effective. It works fast and takes the hair down to the skin, with quite a smooth result. It works best if you manually trim first (with scissors – be careful, yo!) and then use this to smooth out the edges, asitwere. The safety guard is what I love best – no accidental skingrabbing here! And believe me, I’ve had many an electric razor give me a nasty gash. I love this one for travel, since its about the side of a highlighter, you can take it anywhere. I’ve used it for everything from some simple edging, to a full blown mow. With practice, you can even trim to custom lengths with this – so whether you’re into a crewcut or the yul brenner, this baby can deliver.

And chiggity check this bad boy out: First, who can deny a company called “Hair Care Down There“?!? I mean, c’mon! They had me at hello. HCDT has developed a line of gentle skin care solutions to help avoid irritation and create lasting smoothness. The 1-2-3 method focuses on shaping, soothing and smoothing – to avoid ingrown hairs and promote softness. You can buy many of their skincare products a la carte (prices range from $15-up), but their Ultimate Shaving Kit is a one-stop shop of netherhair maintenance that’s hard to resist.

For $89 you get a sassy tote, jam packed with discreetly labeled products, including: a detailed shaving guide, razor, brush, comb, mirror, scissors, clear shave gel, soothing moisturizer, anti-irritant spray, stencils, pencil and *gasp!* decorative bikini bindis! Its sounds like (dare I say it?) fun! This would also make a great gift, in a not-creepy, best friend kind of way, right? I think my favorite thing is the testimonials on their site, on which many happy hubbies suggest using this as a kind of foreplay. Interesting…..

I personally stay away from hair removal creams, because I’ve heard horror stories of burns. Anyone out there a Nair advocate?

Now that we’ve covered removal techniques, let’s take a moment to remember that even your lady-locks can be stylish. I’ve included this informative video which uses a simple outline and pieces of costruction paper to illustrate the many ways to style yourself. What’s your favorite style?

I hope this has helped to demystify some of the tools and techniques available to help coif your cuttles (too far?), but I want to know what I’m missing. Anyone got a fave product, style, or technique they’d like to share?

Oh, and I’ve heard rumors that Duane Read carries special dye for your muffintop! I’d love to try that business out!

The Broke-Ass Bride
Dana is the head woman in charge here, the original Broke-Ass Bride. Learn more about her here. And, follow her on Twitter (@brokeassbride), Pinterest (@brokeassbride), Facebook (/thebrokeassbride) and Instagram (@brokeassbride). Affiliate links, which might be included in the post above, help make her a few dollars here and there to keep her off the streets and in the business of blogging for your ass. So thanks for coming! :)
  • Haha that video is fantastic. It's a touchy subject with eye-contact involved so I'm glad you covered it on the web!

  • Thank you! This is very helpful! I'm totally clueless about this stuff.

  • Kendall

    haha great tips! Have yo heard of vagazilling?…never done it but heard that is the new thing in LA

  • Hahaha – "lady garden" – I love it. Great tips. It's an ever-going battle, isn't it???!?!

  • Heather

    I tried Nair and ended up with welts all over a place on my body where welts should never, ever develop.

  • Oh-My-Bush! That was the funniest cutest video eva!!

  • Hairy

    I have been using a men's beard trimmer to shape my shrubs. Works great! Way better than the trimmers they make especially for women.

  • Jenn

    this is hilarious. in a discussion with my future-sisters-in-law they actually recommended not doing anything particular for our honey moon so my handsome new husband doesn't get used to the special treatment. this was a wonderfully un-requested tip. one of the reasons i love them. 🙂

  • I tried waxing and got the ingrown hair acne (plus, itchy when it started to grow back in). Last year, I picked up one of those new lady razors with the controversial women-of-different-races-walking past-different-sized shrubbery ads. It has your standard leg/armpit razor on one end and a battery operated shaver on the other end. I'm a big fan. I tend to trim once a week as part of my morning shower routine. I like the look of that Conair trimmer for "edging" my hedge. 😀

  • Becky

    Just one warning… Don't let your man trim yours. Made that mistake a few months back as I was a little surpized he wanted to. It was like a kid using a weed whacker for the first time… High and low patches.. Hehe! I did give him an A for effort though.

  • Becky

    ps. I use to just use a pair of scissors down there to trim until I accidentally cut a chunk out while trimming before flying to see my mate… That was something I never want to experience again. Ouch!

  • My "garden" naturally grows within the confines of a bikini line. My husband calls me a dolphin – I have like 4 armpit hairs. However, I do need to keep the lawn mowed to keep it tidy and the stray "weeds" gets plucked. Yes, plucked.

    I'm exhausted from all the euphemisms.

  • Julie

    Laser hair removal is the way to go. I got rid of my belly hair and my bikini line hair leaving a nice patch in the middle to be trimmed every few weeks. Never again will I be caught with a last minute beach party invitation just before my next waxing. (Plus all the scars left from years of ingrown hairs even disappeared!) By the way, before the laser removal I would do self waxing. Soosoo much cheaper than having it done in a salon and I never had to expose myself to a stranger.

  • elizabeth

    i too suffered from horrible bumps and ingrown hairs after any hair removal procedure – waxing, shaving, you name it – that is UNTIL….my awesome new waxer recommended this product: "Get The Bump Outta Here." It's absolutely amazing. used every few days after waxing, your skin will be perfectly clear and bump/ingrown hair free. i've also used it on my underarms after shaving to help clear up razor burn. it comes in a roll-on deodorant-like container and goes on clear, doesn't burn or stain, and dries fairly quickly. at around $18 it seems kind of expensive, but this stuff will last you forever. and it really works, i swear!

  • kelly

    i’ve definitely gotta try that get the bump outta here! i get terrible in growns, razor burns, which can turn into a bacterial infection called hydradenitis which i get frequently. it’s HELL! and thank god i started with my legs when i tried the home waxing kit… i messed up BAD!! looked like varicose veins. Eek…. i’ve also tried Nair down there, which i don’t recommend. it just fried my hair and smelled like burning hair. i had to shave it off anyway, and then got a really bad rash. Veet worked a little better for me but not much.

  • The Noxema mini bikini shavers are the best thing for this!

  • smithelizabeth

    Hahahaha. nice vids

  • Stookie

    I actually do use Nair, and I've never had any trouble. You do have to be a bit careful, but it's not something you can't finish in 30 mins. One of my faves is the Bikini Shavers (by Noxema I think?). They're little tiny razors about 1.5 cm in width, they're adorable, disposable, and perfect for such a delicate job.