5/1 My Wedding Kryptonite: Glitter

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I think we all have an element of the typical wedding aesthetic that makes our teeth itch. Some people cringe at the site of taffeta, others’ stomachs churn at the smell of flowers. My wedding kryptonite is glitter.

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Glitter. Ugh. It’s like a decorative invasive species. It takes foothold in our festive environments, latches on to unsuspecting persons and things, and with no natural predator/easy way to be cleaned, it flourishes. I know it isn’t physically possible for glitter to reproduce, but I also suspect glitter is so insidious it isn’t bound by the law of conservation of mass.

My first run-in with wedding glitter was before I was engaged. When my fiance Collin’s sister Carrie got married, my soon-to-be mother-in-law Viki, who is an artist, hand-painted their chuppah with a tree of life in glittering silver.  Viki stored the chuppah fabric on the spare bed in Collin’s old room until the weekend of the wedding.  I’m sure she washed the sheets in preparation for our arrival, Viki’s an ace hostess like that, but washing sheets is no match for glitter.  So when Collin and I arrived in town for the wedding and stayed in his old room, we were infected.  You can see glitter on my chest in the wedding photos. I’m pretty sure I was still catching stray sparkly specks on my person after Carrie got back from her honeymoon.

And now my nemesis has re-emerged in a way that really frustrates my broke-ass sensibilities.  Re-use is a huge part of our wedding budget-control strategy (as you can see here, I had no qualms about reclaiming Carrie’s wire napkin rings to fashion my bridesmaid’s bouquets).  So when I heard that Viki had held on to the table numbers from Carrie’s wedding, I rejoiced because I had one less minor detail to throw my cha-ching cha-ching at.  But then she showed them to me (I was at Carrie’s wedding, obviously, but I couldn’t for the life of me recall one characteristic of her table numbers, because really, that is the most minor of details), and I saw that each table number was spelled out in chunky glitter. I told Viki that as much as I appreciated her offer and as much as I wanted to save money on this project, I just couldn’t let that much glitter into my wedding venue.  Even after my father-in-law-to-be pointed out the glitter is the same exact color as my (glitter free!) chuppah fabric.  Viki, fortunately, was very understanding of quirky distate for glitter and is working on a way to reuse the pieces without unleashing the glitter Kraken upon my wedding.

But the fight against glitter is far from over. At the very least, I know that when we get married, I will open each card with the delicacy one usually reserves for an oil-stained brown package with no return address and excess postage, hoping to be able to enjoy my guests’ well-wishes without exposing myself to the light-reflecting cancer cheaply glued to the greeting cards containing those sentiments.

Anyone else share my aversion to glitter? What are your wedding kryptonites? Does the color white make your blood run cold… does lace make your brow furrow… does champagne make you vom? Have you had to swallow your pride and exposed yourself to these things in the name of saving money? Vent in the comments!

-Robin.

  • Shellie

    Laminate them!

    • hitchdied

      Great idea! Viki suggested putting some kind of shellac on them. I'm letting her solve the problem because delegation is key to happy wedding planning.

  • AndyHopper

    Wedding Kryptonite: Polyester Dresses!
    Its bad enough that most of the wedding/ bridesmaids dresses on the market cost a small fortune. I still can't wrap my head around spending $5,000 + on a wedding dress; I am definitely on team-one-thousand-dollars-or-less… Anyway everything in the broke-ass price range is made out of cheap polyester and thats upsetting. Even some of the more expensive dresses are made out of polyester. Whats up with that?! I'll take simple cotton any day over itchy polyester. Is that too much to ask?

  • Ohhh … pink! I start spinning into a Joan Crawford-esque fit of hysteria. "No pink! No pink ever!!!"

  • Glitter is the herpes of the craft world. 😐

    • Also, my wedding kryptonite is the wedding march. I would rather lobotomize myself with a knitting needle. I'm not sure what we're walking to yet, but it will be epic. Our recessional is the Joey Ramone cover of "What A Wonderful World" I think.

    • Jennie

      We have called it "Stripper Dust" in our house for so long that I said that in front of my mom the other day!

    • Ex-Knottie

      Stephanie, herpes is the best description of glitter I've ever seen. That's exactly it. Glitter is the gift that keeps on giving.

    • haha! I totally didn't see this and said the same thing! Obviously, I agree!

  • theteej

    Mine are table confetti and tea lights. I'd rather have every single table bare.

    • Definitely agree with the tea lights. They have been banned from my wedding (especially since there is NO need for a noon reception with huge picture windows).
      I would also like to add string lights. Their only regular re-use is Christmas, and you can only use so many on a 4 ft tree. And the rest of the year they are falling out of closets and onto your head.

  • Lauren

    Mine is fake flowers. I know that some silk flowers are lovely, but I cannot stand fake center pieces and bouquets. I'm not really convinced that it's much cheaper than buying seasonal flowers.

  • Briggs

    Lace isn't my thang, or blatantly fake arbors/lattice work placed inside. eeep….

  • Chelsea

    any decorations you purchase pre-packaged from party city makes me cringe….

  • EJ Wood

    I'm only about 6 weeks from the wedding and I'd have to say water retention is my kryptonite. Stupid dress zips one day and not the next. I should start taking bets for the wedding day. I'd say it's anyone's game… 50/50 for now…

  • Glitter: The herpes of craft supplies.

  • Sabrina

    pastel anything. uuuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh.

  • Meeg

    lilies and frangipanis as wedding flowers. lilies are funeral flowers, and they stink to high heaven. they stink of death. and frangipanis always make me think of the classless women who stick decals of them all over their cheap holden hatchbacks.

    fresh flowers are my kryptonite – i have terrible hayfever, and i dislike the perfume of a lot of flowers. it's a very personal problem, and not actually an aesthetic one (other than lilies and frangipanis), so i just take an antihistamine and try not to shove my face in any bouquets (if you've ever seen how clumsy i am, you will understand this to be quite an effort if the wedding is well decked-out)