cheap wedding inspiration

{Can’t Afford It/ Get Over It} Mother of the Bride Dresses That Don’t Suck

Hey, y’all! Welcome back to The Broke-Ass Bride!  We’ve got a Mommy of the bride here askin’ for our help.  I’ve perused some fairly hideous dresses that the wedding mongers deem “MOB worthy”. I know the Mommas can be a handful when it comes to the wedding planning, the expectations, and their vision of our weddings, but do we have to make them wear frumpy, granny clothes?  I think not!  Here’s what MOB Ce Ce has to say:

Tori,

My daughter turned me on to BAB some months ago and now, I’m hooked! So many great ideas to help create a dream wedding and keep the costs within the realm of reality!  But now, I’m hoping you can help me!

Have you SEEN the gawd awful dresses they put out for mothers of the bride?!! My daughter got the dress of her dreams on a shoestring  budget (many thanks!).  Can you help me find something that: covers the arms, elongates the torso and slims the hips.  Tea length in turquoise or pant suit would be nice and I like pockets.  I’m hoping you can help me find something with Kate Hepburn class and a modern edge.  I’ve been following you and hope you’re allowed to help MOB’s too! We really need it!

Thanks a heap,

Ce Ce

The trick with the MOB dress is to stop looking for dresses labeled as Mother of the Bride!  Just look for knee length turquoise or blue dresses. The other thing is that we want to make sure our moms are swathed appropriately.  There’s nothing more embarrassing than having your mom sashay about your reception in a get up that’s too form fitting, too short, too low cut, or just plain not age appropriate!

Can’t Afford It (more like: Don’t Want It)

Nordstrom $398.00

Get Over It

Alex & Ava Belted Drape Neck Jersey

Nordstrom $59.97

Presley Skye ColorBlock Dress

Nordstrom $54.97

Max & Cleo – Tina

Bloomingdales $118.00

Three Dots Draped Front

shopbop.com $107.80

Maja Two Dress

Shopbop.com $398.00

Don’t box yourself in!  The second you start looking for something as specific as a knee length, sleeved turquoise dress with pockets you set yourself up to fail.  If you can find a dress that has at least 2 of the qualities you are looking for, the rest can be improvised.  You can search for one shoulder, spaghetti strap, or halter style turquoise dresses with pockets and add a jacket, bolero, or wrap of some sort;  problem solved!  Just be more open.  Try on everything!  Even if you wouldn’t normally wear it or choose it, TRY IT ON!  You’ll be pleasantly surprised.  TRUST me, Momma, Ce Ce!

{Real Bride: Katie} Celebrating Our Family Ties (& Tying the Knot at the Same Time)

Family Tree!

Greetings BABs! By the time you read this on Sunday, I already will have walked down the aisle to the rousing tunes of the Pipes & Drums of the NYPD Emerald Society. I’ll be stuffed full of mini burgers and candy from our penny candy themed dessert buffet. I’ll have danced my first dance with my new husband, and I’ll be a married woman!

If there’s any theme for our wedding though, it’s definitely family. At the very core, a wedding is most certainly a celebration of two families coming together. For brides and grooms, it’s an opportunity meet everyone and try to find their spot in the wider family dynamic. Families often come with their set of rules of engagement, and their own language. It can take a while to figure out why the Fruit of the Loom jingle is so uproariously hilarious and what balookey means.

For us, our wedding has also served as an attainable goal for many of our family members. Our engagement period has been peppered with quite a few health scares. Various family members have used our wedding as a goal for rehab from broken hips, pacemaker surgeries and chemotherapies. To us, the health of our loved ones is absolutely the very best wedding gift that anyone could possibly give us and we are so excited to celebrate our wedding with some of the people that we never thought would make it to the wedding.

However, we know that after our wedding we are going to get thrown right back into the deep end as life gets back to normal. It’s always difficult to manage the emotional side of family illness, but it can be even more difficult as the newest adult member of a family. It’s a fine line between support, and giving everyone enough space and privacy.

The point was really driven home for us when my Great Aunt died just 2 weeks before the wedding. I hear that she was really disappointed that she wasn’t healthy enough to travel to the wedding, but it means a lot to us that she even wanted to try. I remember her as a bright and loving woman, with a neverending supply of Avon chapstick. When I was a kid, I thought she had the very bizarre name of Sirelen, when in fact people were saying Sara Ellen through a strong Central Pennsylvania accent.

It’s very hard for us to make peace with the realization that our future family may not get to experience some of the great traditions from our childhoods. I don’t know that our family will get to sit at the breakfast bar at my grandparents’ house and sip ginger ale during happy hour, while my grandmother zips around making dinner. However, I can say with certainty that my family will get to sip ginger ale and enjoying snacks at my parents’ house on a Penn State gameday.

And that pretty much sums up what marriage means to me and Mr. Officer….the opportunity to move forward in life together, and make our own family traditions. We can’t wait to see what the future holds for us, and we’re really excited to do it together!

{Partner Love} Clay Bouquet Shop Provides Brides With a Lasting Memento Of Their Special Day

Today we’re giving a little love to our fabulous partner, Clay Bouquet Shop! We’re a big fan of Clay Bouquet Shop‘s gorgeous, hand-crafted custom clay and brooch bouquets, as well their extensive collection of dazzling wedding accessories. Shop proprietor Jennifer Ferencz-Barato began her career in bridal accessories in the same way that many talented Etsy wedding vendors do – she designed something for her own wedding. “I didn’t consider opening a wedding business until my hair stylist, photographer, and wedding venue manager (as well as friends and family) strongly encouraged me to create wedding bouquets and accessories for other brides…at our own wedding!”

“I create alternative bouquets for brides who wish to carry something unique at their wedding and keep for a lifetime.” says Jennifer. “Brooch bouquets are perfect for the bride who loves sparkle and bling. For those who want flowers that last forever, I create realistic clay flower bouquets, which I create by hand, petal by petal.” Jennifer can customize any bouquet with sentimental tokens, crystals, pearls, and feathers – and she can make a bouquet that perfectly matches your wedding colors!

But of course, the Etsy goodness doesn’t begin and end with bouquets! Clay Bouquet Shop also has a lovely line of affordable wedding accessories like bridal sashes, headbands, and clay hair accessories – all priced from $35-$60! Jennifer loves custom orders – so if you’re getting married this year or in 2013, get in touch soon – her schedule is filling up fast.

Are you enticed by all the shiny baubles at Clay Bouquet Shop? Well this week, we’re giving away a $25 shop voucher, redeemable at either the Clay Bouquet Etsy shop or online store! To enter to win, just visit Clay Bouquet Shop, and leave a comment on this post telling us how you would spend your $25! We’ll be announcing the winner next Friday. Clay Bouquet Shop is also extending a full shipping refund offer on all orders over $75 to all BAB readers through June 30th!

Five Things You Need to Do At Your Wedding

There were checklists. Timelines and tastings. Deposits and balances have been paid.  Rehearsals will be run. And you are nervous, and you are eager, you are ready to party, and you are ready for your wedding to just get here, already.

It will. And when the big day comes, all I want you to worry about is enjoying it. Here’s five things you need to do that will help:

1. Take a deep breath and look around. Often. Everything is going to move pretty fast, and you might miss something. And I’m not talking about forgetting your bouquet at the hotel (Fear of God alert!). I’m talking about realizing how many people who love you are in the room, whatever room you happen to be in at the moment. And how fantastic everyone looks all dressed up. And all the little things that you planned, that you were so excited about,  have come together, right before your eyes. It happened! And, everything is so pretty, isn’t it?

You Will Thank Me Later.

2. Eat. No, I’m serious. This is going to be a long day. Don’t get married on an empty stomach. If you don’t usually eat breakfast (disclosure: neither do I), eat something small – a piece of fruit, a bagel, a muffin, whatever you can get down. And that goes for the rest of the day, too, because the food – the food that you handpicked – is only going to get yummier. Ask your caterer to bring you a plate of appetizers and some drinks, while you’re taking pictures. And, use one of my tricks for the reception: Go directly to your table, and sit there until you finish eating. Do not look left, do not look right, sit and eat. Get someone to usher you there like the Secret Service, if you have to. Trust me, guests will come to you to say hello, and in the meantime, you can finish the yummy meal you paid for. After you’re done, you can roam around the room as much as you want.  Sit. Eat.

3. Don’t be a hero. In other words, don’t suffer unnecessarily on your wedding day. If your high heels are uncomfortable, switch to flats, or kick your shoes off entirely. If you’re nervous, do a shot or have a beer before you go down the aisle. If you don’t want to sit at a sweetheart’s table and have everyone stare at you, how about a long wedding party table, or sitting at a guest table with your friends? Whatever you do, make sure that you’re comfortable doing it.

4. If you’re not having fun, no one else is going to have fun.  I read Katie’s post, and she’s not alone – most brides worry that guests aren’t going to have a good time! The clue is to have a good time, yourself, because where you lead, your guests will follow.  If the dance floor isn’t full enough, grab your new spouse and a couple of bridesmaids and boogie down.  If no one has hit the candy buffet, be the first to grab a scoop and a bag. Jump into the photo booth. Find a corner and hang out with the crew from your college dorm floor. Laugh and smile when you are given opportunities to do so. Tell people how glad you are that they were able to come.  You’re not just there for show, you’re there to have one of the best days of your life. What does that look like to you? Go for it.

The proper response to a glitch. You'll get that glass on the second try. (Courtesy of Micah and Megan Photography)

5. Let it go. There will be little things that might go wrong along the way, like…forgetting your bouquet at the hotel. Or not being able to smash the glass on the first try. Or your mother disappearing right before you’re about to walk down the aisle. Or you’ve run out of glasses, run out of plates, and it’s started to rain.  I know, Fear of God again. The point is, whatever happens, nine times out of ten, it’s not a disaster, and there is a solution. Focus on the fix, not the problem, and then make haste to the dance floor. Repeat steps 2 – 5, as needed. Fun and happiness are both waiting for you on your wedding day. Keep an eye out for them!

So, which one of these tips do you think is going to be the hardest for you? And is there something specific you’re worried about? Let me know in the comments, and we can work it out together.

See you at the end of the aisle,

{Real Bride: Katie} “Are You Getting Nervous?!” My 10 Different Types Of Wedding Jitters

Now that we are only one week away from the big day, it seems people have been asking me the same two questions almost everytime the subject of our wedding comes up. The first question is inevitably, “Are you getting excited?” Well, duh….I think we’d have kind of a problem if I were approaching my wedding day with a feeling of dread instead of excitement. Then the follow up question, is almost always “Are you getting nervous?” Usually I just tell people that, no, actually I’m cool as a cucumber, but in fact I am a little nervous. 

If you’re just starting to think about your dream wedding, you probably think I’ve lost my mind. I admit, I totally watched wedding shows back in the day and thought “what’s there to be nervous about?” However, if you think about the minor jitters that you get whenever you throw a little cocktail party for your friends, multiply that feeling by 100 and then throw in some public speaking, lots of crying relatives, and a major life change….you might start to understand how it could be a little nervewracking. For example, here’s a little glimpse of all the random things that have been circling my brain lately:

1. What if Mr. Officer has a Mr. Big style bout of last minute cold feet?

2. What if I’m making a weird face in all the pictures? What if I have a double chin in all the pictures?

*Please don’t let me look like this in all of the pictures*

3. What if I’m so worried about worrying that I forget to enjoy the day?

4. What if I can’t get used to my new last name, and keep writing the old one by accident?

5. What if people have a terrible time at the reception, but are too polite to tell me that it sucks?

6. What if our first dance is lame, and we end up looking like two sixth graders at a middle school dance?

7. What if I start crying during the ceremony because I see other people crying and then I can’t stop?

8. What happens if I can’t walk like a normal person in the heavy wedding dress and I trip going down the aisle?

9. What if Mr. Officer and I end up getting a divorce after 25 years of marriage? Will I have to use some sort of fifty+ dating website, or will we have moved on by then to futuristic fifty+ dating holograms?

10. What if I can’t sleep the night before the wedding and I spend the entire day in an exhausted haze?

So there you go, that’s just a little peek at how my mind works. Luckily for me, Mr. Officer immediately got to work on talking me down off the ledge. For the record he is not experiencing any cold feet, and he doesn’t care if our guests have a terrible time, because it’s our wedding and it’s going to be awesome. Oh and also, he told me that if it seems like I’m making a weird face, he’ll make an even weirder face so that people won’t notice my weird face. Ladies and gentlemen, that’s love! You know, sometimes there’s something to be said for having a partner that can tell you when your being unreasonable. So now that I’m back to being me (a.k.a. a relaxed, non-stressball), so here’s my list of things that I am most excited about leading up to the big day:

1. Seeing all of our friends and relatives, all in one place at the same time. Our parents haven’t had a chance to meet yet, so we’re really excited for everyone to meet each other.

2. Wearing my awesome dress, because dude, it’s pretty amazing!

3. The fact that my dress has already been taken in twice (thank you basement elliptical machine and Netflix).

4. Spending the week before the wedding at my parents’ house in Pennsylvania. Side note: one of the best, and most unexpected, side effects of getting married is that you end up spending a lot more time talking to and visiting with friends and family during wedding planning. Maybe I’m just a hermit, but I’m so thankful for all the time that I’ve been “forced” to spend with my parents, soon to be in-laws, and bridesmaids during our engagement.

5. Our awesome band.

6. Burger sliders during the cocktail reception.

7. Raiding the candy buffet after I’ve worked up a fierce appetite on the dance floor.

8. The strawberry-basil-vodka lemonade that I’ll inevitably spill on myself at some point. Are you noticing a food theme here?

9. Making fun of the outdated animatronics on the Carousel of Progress during our honeymoon.

10. Spending the rest of my life with my own, personal Prince Charming!

{Can’t Afford It/Get Over It} Sweet, Short, and Sassy for $500 or Less

This week, I took it upon myself to see how many BABs there are out there who are brave enough to rock a short white frock for their big day. In my CAI/GOI research I’ve run across some totally adorable, beautiful, sexy and sassy short dresses that would be awesome for a reception dress or as “The Dress” if you have the cajones!  So, do you have the guts to rock a Little White Dress for your wedding day?

Can’t Afford It

Monique Lhuillier

$2,000.00 – $3,000.00

Get Over It

Heloise Dress

J.Crew $425.00

Embroidered Lace Sheath

Cache $198.00

BCBGMaxAzaria- Alice mixed lace Sheath Dress

Bloomingdale’s $248.00

Adrianna Papell

Nordstrom $178.00

JS Collection Petal

Nordstrom $131.90

Rebecca Taylor Sequin Bodice Strapless

Nordstrom $159.90

A.B.S. by Allen Schwartz

BlueFly.com $245.oo

Sue Wong

BlueFly.com $263.00

Diane von Furstenberg Zarita Dress

Shopbop.com $325.00

Halston Heritage One Shoulder Tiered Dress

Shopbop.com $425.00

So, BABs, how brave are you?  Would any of you rock a short dress to say your I Dos?  Would any of these make an appearance at your reception or another wedding related function?  Let me know what you think!

Your Wedding Flowers and How To Swing Them

Two pieces of lavender. Simple, and beautiful.

Most of my brides come at the whole wedding flowers thing in one of two ways:  They know exactly what they want, or they have no clue. They’re either focused on one particular tree or overwhelmed by the forest. And yes, I made a little botanical metaphor there.

The funny thing is, both end of up changing their minds.  Certainty slides into flexibility, while cluelessnes gives way to very firm choices. And it’s the same process – finding out what they don’t want, which leads to deciding what they absolutely do want.  Do yourself a favor right now, and #1 – Accept that there is a process. #2 – Don’t be afraid of it!

Start before you even meet with a florist and pull all the basic numbers. How many guests are you having? Divide that by 10 (or 8 or 12 depending on the size of your tables), and that’s how many centerpieces you’re going to have.  You need a bouquet, your bridesmaids need bouquets,  and all the groomsmen need boutonnieres. Do you want your parents to have bouts or corsages, too? How many of them are there? How about the flower girl or ring bearer? These are the same questions any florist is going to ask you, but writing it down beforehand is going to make you feel a little bit more in control, and it’ll bring up  questions that you haven’t thought of, like, what size tables your venue has. Smaller tables = more tables = more centerpieces. But then again, smaller tables can mean smaller centerpieces, too. Something to ask the florist about if your budget is a consideration. And if it is, write down whatever 5% of your budget is. That’s what you want to try and stick to flowers-wise.

Another idea...

If you know what you want right now, collect pictures to bring to your floral consultation. Print them out, bookmark them on your smartphone/tablet/computer, but bring the visuals. If you’re not sure what you want, then ask yourself this:  what don’t you want? Do you hate roses, do you hate peonies, does the thought of a cascading bouquet give you hives? What’s your color scheme, or what is it definitely not going to be? Nine times out of ten, going through this exercise is going to give you a little more clarity.

And, now, it’s on to the florist.

The great thing about florists is that they actually know what they’re talking about! If you say you want white flowers, they can point you in the direction of ranunculus, dahlias, tulips, and half a dozen other blooms that you never even thought of. A lot of times, they have examples of each of these flowers in their shop. Ask as many questions as you can, and definitely ask all the questions that you have. Don’t worry about what isn’t possible, just find out what is.

Get a proposal or estimate, if you can. A good rule of thumb is to stick to the basics. Personal flowers and reception flowers. The florist is probably going to ask if you need any arrangements for your ceremony, or for the place card or gift table. A small vase for the bar? Remember, you can always add these later, if you want. But, don’t get sucked into any of it now!

And most of all, enjoy it. Enjoy all the pretty, embrace all the options you have, because there are a lot of them. There is no way you won’t find what you need to have the beautiful wedding that you want.

So, did your wedding flower vision change after you got started? Or, what finally pushed you to realize what you really wanted? Or, are you still stuck and could use some help? This is the place to share – let us know in the comments below!

See you at the end of the aisle,

{Real Bride: Mellzah} The Elephant in the Room: Other People’s Expectations

Courtesy of the Boston Public Library, Leslie Jones Collection.

Hello fellow broke-ass brides! My name is Mellzah Dildarian, and though you may have spotted me skulking around the site for a few months, this is my first non-giveaway related post, so I thought I would take a paragraph or so to introduce myself.  I’m a freelance writer and makeup artist when work is available; when it’s not, I’m a crafting, painting, furniture-refinishing ne’er-do-well. I’ve been officially engaged for only a short while,  unofficially engaged for a bit longer, and we plan to wed in September of next year. I’m also known for throwing great parties, but please don’t take that as a boast: it’s already started to bite me in my broke ass.

I had my first-ever bridal breakdown this week.  It exploded out of nowhere,  and it was not pretty–I could tell from the “trapped animal” look in Mr. Dildarian’s eyes. Between hitching, snot-filled sobs, I moaned that I was already feeling crushed by people’s expectations of me:  some friends have strongly suggested that they expect nothing short of rented elephants and cotton candy machines, while I know our parents are dreaming of an elegantly-styled, church-y gala with expensive photos that somehow manage to make me look both radiant and slim, and nowhere in either of those scenarios does there seem to be room for a slightly dumpy, non-traditional bride who doesn’t like being photographed  and never really dreamed of having a wedding at all, much less a big wedding.  I was also actively ill at the idea of spending gobs of money for a big party at which I will be so busy playing hostess and sucking in my gut for photographs that I won’t have any time to actually enjoy anything about it.

So after crying it out and maybe a wee bit of tantruming on the floor (toddlers have got it figured out,  people! It feels good! Liberating! Completely unsexy!) Mr. Dildarian pointed out what was directly in front of my face this whole time: No matter what I do, someone is going to be disappointed with some aspect of our wedding, and we don’t have to arrange things so that we’re always left holding the unsavory end of the stick. It felt like a revelation. We can have the wedding we want, and to hell with their expectations! I don’t have to wear a dress three times the price of my car if I don’t want to. I don’t have to serve everyone a sit down meal if I don’t want to. I don’t have to invite people I’d rather not be present,  I don’t have to have a photographer follow me around, and most importantly, I don’t have to spend a penny more than I’m comfortable spending for a one-day party, and you don’t, either! With that, I must say that I’m very proud to join the legion of Broke-Ass Brides looking to save the money they can while having a fun, meaningful day that feels authentic to them, and I’m looking forward to sharing my journey with all of you. We’ll have to wait and see about the elephants.

Ask Liz: No Money, More Problems

I’m still in stitches (literally) so one new question, and one of my old favorites:

Dear Liz,

I was wondering if you had any ideas for saving money on the location. I have limited my guest list, I’m only serving hors d’oeuvres, and we’re not having alcohol.  I am even making my own wedding favors.  But, I’m having problems  finding a decent place that doesn’t expect a couple of thousand dollars just to rent the location. Any advice?

Signed,

Penny Wise and Venue-Less

Hors d'ouerves can be displayed in many yummy ways.

Ah, Penny. Time to multi-task – think outside the box while simultaneously thinking inside the box. Outside the box: Publicly owned parks and venues, and/or Local art or community centers that don’t usually host weddings. Look for a place that can provide tables and chairs.  The YMCA wedding we posted here a couple of months back comes to mind, as does Emily’s wedding.

Inside the box? Small hotels with conference space. Local restaurants with event space – you can still have your hors d’ouerves reception, and see if you can get a room without the bar inside, since the heart covets what the eye sees, etc.  At least, that’s one way to do it. And another thing about the hds – you need to make sure that you have enough to feed everyone for two or three hours. Here’s some pointers, and you should also consider appetizer stations, too. Running out of food is bad.

And since I am on a  really lovely painkiller right now, I will wax philosophical and remind you that infinite patience leads to immediate results. In other words, don’t get frustrated if you can’t find the perfect venue right away. As you know, there are tons and tons of places out there, which means there’s no way you won’t find yours. You just have to keep looking. Plus, I’m sure our readers have a few more suggestions as well.

And an oldie but goodie:

Dear Liz:

I’m really getting scared that we’re going to be over our budget, and going to look at rentals last weekend only made it worse. We have to bring everything into our wedding and reception site, from the tables and chairs to the salt shakers. And our original estimate went up because we forgot a bunch of stuff, like our sweetheart’s table and coffee carafes. Our venue is beautiful, and we got it for a really good price, but the rentals are definitely taking up what we’ve saved! We’ve tried to keep everything as basic as possible, no patterned china, off-white linens, but I keep thinking, is all of this really necessary? Like, for instance, the chairs. The rental company recommended that I get two sets, so we wouldn’t have to move them from the ceremony to the reception area, so now we’re paying for 200 chairs instead of 100. Our caterer is bringing four waiters to serve and clean up and one bartender, but couldn’t they move the tables and save us the extra cost of the chairs? We put down a deposit, but they also told us that we have until the week of the wedding to add or take out anything, do you have any suggestions?

Signed,

Sitting it out

Dear Sitting,

I get it, it’s going to be difficult to get all the chairs transferred over and set up during the hour or less you’re going to have during cocktails, especially since at least half the caterer’s staff is going to be passing hors d’ouerves. REALLY difficult.  Here’s an idea: ask your caterer how much it would cost to add two or three more people for the night, and compare that to the cost of the extra set of chairs. If getting more staff is less money, do it. And don’t worry, there will be plenty for them to do afterward. There’s no such thing as too much help at a wedding.

Other ways to cut costs – use your ceremony flowers to decorate your sweethearts table. Instead of renting ceramic containers for sugar and cream, bring in the packets (which you can recycle) or the actual cream and milk cartons in ice.  And wood stick stirrers, which you could also recycle. Bring out the coffee around the same time you cut the cake, and it will last until the end of the night.  Use one type of glasses for as many different things as possible. A water glass that can also be a bar glass, for instance. Umm…oh, right! And check and see if your rentals can be picked up the next day instead of that same night. In many cases, that will save you some cash right there.

So, do you have any ideas about finding cost-effective venues? Or what some other money saving measures you’re using for your wedding? Don’t keep them to yourself, let us know below.

See you at the end of the aisle,