November 3rd, 2011 by The Broke-Ass Bride
Got another reader request for this week’s poll… and it’s a mouthful!
“suggestion for your next poll: my man once suggested (when he was really, really drunk) as I was going down doing the oral thing, that I suck his balls. I was like ‘What. the. hell.’ And I didn’t. I didn’t even answer him, I pretended I hadn’t heard him and he got distracted and forgot he asked (I think) and he hasn’t been mentioned it since and it’s been over three years. So my poll suggestion is to find how WHO THE HELL DOES THE BALL SUCKING THING?!?!?!? AND WHY?! Ewwwwwwww. Those things are so gross, I don’t even like playing with them, I can’t imagine putting them in my mouth. yuck! Thanks! Love your website 
”
Well well well. Now this poses an interesting question. How much of the toolbox do you taste? Have you gargled the gonads in the name of love? Or do you stick strictly to sword-swallowing? Are all body parts created equal, or do you discriminate against the danglers? What pleases your maw the most?
And feel free to comment below with your thoughts and feelings on the matter of chugging the chestnuts, my hungry chickens! We’ll include your responses with the results next week!
Got a request of your own? Hit us up, yo!
November 2nd, 2011 by The Broke-Ass Bride
It’s Provocative Poll time, yo! The results are IN when it comes to the riskiest of business…. we’re talking bumping privates in less-than-private spaces!
Do you ever kick it in public? Let’s seeeeeeee, shall we?
Seems like most of y’all prefer to play it safe, and from the comments I gather it’s mostly out of career-protection based instincts. Admirable, ladies. Way to keep practicality ahead of passion. And really, I don’t mean that to sound snarky. It’s smart. And sound. High fives to you teachers and social servants out there.
“…the other half keeps hinting about a BJ in the theater and all I can think of is PeeWeeHerman and his arresting officer. I would totally do it if I didn’t hold a job in public service!”
“I lost my virginity in a parked car at my local ball-field (classy!) That’s pretty “un-private” if you ask me. But I was 18 and he was 20. Not like we owned a house or had any sense of privacy where we lived (home), so it didn’t seem risky or public at the time. I’d probably do something semi-risky like that again, though probably not in a car! It would need to be very low risk because fiance plans to be a teacher and I plan on having some type of professional career. Getting busted for sex in public would look awful to future employers.”
A lot of you reported that your more risque exploits seem to have been in high school or college, when privacy was at a premium. Lots of car sex, school sex, and sneaking it in behind closed doors. But with the absence of parents and the advent of apartments, y’all have tamed your game a bit.
“In high school we did it on the baseball diamond of my ELEMENTARY school. Perverted? Probably.”
“A long, long time ago, my high school sweetheart and I were getting busy in his car in a local lover’s lane spot and wham- there was our friendly local cop, flashlight shining in on our nakedness and all. That was pretty much the last time I let myself be talked into public sex! Of course, it helps when actually grow up and have a place of your own…with no parents (or cops!) to deal with!”
“When FH and I were still in High School (and a little bit in college, too) we got, um, creative in where we got busy. We’ve done it in the supply shed for our lake rights association, multiple times in the lake (while boats were going by), in my car (the quintessential teenage do-it place) parked in the long woodsy drive to my parents’ house, against a tree in the woods near his family’s vacation house, in both families’ swimming pools, and the one I’m least proud of: on the couch in the aforementioned vacation house when his grandmother was sleeping in the next room. Wow, looking at this list I’m realizing 1) we were a little bit crazy (I blame teenage hormones), and 2) it’s a miracle we didn’t get caught any of those times! Our sex life moved exclusively indoors a few years ago when we got our own apartment together, but from time to time we talk about taking it outside again.”
And some of you are down to do the deed all over town!
“Count me in the anytime, anywhere club. I’ve done it in a state park in broad daylight, in a car at the beach in broad daylight, just off the road by an electrical station, in my van outside of a club, and a few other places. No wonder my boyfriend is so darned happy to be with me! “
“Anytime, anywhere! Craziest place gotten busy, and gotten caught, would have to be on a car parked in the parking lot of an old abandoned mental institution. Before they tore it down, all of us locals spent hours wandering around and trying to break into the building, but very few dared to get busy around it. It was the most haunted place around before they tore it down.”
“Car sex is great sex. We’ll be driving home from a movie, and I’ll take the car down a quiet street. At first he’ll be all “Where are we going?” but then he’ll catch on a little later. We pull into a safe but secluded parking lot, and the out-of-the-ordinary factor combines with the we-could-get-caught factor to make it really exciting.”
There’s those of you with an itch to try it, but resistant partners keeping them behind closed doors:
“Convincing my fiance to have sex on the couch is a battle sometimes so public sex is usually on very rare and special occasions. However, I would do it just about anywhere if I could. I love car sex, and I have been known to want to get naughty in the bathroom. I have a voracious appetite, it’s just how I do.”
“I get very turned on by the idea that someone might sneak a peak. However, I can’t seem to excite my fiance to be the same way. The craziest place I’ve done the “horizontal polka” was at a rodeo, in the stands behind the bucking chutes in the middle of the night back in my college years. We didn’t get caught, but I think the bulls had a good show.”
And as the question of how many of you have been caught, most of you seem to be in the clear:
I mean, let’s face it. Getting caught, while hot to fantasize about, is certainly not ideal in reality. But I do love your getting caught (and almost getting caught) stories!
“the most provocotaive yet has been in my father’s open floorplan loft. My fiance and I quietly bumped in dad’s favorite chair while Dad & his GF were cooking dinner in the kitchen directly below us! Dad’s then GF, totally caught us when she snuck up the staircase which is blind to the chair to ask us what we wanted to drink. Sheesh, Lady! Ever heard of yelling?!”
“We did it one night standing on the balcony of a cabin we were renting. We think we were the only ones renting at the time, but if we weren’t, our neighbors got a pretty good show that evening.”
“I once did it in a hot tub at a hotel outside while there were people in the pool about 10 feet away. If they noticed, they never said anything. They came out in the middle and we were already way too involved to stop!”
Speaking of hot tubs…
“While on a cruise I gave my boyfriend an hj in the hot tub while there were people walking by. The hardest part was keeping my shoulder underwater so the movement wasn’t obvious. BTW, this experience led us to realize that we probably weren’t the only ones with that idea, and hot tubs may be super gross as a result. 
”
The most popular places to get down to risky business include:
Cars
Bodies of Water
Nature (hikes, woods, etc.)
In a house that your parents are also in
City parks/public spaces
So what do you think? Do the results of this poll make you more inclined to take it outside? Or less so?
…and stay tuned for our next Provocative Poll, launching tomorrow!
September 21st, 2011 by The Broke-Ass Bride
In the woods. On the beach. In a bar bathroom. On the hood of your car. In the hotel hot-tub. At the drive-in movies. Against the side of your apartment building. In the supply closet at work. Backstage at the Ludacris concert. There’s no shortage of places outside the abode to get your freak on… but do you dare?
source
There’s something to be said about the thrill of doing it in public, even if your “public” is pretty private… there’s still that hot rush of risk and spice of spontaneity involved. Cuz let’s face it, sometimes the mood grabs you in the most unexpected of places…. and waiting to bone until you get home can be mighty hard, ifyaknowwhatImean.
Been there? Done that? Weigh in!
EXTRA CREDIT: leave a comment with the craziest place you’ve ever gotten busy. We’ll share our favorites with the results next week!
September 21st, 2011 by The Broke-Ass Bride
We asked, you answered. When it comes to PushPush in the TushTush, you have some very strong opinions, very adventurous spirits, and a lot of healthy curiosity!
Here are your results in the great booty boundary poll!
Seems the bulk of you are firmly front-door only, and the next largest group have experimented with rear-entry only to be scared away by discomfort or awkwardness. But those of you who do it, do it for different reasons. Let’s examine.
In arguments against a moon landing:
“Exit only! DH would love to get in on that action, but it ain’t happening. It’s not like I’m not an open minded gal, I just can’t imagine 1) that it would fit. and 2) that it would be at all pleasant. He’s tested me out with a finger, and it’s just not cool. I don’t mind getting up in his business with my digits, if you know what I mean, however.”
“I’m a prude on this subject. The butthole is where poop comes out of. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“Hell no! The future hubs has definitely been asking about it but it’s a big no-no! Exit only for me!”
“One of my friends told me the next day you take a poop and barely even realize it because you’re pretty loosy goosy. That was basically it for me.”
“My boy is definitely against it, and was super grossed out by the idea when I casually brought it up. I’m not sure it is for me, but since he is so anti, I don’t have to really worry too much!”
There’s the carnally curious set:
“I’ve never done it, but would like to. My fiance, oddly enough, is the one who has problems with it; it’s an exit only: “Why would I want to go there when there’s a perfectly good hole meant for me already there?” I think the most I can hope for is an occasional finger, and even that’s wishful thinking.”
“I sometimes play with it but can’t bring myself to tell my bf I’d like to try it.”
In comments from those who ventured to the moon once or twice but will never go again:
“We tried it… twice. I really hated it and we couldn’t even get a rhythm going before I had to call the game. He liked it, but said it wasn’t that much better than vaginal sex to warrant further exploration.”
“Tried it once, will NEVER happen again! Ended up with a tear that wouldn’t heal and after 2 years of doctors visits and 4 doctors (how embarassing!) and an extremely sore bum, finally had surgery to correct the problem. Ouch!”
And finally, the tried and true back-door santas:
“OK, I’m going to step up to the plate and be a total hussy on this one. Ahem. Cuz it’s how I roll. The back door gets a total bum rap, and to be honest no significant other had ever seriously broached the topic before my husband (this is before we got married, probably about 6 months into our relationship). My initial reaction was “Uhhhhhhhhhh no.” But then I thought about it. And thought about it some more. I consider myself a pretty adventurous person (I began skydiving at 16. Fear is not a common quantity in my life), and I should at least do some research, LOTS OF RESEARCH. If I was going to do this, I wasn’t going to go in blind and uninformed. So I called my sister. The one who took me skydiving for my 16th birthday. And she gave me some very thorough info from someone who had been there, as well as pointed me to some websites (of the non-adult-entertainment variety) for more answers. I decided to go for it. I drank a bottle of wine first, FYI. And y’all, it was AWKWARD. But silly. It’s this completely not sexy thing when you lay it out on paper, but done the right way and with the right person, it works! It’s awesome to be able to laugh during sex, regardless of what position or entry it is. Plus, there’s that element of the forbidden, and that makes. it. hot. It’s definitely NOT first date behavior (or even 6th or 7th or 8th date), but it can be enjoyable. I don’t do it all the time, but it is a well-used adventure in our boudoir. I don’t think it is at all appropriate for people who can’t laugh about sex and be complete relaxed with their partner, because you really can’t take it seriously if you fart on your partner. Come on, now. All that being said. I do occasionally have a love-hate relationship with it because entry can be a little, um, slow, so it tends to be tedious in the beginning. But once you get going, it’s like riding a bike. SERIOUSLY! For me, it is something fun I do with my hubby, and it’s special for me because he’s THE ONLY PERSON I’VE EVER DONE IT WITH. Yes, ass play can be special. And the hubby? Thinks it’s great. But he’s a dude, so there you go.”
“Honestly, I love it! I’ve had some of the most intense orgasms this way.”
“My first experience was completely awful. It was rushed, the lube wasn’t right, and it ended with me curled up in a ball and him holding me apologizing profusely. HOWEVER. He went on a little shopping expedition of his own to the adult store, bought the right lube, bought a couple of toys of various sizes and worked his way up. It’s comfortable now, we usually do it once a week, and it’s a nice change of pace. I won’t say it’s for everyone, but for those of you who say you won’t do it because it hurts- YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG. Patience is imperative, as is the right type of lube (and we’re not talking the desensitizing type, which I would completely advocate against, but you need something thick). And work your way up to his size. It may take a few tries, but it’s completely worth it in my opinion.”
Thanks, everyone, who shared in the comments! There’s lots more where these came from, so bounce over and check out the rest!
If you’d like your partner to try “sticking it where the sun don’t shine” I do recommend some research on the topic. Statistically, 1 in 4 couples have tried it, and at least 10% of couples do it on a regular basis. There’s no shame in the booty game, whether you’re cautiously curious or completely converted. And there’s no shortage of useful articles with how-to advice, and tons of toys and accessories to ease the process along… so hit the books before you hit the bed!
What do you think? Do the results of this poll make you more, or less, inclined to give the old booty bump a try?
Got a request for a future poll? Email us and let us know!
September 7th, 2011 by The Broke-Ass Bride
Tighten your belts, ladies. It’s about to get real up in herrrrrrrr. Check out this reader request for our next PP:
My fiance has been bugging me about the back door for ever! I tried it the first time just to shut him up! Now he only gets the back door on special occasions & only if he’s super sweet and makes sure to lay the appropriate foreplay groundwork first. I really don’t enjoy it and it causes discomfort for a day or two afterwords but one back door session keeps him quietly satisfied for months on end! We do your average dirty dancing including the hand jive and oral entertaining on a regular basis but the Butt is strictly an uber special once in a long while thang. I think i’d be very interested to get the truth and nothing Butt the truth from your Nasty Poll! P.S. The dudes don’t get to weigh in on this one. It’s strictly for the ladies!
Thank you,
Tilly Sore Bottom
Who could deny a plea like this?!? It’s time to talk about booty duty! That’s right… ye ole Banana in the Tailpipe (aka the Beverly Hills Cop). The Posterior Poke. Community Service in South Central. A visit from the Back Door Santa. A little YesYes in the NoNo. Visit to planet Brownstar. Plundering your buried treasure.
So what say you, ladies? Do you ever allow for parking in the rear? Do you crave a little spelunking in your booty cave? Does the whole process fascinate/horrify/titillate/excite/intimidate you? Let us know how far you’ll go, and remember to elaborate in the comments!
And come back next week for the results! Something tells me you won’t want to miss ‘em.
September 7th, 2011 by The Broke-Ass Bride
Awwww yeah, the birth control poll was a major success. You ladies LOVE to dish on on the ish. So much loyalty. So much drama. So much info. Let’s let’s just dive right in.
So, this time, no one disowned me. That’s a plus.
And the diaphragm gets NO LOVE whatsoever. As someone who has used one, I can tell you why. They suck. I’ll spare you the details of why, but know this: I would rather use condoms for the rest of my life than ever use a diaphragm again. Seriously. And I *hate* condoms. Plus, (and I still find this vexingly perplexing) scoring a tube of spermicide in this town takes serious connections. I don’t know about other regions, but SoCal has put out a complete ix-nay on the ermicidal-spay ube-lay. And that’s one of the 2 crucial ingredients in diaphragm use. The other of which being the actual ‘phragm. Incidentally, the lameness of diaphragms makes me super irritable. No hormones! No sensation deprivation! They should be really great! But nooooo…. they are, um, really the opposite of great.
A whopping two of you out there rock a sponge. I’m curious about these, but I fear the same reasons listed above will ruin the sponge for me before I even ever try one.
So, pills and rubbers are your primary weapons of choice during the sideways shuffle. Pull and Pray slides into 3rd place with implants close behind. A bunch of commenters mentioned that they’re into the Fertility Awareness Method, which if you ask me is just educated Pull and Pray, but it is worth noting that I have several friends who’ve done FAM successfully for like 10 years and no babies happened. Taking Charge of Your Fertility is apparently the holy grail of FAM, so read up.
Implants and IUDs got MAD LOVE in the comments. You gals who love them really love them. Reports of a period-less life sure do make them sound grand. Plus, as one reader noted:
“IUD all the way. It’s an awesome way to answer this question: “So, when are you guys going to have kids?”
“Well, according to my IUD, we’ll discuss it again in June 2014. How are the crab cakes?”"
Ha!
There’s the copper IUD, which is the only non-hormonal kind available but is often associated with crampier, heavier periods… but definitely got serious props among the readers:
“I’ve also had a copper IUD fitted about 6 months ago after realizing that the pill was making me crazy and killing my libido. I’ve never had kids so i wasn’t expecting painless but for me the fitting was extremely uncomfortable and i had horrible cramps and lots of spotting for about 3 months afterward. Its settled down now and even with all that its been totally worth it to feel myself again. I was also never very good at remembering to take the pill in the first place so I love knowing a baby’s not gonna happen until I want it to.”
And there are hormonal IUDs such as Mirena… which come with rumors of painful insertion, threatened future fertility, sex drive abolishment, and inter-ladyparts pain ranging from bad cramps to Braxton-Hicks contractions. But yet, a lot of ladies have a lot of love, so it can’t be all bad for everyone. Witness:
“Mirena Mirena Mirena. My best friend. NO periods! NO more cramps! No tampons, no menstrual stink, no messy period sex. No condoms (hate!) And best of all…NO WORRIES. I used to take the pill…my three and a half year old daughter is a testament to just how effective those were for me.”
Last but not least… here’s an unusual (and hilarious) piece of advice from grandma:
“When I was eight my grandmother told me “Nia, see this aspirin it’s the only way not to get pregnant. You have to hold it between you knees.”"
As for satisfaction, most of you are happy with your chosen method…
… or at least you were, until you read these results! Mwahahaha.
Surprised by the outcome? Questioning your methods? Have a poll topic you’d like covered? Let us know, yo!
And come back later today for our next poll! It’s a dooooooozy. I can’t wait.
August 17th, 2011 by The Broke-Ass Bride
Oh, I’m excited about this one. It’s always hot topic among the ladies. So what’s your favorite method to keep from making babies while you’re busy making the beast with two backs? There are SO many options, it can be dizzying to contemplate, but we’re gonna take a crack at it and see!
From rhythm roulette to pill-popping to rubber-wrapping and sponge-worthiness, I’m fascinated by people’s preferences and experiences with all the famous baby-barricades. So, do tell… what’s your preggers preventer of choice?
Don’t forget to comment, too! I have a feeling there’s a bounty of BC-related knowledge and experience up in this crew, and I wanna hear allllllllllll of it.
Come back next week for the results! Happy hump day, honies!
August 17th, 2011 by The Broke-Ass Bride
Oooooh, INTERESTING verdict in the case of spit v. swallow, ladies! Very much so, if I do say so myself. (…and I do.)
Y’alls be some thirsty birdies out there! Way to represent!
Let’s take a closer look at the results of our “how do you deal with beejay by-product” survey… shall we?
Clearly the resounding lot of you are down with Marky Mark and the Spunky Bunch throwing a party in your mouth!
As for savoring the flavor, it’s pretty evenly split between not being a huge fan, and it depending on the day. Not many of you are flavor cravers at all.
The comments from this poll were pretty priceless, I gotta say. I’m so proud of you gals for sharing. Because sharing IS caring, you know.
In favor of drinking it down:
“I drink his milkshake. As Saito said in Inception, “It seemed neater that way.” Plus I feel like stopping to spit ruins the moment. (so says she who without fail gets up to immediately pee after sex… snuggling is of lower immediate priority than UTI prevention)” <– (this was a good comment in general, but the fact that she quoted Saito from Inception TOTALLY WINS)
“It seems so much easier to enjoy the milkshake… and i find it guys are generally impressed at my nonchalance. it’s just an added protein, right??”
“I’m in the “less messy” camp .. I’d rather not deal with anything sticky to clean up. Bonus – it’s great for shark week!”
In response problems with gag reflex:
“Practice with your toothbrush! Every morning and every night brush further back on your tongue until you feel your gag reflex kicking in. When you do try to breathe really deep and slowly and wait as long as you can without gagging. The more you practice this the better you’ll become. Honest. Also, as someone else mentioned, position helps a lot as well. I have to be on my knees with him sitting or standing. I can’t do it any other way. I hope this helps a little! ”
In response to flavor:
“Only drink his milkshake if you both have planned it ahead of time by having your man eat lots of pineapple and very little protein for a day or two prior. Drastically improves the flavor and it’s really easy to do if you are on your honeymoon somewhere tropical where there is plenty of fresh fruit available!”
From the teetotalers:
“This is something I use to get things going as well, but I still answered “not invited to my mouth party ever” because I can only do this for about a minute before I a) start to gag (even when it’s not anywhere near my throat, I just have and oversensitive gag reflex), or b) I get horrible jaw cramps.”
“I use it strictly to get the party started. I’ll finish off hands-only or move on to bigger and better things. The few times it has been the “grand finale”…well, I almost threw up. Leave it to a gag reflex, right? I answered other, because while I don’t refuse to take my mouth anywhere near there, I’m neither a spit nor swallow sort of girl.”
“This might be weird, but sometimes it gives me heartburn (and I don’t usually have indigestion). Kinda kills the mood, even though I enjoy the act.”
“My boyfriend knows that I’m not down with the idea… he stops me before it goes too far and then we continue to other activities! I’m really sensitive to taste, and don’t want to end up gagging, so I’m with the “opening credits” group!”
From a male perspective: (ps: YAY to the man who weighed in!)
“To give a guy’s perspective: we do find swallowing to be extra-sexy. However, we don’t mind just lying back and basking in the glow while you go run to the sink or whatever. Beejays are great, no matter how they end. Swallowing is just a nice bonus.”
And another male perspective:
“mmh this poll totally ignores the guy’s feelings on this… my guy doesn’t want me down there at all, so all I can say is “other” ”
Sooooo… there’s a round-up of interesting comments, but (if’n you’re curious about technique) mosey on over and check out the rest, on the original post.
Fun fact time! (from Wikipedia)
NUTRITION
Semen is primarily water, but contains trace amounts of almost every nutrient the human body uses. It has somewhat higher amounts of commonly deficient minerals, such as potassium, magnesium, and selenium. One typical ejaculation contains 150 mg of protein, 11 mg of carbohydrates, 6 mg fat, 3 mg cholesterol, 7% US RDA potassium and 3% US RDA copper and zinc.
VOLUME
The volume of semen ejaculate varies. A review of 30 studies concluded that the average was around 3.4 milliliters (ml), with some studies finding amounts as high as 4.99 ml or as low as 2.3 ml.
SOOOOOOO… there you have it! Stay tuned for our next Provocative Poll, and as always, if you have any requests… feel free to leave them in the comments or email me!
August 10th, 2011 by The Broke-Ass Bride
Ok… first off, I’m super proud of how well our inaugural Provocative Poll went down. You all came to play, and I LOVE THAT ABOUT YOU! Missed it? Catch up here, with the results here.
So, I know this week’s is gonna make y’all blush, but c’mon, let’s not pretend it’s not a fact of life. It’s inescapable. When you, (ahem) … go downtown, you’ve got a decision literally staring right in your face. Plus, we had a request for this topic, so we’re just going for the gold here, people.
Every lady has her own personal rules regarding how edible she finds the cream of sum yung gai… some are lifelong guzzlers, some are special occasion sippers, some are strictly spitters, and some have a no jizz juice allowed policy. With many, it depends greatly on who is on the trigger-end of that gun. With some men they will, with some they won’t.
It’s a very personal choice and depends both on comfort issues and personal taste, but most couples have pre-arranged agreements between them about how to deal with his blowjob by-products. So let’s delve right in, shall we?
Answer ye honestly! And keep the conversation rockin’ in the comments, if you dare to share. (please share, its so much more fun when you do!)
Come back next week for the results and our next poll! Got a topic of your own you’d like to see covered in a future poll? Let us know, and we’ll be sure to cure what ails ya!
