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Hi Liz,
My wedding is in September, and I’ve been struggling with my guest list for at least 6 months now – I didn’t send out Save the Dates simply because I couldn’t get it together in time. The main issue is that my venue has a 50 person cap if I want a sit down meal. I’m happy with having a small wedding, but it means there are old college roommates and friends from my 20s that I simply can’t invite. We thought of having a separate event the day after the wedding, but that basically means planning two weddings at once. Do you have any solutions for how I can include and celebrate with folks who are emotionally important to me but won’t be invited to the wedding? And once they get here, how do we acknowledge/handle out of town friends? We don’t own a house, or else I’d go the BBQ route!
Signed,
Gobstopped at the Guest List
Dear Gobstopped,
I can’t decide whether to start tackling this from the “good news” standpoint, or the “wedding planner with a stopwatch and a bucket of water” standpoint. Coin toss…bucket of water wins: If you don’t have enough room to invite your college roommates and friends from your 20s, then you can’t invite them. Sucks, but you can’t do it. The rule, such as it is, is that you don’t have to invite anyone you haven’t seen or talked to in over a year. Start slashing, over a glass of wine if you have to. And try and get those invites out next month, my stopwatch is ticking. Oh, and practice saying this so you’ll have it ready if anyone asks, “It’s small wedding – the venue that we love only accommodates 50 people. And there was his list, too, so that limited mine even more.” Not just short and simple, but true. And they’ll get it – they weren’t invited, but then again, a lot of people weren’t.
Now for the good news, such as it is: Typically, you get about a 15% attrition rate – in other words, 15% of the guests you invite are not going to be able to make it, for whatever reason. That even goes up a little if you have more out-of-towners. So, you can send invitations to say, 60 – 65 people and you should still end up at your limit.
You can also stagger your invites – send half or so out to those whoabsolutelypositively MUST be invited, like family and your best friends and wedding party. Then depending on how many actually accept within a couple of weeks, send out more. Everyone gets the same RSVP date, but you just need to give yourself a deadline to send out the second set.
As for those who didn’t make the cut, take a cue from my friends who’ve eloped – Send out wedding announcements afterward, either formal or by email. If you want to do formal ones, order them at the same time as your invites, and then send them out at the same time you mail your thank you cards. That’s like, 3 birds with one stone. Love it.
Out of town friends? If they’re not going to the rehearsal dinner or there isn’t going to be a rehearsal dinner, then find a bar you love with a great happy hour and invite them to hang out for a couple of drinks. If you can, buy the first round.
That being said…
Wow, these can get you coming and going, right?
Hi Liz!
I’m wondering what on Earth happens when more people show up than you are allowed to accommodate. I’m not overly worried about it – we only invited about 10 more people than the 150 we’re allotted, and of course some won’t be able to come. But I have this nagging feeling like: wait, what if they do all come? Most of our guests are local, so we’ll probably have a lower “No” rate than usual. It’s most likely I’m fretting over nothing at all! But have you heard tales of venues that are very strict about capacity, and weddings that are over that capacity?
Signed,
Space Worrier
Dear Space,
Most venues have capacity rules, but odds are that you’ll be fine – it’s that whole 15% attrition thing I was talking about above. But give your venue a call and ask if they would be able to accommodate 10 extra guests, if it comes down to it. Find out what that would look like logistically and cost-wise. Forewarned is forearmed, and it will make you feel better. I have coordinated weddings where more guests showed up than expected (RSVPs looks like an approximation to some people), and from my experience, venues and caterers generally make more food than is ordered and you can usually squeeze another table in there somewhere. But definitely, definitely ask.
So, are any of you going through these dilemmas, or does anyone have any more advice to give? Let me know in the comments!
Earth Day is 40 years old today, and we’re so excited. Mother Earth means so much to us, that we even made a vow to protect her during our wedding! So, naturally, on this day in her honor, we’z about to bust out some of our favorite green goodies to help you discover how being green can help you save green, have fun, and give Big Mama Earth a big, heartfelt, broke-ass hippie {HUG}
Anyone out there have disposables guilt? You know, that regretful feeling when you buy a pack of disposables for your home, a party or a wedding event? Hang onto your socks, and meet this bevy of bio-goodness. There are tons of disposables out there made from biodegradable materials, such as corn starch, bamboo and sugarcane bagasse, and they’re super affordable, yo! We used some for our day-after party and they were perfect! Biosmartused to offer a $20 party pack that fed 50 people… I wish they’d bring that back! But still you can get 125 plates for $9.99 or 250 bar cups for $24.61 – can I get a what what? That’s my jam!
Ohh Emm Geee.
Yes, please.
Sustainable Party is an adorable site filled with different styles of sustainable disposable – from your basic whites to some really stylish bamboo. They sell most items in bulk batches (ranges from 25 to 3,000) and bulk batches mean bulk discounts, and you know we love that! And I can’t resist those party monsters they put in the product porn GreenFeet has a great selection at great prices too – but my favorite has got to be the bamboo spork!
Present your disposables in a cute fabric lined basket, tie some rustic twine around the utensils, cut up recycled fabric with pinking shears to create adorable cloth napkins and some grub…. you’ve got yourself a guilt-less, easy clean up and affordable feast.
Browsing for a wedding dress can be eco-friendly in so many ways these days, its hard to justify not checking this shiz out! Naturally I’ve gotta plug the eco-fashionistas out there, having worn a gown made of sustainable fabrics… so let’s give it up for Deborah Lindquist, Amy Jo Tatum, and Puridee who handmake gorgeous confections of dresses out of organic and recycled fabrics and are just to die for!
Amy Jo's green-chic line has retro flair
I LOVE this color by Puridee!
But there before buying new, make sure to check out the zillions of bridal resale options… from vintage shops in your hometown to awesome online resalers like Recycled Bride, wedding website classifieds, or charity resale events like Brides Against Breast Cancer. You can even rent gowns like the one in yesterday’s gorgeous real wedding feature for just one night! Already married? Unload that lonely gown and send it down the aisle again on another lucky brides back, and list it for resale or donate it today!
Guiltless snacking is my favorite.
Add some sun to your day.
I’m sure you’ve seen that Sunchips has a very sexy new biodegradable bag, but did you know that all those old bags can still be put to good use? Check out this cutie pie chip bowl from Ecoist for your wedding registry or a gift, or snag a purse made from a Lay’s bag for your summer wedding!
California Pink Tourmaline, and vegan!
Something old, made new.
Eco-wedding rings do exist, and what a great way to make a vow, right? Recycling rings from estate sales and vintage boutiques is a great place to start, but you can get even more progressive by seeking alternative styles like the gorgeous wood-laid reclaimed silver bands right there, or those made of reclaimed metals and non-diamond jewels like this gorgeous $298 pink solitaire by McFarland Designs on etsy. Even better, scour your old jewelry box and ask friends or family to donate old metals, send ‘em to a jeweler, and have your own design cast from some meaningful metal.
Oh, there are so many goodies we love that support and protect the lady that feeds us, houses us, nourishes us and on which we’ll marry… I could go on for days. Do your part today and every day. As the Native American Proverb says: Treat the earth well… we do not inherit the Earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children.
I have lots of strong feelings about weddings. I don’t believe they should result in debt. I do believe they should be a celebration of your personalities, and sing with details that say something about your love. And generally, I don’t believe there are rights or wrongs in weddings, because really… who are we to judge what’s right for you, or the next couple?
But today, a really bad-ass post by my friend Emily at Eco-Chic Weddings (& Good with Style) reminded me that one of my strongest feelings about weddings is something I’ve not posted much about… yet. I kept telling myself I’d do it when I hit the ceremony part of our recaps, but who am I kidding yo? You and I both know those recaps are taking their sweet-ass time and I am bored of waiting. (sorry about that, they will come. sometime) So, in the spirit of continuing where Emily left off….
Holy crap, we're getting married!
Your wedding isn’t just one day. It’s no carriage gonna turn into a pumpkin at midnight, people. It is the beginning of your life as a married person. As a couple. As a team. It’s kinda like, your wedding is like the ultimate new years eve. Out with the old… and in with the new – resolutions vows and all. Heck, there’s even usually champagne toasts and kissing involved just like new years! It is not about expense. It is not about purchases, or timelines, or gratuity envelopes. It is not even about beautiful dresses and photographers and music. It is about you, your partner, and your love. It’s the beginning of a new phase of life, but now you’ve got a buddy who wants to be there every day with you. PS – how freaking rad is that?!
It goes lightyears beyond what kind of partner you want to be to your mate. If you haven’t already, now is the time to decide how you want to approach life together, as a unit. Whether you’ve been together for 5 minutes or 5 years, it’s up to you to decide what the next 5 minutes or 5 years or 5 decades will be like (beyond the to have and to hold business). This can be so fun (and it doesn’t cost a single dollar)! Look back at your relationship, and think about what elements you can infuse into your wedding design and your ceremony, as reminders to yourselves and to communicate to your posse, the kind of life you’re creating together. So…. eff tradition and let your unorthodox light shine, if old-school ceremony doesn’t suit your style. Or revel in the ritual of convention and history, if that’s what makes your heart sing. There is no right or wrong, as long as you’re being true to you. So be straight up with yourselves and don’t compromise. This is a rare moment in our adult lives, in which you really get to set yourself up for the future you dream!
When we wrote our ceremony, we were hellbent on making it extremely personally unique, and wanted to really use it to set up the life we want to forge together. If we were going to make a solemn, lifelong vow to each other, we decided it was best to put everything into words and actions that personally embody our priorities as a couple. And it went beyond the vows to each other. We invented symbolic gestures to replace ones that didn’t resonate with us, or we borrowed inspiration from others and made it our own. The internet is rich with cool people who’ve designed personal and rad weddings, and we made good use of their legacies.
My daddy, imbuing our rings with his love.
At the top of the ceremony, we invited our guests to join in a group blessing, to commit to support and protect our relationship – and then continued their involvement with a ring warming ceremony. We wrote personal statements to each other, and customized our vows completely, looking boldly at our strengths and shortcomings, weaving in ways to keep us strong, grounded and connected. We also dedicated a section of the ceremony to making vows to the universe – pledging to be conscious caretakers our earth and her people, and to lead by example in an effort to help others find a way to greener, kinder lives. Later, our guests showered us with compliments about our ceremony. Many said they’d never been to such an unique or personal wedding, and they absolutely loved learning about us through the event. The best compliment we heard all night? “It was so YOU!”
The same can (and should) apply to your design. Let your spirits sing, yo! Some of your guests may never have met you before, or perhaps the last time they saw you, you were rocking pampers. You’ve invited this specific group to witness your marriage, so what do you want your wedding to say about you, and how can you include your guests? Have fun with it, and see how many ways you can infuse what makes you YOU into the day.
And please, lets not underestimate the valuable life lessons hidden in the wedding planning process. If you’re self-planning, there are some bad-ass skills that you’ll acquire that can easily be applied to your life in ways that you’ll never imagine! From budgeting and negotiation, to creativity and design, to research and logistics, don’t just abandon all those useful talents you’ve been building up once you reach the end of that aisle! Use them to make your life better, easier, more fulfilling, and sweeter, every day!
Every couple has a different personality. A different set of priorities, or personal doctrines, by which they lead their lives. So why should your wedding be a one-size fits all, fill in the blanks script or design? Let your wedding day serve as a reflection of and launchpad for your life, and live its lessons every day, for as long as you both shall live.
And, just because I’m feeling hella guilty about our recaps being so slow… here’s a taste of our ceremony – the repeated vows that we handcrafted together: I Dana, take you Hunter, to be my lawfully wedded husband. To love you without reservation and to demonstrate that love in action, as well as word. To turn to you and not on you in times of trial; and to practice honest and thoughtful communication, especially when its most difficult to do so. To challenge and inspire you to be all that I believe you can, and to welcome the same from you with an open heart. To make passion a priority, and faithfully work to entice and attract you through the years. I vow to trust in your love and put apology and forgiveness above ego. To take ownership of my health and to care for yours; to celebrate your joys and share your sorrows as long as we both shall live. From my hand to your heart, I thee wed.
How will you use your wedding as a launchpad for your life? What life lessons will you take with you?
(update: I changed the title to “can be” after (the ever-astute) Liene brought it to my attention that it might insinuate that everyone is waiting for a wedding to come along before they start their life. Oh no! My true point is that a wedding is an opportunity to reevaluate your priorities, and consciously decide how you’d like to step into the next phase of life. And that the vows one makes and lessons one learns in the process should never become secondary to things like flowers and invitation wording. They should live on long after that day, and always! The best part of life is that every day, we have the chance to change it, and ourselves, for the better – married or not!)
My partner and I are both college students so we are trying to stay as cheap as possible. Plus I don’t see the point in wasting all that paper…Do you think it’s inappropriate to send out postcard wedding invites?
Sure, why not? Sure, your Aunt Edna may scoff at it, but guess what? IT AIN’T HER WEDDING – its yours! You can do what you like
I knew a couple who sent adorable postcard invites! They did their own version of the ipod ads with their silhouettes and white headphone cords on the front, and the back was set up like an iPhone screen with the relevant info and their wedding website address. I loved it!
How did you develop your writing style and blog sense?
I was born with it, yo! *wink*
I basically write like I talk, but smarter and funnier (I hope). And ballsier. I write my best self, the one I’m sometimes shy to share in person (but I’m working on it!). Does that make sense? Its all authentically me, though. All Dana, all the time
I developed my blog sense by drinking in as much bloggy goodness as possible. I saw what others did and I learned from it. From the successes and failures I see in other blogs. And I still am doing it, I never stop learning, plotting, revising, etc. Its a lot of trial and error. Lots of firing bullets with one hand over my eyes. Sometimes I fail, and try again. Sometimes I win! (I like winning).
If you’re trying to find your own voice, I have two pieces of advice:
1. Be yourself. Authentically, genuinely you. No one does it better
2. Write write and write some more. The more you do, the more you’ll find your voice and the courage to let it sing loud and proud!
What was your favorite wedding accessory?
My fly-ass husband, yo!
Ok, I know that’s not what you were looking for, but its the truth
I loved my dress more than words can tell. But I also loved my headpiece and earrings, my shrug, my bouquet and my shoes a whole lot. BUT the wifey pimp cup? That one was balls out awesome.
In conclusion, while everything I wore made my heart sing, my husband was the best accessory of all.
How do you slow down and find balance on days that feel just completely overwhelming? What do you do to cope and take control again?
GREAT question! And one that I still haven’t perfected the answer to… yet.
When I am completely overwhelmed and I feel like I’m drowning, the following things help:
1. Make a list of all there is to do
2. Prioritize it as much as I can
3. Do the 2 easiest things just to be able to cross them off. Even if #1 is “make a list”
Other great things that help me:
1. Take a 10 minute break and get away from my desk. Outside if possible. Even if I feel I don’t have the time to spare, just getting fresh air and a change of scenery can really help with my mindset.
2. Changing up my music. Something productive and happy can help me shift my perspective.
3. List 10 things I’m grateful for (especially good for when overwhelmed = blue)
4. Take a day off. I know a day off for a business owner is pretty different from that of a 9-5er, but just gifting myself with the time and freedom to see a movie or have girlfriend time over a manicure can really improve my mental health.
5. Exercise. Again, I never feel like I have time. But even just 20 minutes for the Shred can really clear my head and make me feel in control of myself again.
6. Ask for help. Hunter helps me so much, and I’d be lost without him. But asking for help is sometimes the last thing that occurs to me when I’m stressed! Go fig…
Hope this helps! Good luck!
What is the recipe of your most favorite healthy meal to cook at home?
Oh, man – there are so many, and yet, most of them are originals without recipes. We’re the kind of cooks who throw something together based on what’s around, usually.
But, I happen to LOVE this easy, peas-y soup. Its a snap to make, super healthy, and leaves guests wowed:
Chilled, Minted Pea Soup!
*3 cups frozen green peas
*2 cups vegetable stock
*handful of fresh mint leaves
*salt/pepper to taste
*juice of 1/2 lemon or lime (optional)
Put all the ingredients into your blender, hit GO, and let it all be pureed into a delicious delight. If you’re feeling extra fancy, strain it, but its good either way.
Garnish with a few mint leaves and a dollop of creme fraiche (if you’re extra fancy), throw a hunk of crusty bread with some olive oil on the side, and enjoy the flavor party in your mouth!
Your ability to put yourself out there is very inspiring. What is your biggest motivator?
Desperation. Seriously. Pretty simple.
I’m DESPERATE to give myself the gift of the life I’ve always dreamt of. Desperate to get out of my dayjob doldrums. Desperate to be creative for a living. To be heard. To get out of debt. To be fulfilled. To make a difference. To inspire others. TO CHANGE THE WORLD.
I can’t tolerate the alternative of always wondering “What if?”, so I use all of that desperation and turn it into motivation to take the bull by the horns and lay my balls on the table to make it happen. Life is for living!
Don’t get me wrong. Its scary as hell. I get butterflies in my stomach. I get nauseous with fear. I procrastinate. I fret. I cry. But at the end of the day, I push myself to do the scary things because that’s when change happens. I go to sleep proud, because I didn’t let the fear paralyze me. Instead, I made it work for me. I took control. Whether I win or lose the goal I’m working toward, I always win the self-respect that comes with trying as hard as I can… balls to the walls.
At first it felt like pretend. I was ACTING brave, but it felt like a mask. But over the years I’ve realized it was always in me… I just needed to exercise that muscle and welcome it in. Now I can’t see myself living any other way!
I see friends and colleagues stuck. Inert. Stagnate. And they’re miserable. But they don’t do anything. They don’t affect change because they’re too busy waiting for life to happen to them. It makes me so sad, because I’ve been there too. I just want to shake them awake and help them. But people can’t be helped unless they’re ready to help themselves. That lesson, I’m still learning.
I spent 25 years waiting for life to happen to me. I’ve always been ballsy and took risks, but only sometimes and always in soulquaking fear. In opposition, I spent many years paralyzed in self-doubt, fear, and misery… hoping for something to change. Little did I know what needed changing was my attitude! I try to look back on those times with gentle eyes, and see how going through that helped me build up what I needed to turn around…. but I also look back on that time as life lost. And that burns.
So I resolved to actively participate in the change of my life, and every day I step into and through my fear to reach that goal. Because I’m absolutely desperate to make it happen.
The Big Day when I become a Hubby has arrived. If you missed all the fun things I did to gently morph the speeding bullet of wedding planning into the Wedding Soul Train click here. But Yowsers! The wedding countdown clock is ticking, and we need to get back to Groomsmen HQ to change, and FAST!
Fresh Hubby Tip Numero Seis: Through out the day, find a few moments here and there to look at your vows. Whether you wrote them yourself or you are going the traditional route, take some time to connect with what you are going to say later on. After all, that’s the whole point of the day right? You have gathered your dearly beloved to witness your declaration of love of and commitment. These are more than words, they have meaning. When the time comes you don’t want to just repeat them, you’ll want to be comfortable enough that you feel them. I wrote mine out on business cards and during every activity took just a few moments to check in with my vows.
VOWS, now in a convenient travel size...
...study on the bus...
...Study where ever you get a moment
Fresh Hubby Tip Numero Siete: Keep all your destinations close and flexible: We were going to lounge by the pool at the hotel but, “Whoa where did the time go? We’ve got to get ready!” To The Magic Castle! We all crammed into my Brother the Best Man’s hotel room to change. I’m flinging clothes on, throwing some water on the fro, and pulling off a little Flashdance hair shake.
Hmm, how many was the room reservation for?
It's raining Grooms, Hallelujiah!
The SHUTTLE HAS ARRIVED TO TAKE US TO THE CEREMONY!!! Oh dear! My suitcase of clothes for our newlywed sleepover is with me. Unless we want to get dropped off at The Magic Castle and then stumble two blocks dragging a suitcase, in the middle of the night after our wedding, I better get it over to our hotel fast! “DAVE! Can you run this over to the Renaissance Hotel and then RUN back?” “Wha? Uuuh… On it!” Knock Knock. “It’s your mom. We haven’t rehearsed our mother son dance.” “Yikes! I haven’t even heard the song in ten years!” Cue Mom and half dressed son Dancing around the hotel while mom says “one, two, one two three” and son mutters, “Shall we dance? bum bum bum”.
My mom never takes off her dancing shoes
OK, we can pull this off! I just have to fling my jacket on. Ask mom to pin on my Boutonniere.
The last moment alone with my mom as just... her boy
Run downstairs to the doubledecker bus which…is… getting a parking citation from the Los Angeles Parking Violations folks.
NOW IT’S AN L.A. WEDDING Y’ALL!
"Oh it's the Fresh Hubby's Wedding?!... You're still getting a ticket!"
Awkward...
Every one on board! We need to get out of here before we get another ticket, but “Where’s Dave?!”. Fortunately its a doubledecker so we are at a vantage point to see off in the distance a slender fellow in a suit running towards us with all his might. Dave hops in and we are off! … TO GET MARRIED!… HOLY CRAP!
Full speed ahead! To My Wedding!!!
P.S. Fresh Hubby Tip Numero Ocho: If you are riding a topless double decker bus and a huge tree branch comes straight at you…
This weekend, I’m going to experience some very happy wedding deja vu. My Bride$hare buddy is getting married, and Hunter and I are thrilled to go back to the Bungalow Club for the first time since our wedding 6 weeks ago, and enjoy some of our decor, drink delicious mojitos, and dance our faces off, for the 2nd time around. These are the fateful paper lanterns that spawned the whole idea for Bride$hare!(photo by Dan Chen)
Way back when, Rebecca saw a blog post of mine lamenting the desire for paper lanterns to spruce up the space at my venue, and she contacted me to suggest we go in on them together and share them. That was just the beginning. Together, we were able to co-purchase and recycle many items from our weddings, which went perfectly with Hunter and my mission to both save green and be green in our wedding plans! In fact, the reception venue owner likes them so much, she might even buy them off of us after the fact and keep them up, which means future brides can benefit from them, too! My bridal karma meter must be off tha charts, son!
These manzanita trees will make a repeat appearance this weekend, too!
Having a Bride$hare buddy was not only a great way to be more fiscally and eco-responsible, but it was also the beginning of a fun and resourceful friendship. Whenever we researched or booked vendors/hotels/rehearsal dinner venues, we’d check in and make suggestions or give feedback to one another about it. We talked invitation design and oohed and aahed over eachother’s creations. We generally supported eachother in a way that most brides only find via message boards, and that was a priceless bonus of the whole experience.
Together, we shared roughly $4,000 worth of goods/services. It was so inspiring, that I set up a website for other brides to connect and get their own share on! Saving all that money was certainly thrilling, but after blogging about it what excites me most is the amount of interest in and embracing of the BrideShare concept from gals all across the web. I encourage you all to try and share and save – after all, green is the new white! So whatcha waiting for? Go get you some!
I am so happy for Rebecca and Rupen this weekend, and can’t wait to celebrate with them, and raise a glass to our collective good fortune.
If you’re like me, and you just can’t get enough of Dan’s pictures (and let’s be real, who can?!), take a gander at the to-die-for slideshow he put together of our teasers and much more!
After the overwhelming response to his photos yesterday, Dan has announced that he will waive his travel fees for any LA brides who found him through these posts and wish to book him as if he were a local photographer. Woot!
Dudes, these photo teasers have turned me into Narcissus…. I just want to stare and stare at them all day long. I may well go blind from staring at the computer screen, but at least the last visions my eyes will see will be that beautiful and special, right…?
While writing our ceremony with our officiant/yogi/friend Billy, we’ve struggled to find a ritual that really speaks to us to take the place of what’s normally a sand ceremony, unity candle or the like. I adored the idea of planting a tree (a la Matt & Sara), but since we’re not homeowners (yet), we thought it was kind of risky to have to haul a tree around from home to home. What if it died? No bueno. We also loved Mrs. Lovebug’s wine and chocolate ritual, and we tried with all our might to find a way to work it to be more “us” – even tentatively planning on a salty/sweet ceremony, but it just didn’t feel right.
Then last night, I was catching up on the ‘Bee, and I found it. Thanks to Miss Cowboy Boot (a newer Bee who is full of great ideas), she’s letting me repost the meat of it here:
“A dear friend of mine mentioned a tradition she’d seen at a wedding she’d been to recently. She’s not getting married, nor is she really paying attention to details at weddings, but this one stuck with her for some reason. She mentioned love letters, a wooden box, two wine glasses, and a bottle of wine. It’s supposed to work something like a unity candle, or pouring grains of sand into one vessel. But when she explained it to me, I liked it more than these two options. And so did Mr. CB.
The tradition goes something like this: The couple writes love letters to each other. In their letters, they detail why they fell in love with each other and what they really, truly admire about the other person. The letters get sealed up before they are read by the person they are intended for.
The sealed letters are brought out at the end of the ceremony. They are put into a wooden box that the couple supplies. Along with their letters, they put a nice bottle of wine into the box with two glasses. Once all is in the box, the wedding party hammers nails into the box to close it.
The point of all this? If, at any point, the marriage is in serious jeopardy, the couple is to open the box, read the letters about why they fell in love with each other in the first place, and drink the wine together before making any irrational decisions.
While, some could see this as a somewhat solemn ritual and not a celebratory or joyous tradition, I see it as being realistic and somewhat romantic. It’s a metaphor for keeping the marriage based in truth and what is real. The hope is that you won’t have to open the box but, who knows, maybe on your 40th anniversary, it’s a treat.
Mr. Cowboy Boot and I were immediately drawn to this tradition. We love wine and can think of several vineyards that mean something to us. If times were tumultuous down the road, I could see those certain wine bottle labels bringing us back to more carefree days and to the things we love about each other.”
Hunter and I, too, share a love of wine and vineyards. Heck, we almost got married in one! We also backpacked Europe together early in our relationship and credit that trip for our deep, lasting partnership. Some of our favorite memories are from France and Italy, drinking chilled rose wine in sidewalk cafes to escape the murderous heat that summer.
We discussed it, and feel this is a great way to remind ourselves of the innocence and purity of our love if times get tough. We’ve watched several couples struggle recently, and I wonder if this kind of “love emergency kit” might have given them some perspective or renewed their convictions to each other. And, like CowboyBoot says, the best we can do is hope its never necessary, and toast to a far-off anniversary someday with it. Plus, I love the symbolism of the wedding party sealing it shut. It’s so moving to me.
Le sigh. I just love it.
Have you found an unique tradition to incorporate in your ceremony? Do share!
