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Last week I had the immense pleasure and honor to be a speaker at the first annual Inspire Smart Success Experience in Riviera Cancun, Mexico – and had the time of my life meeting, learning from and educating a diverse and talented group of wedding business pros of every level. Oh, and drinking copious margaritas. And mojitos. And basking on the beach. And dancing by the pool. And periodic tequila shots. Y’know, all the things that make a trip to the Caribbean… well, a trip to the Caribbean. That is, if you like to party. And oh… I likes to party.
(you should know that I am a WHORE for all-inclusive resorts after our honeymoon at Dreams Los Cabos. You give a broke-ass like me permission to eat and drink as much as I want, including room service an a mini bar? I might never leave. And I will gain like 20 pounds. Yeah, that happened.)
I can safely say that it was the most fun Hunter and I have ever had at a wedding industry event. It was impeccably planned, designed and executed by Stacie, Rachel and her team, and the people it attracted were some of the most outgoing and genuine I’ve had the chance to meet in this business. Such a bad-ass crew. Stacie definitely attracted an amazing crew of attendees and speakers! I miss them all already.
Inspire Smart Success was created by the incomparable Stacie Francombe (former founder and CEO of GetMarried Media) as a full service entrepreneurship mentoring concept. From a quarterly magazine to regional conferences to one-on-one mentorship and beyond, Stacie is building an empire focused on helping people develop and grow their businesses to their fullest potential. She’s done several city-specific mini-conferences this year and wrapped it up with a 4-day experience in the most gorgeous of gorgeous settings at the Now Sapphire Resort on the sparkling gulf of mexico.
From the minute we arrived, we were blown away by the attention to detail and level of service. And our room… well, I’ll let the photo speak for itself.
Champagne. Waiting for us. In the room. (I am also a whore for champagne)
Walking out of our room, this was 20 steps down the path:
It’s a bar. ON THE BEACH. I mean, come on. (everyone, wave at Fresh Hubby!)
Friday night was the Blanca Beach party. After drinking margaritas all day, then champagne while getting ready for the night, then switching to beer and sake for Japanese dinner with our FABULOUS and fun friends Robert Evans and Mike Colón, then back to margaritas at the event, I was left looking something like this:
Hot mess.
That’s Bernadette from 14 Stories behind me, hamming it up. She was one of my favorite new friends from the trip – what a hoot! And yes, that’s me on my bag. Because I’m awesome. And vain. or both. Anyway, the point is, I went to bed early that night. Like a boss.
I’ll have more to share about the rest of the conference, the sessions and events, but for now… check out this incredible teaser video by the pimps over at Epic Motion – they really captured the essence of the week… so take a look!
As 2011 rambles ever-steadily on toward December 31st, the pressure of a new year is just around the corner. This makes me particularly anxious, because my aquarian ass knows my birthday is just around the corner from New Years, and that makes January is a double-whammy of NEW. There’s twice the… potential… in the air. Annual opportunities for fresh beginnings and second chances. Redemption, if you will. (and I do.) So I throw on my fancy instropection hat (oh, it’s cute, don’t worry) and take a good hard look at where I’ve been, where I am, and where I’m going. And, inevitably, I’m kindatotallysomewhatvery disappointed with how little I accomplished in the previous year. I just never seem to get enough done.
Throughout my life, I’ve kept a mental “List”: things I desperately want to experience or accomplish before I’m done. Some that I’ve put voice to publicly, some I confessed to loved ones privately, and some which have emerged from the recesses of my imagination and tethered themselves relentlessly to my heart. It’s a work-in-progress, but each item on it is rooted deeply in my intention and speaks for my essence… my innate Dana-ness.
I was inspired to put mine to paper last year after reading Maggie’s blog and Mighty Life List. And this year, when Meg told me that Maggie would be hosting a weekend retreat in Palm Springs called Camp Mighty, I knew what I had to do. From their site:
Camp Mighty is a retreat for people who like to make cool stuff. If you’re one of those people, you should come. We can talk about getting good at life. We’re here to live better…get smarter…do gooder.
…Camp Mighty is a weekend structured around skills. The objective is to improve your life until it cannot be further improved.
And our Life Lists are the starting place. OH AND THERE’S A SPACE CAMP PARTY, WITH ANTI-GRAVITY. Holy crap, you guys… “experience anti-gravity” was already ON my Life List. I couldn’t not go.
So I am going.
Part of the “Doing Gooder” aspect is that each camper is asked to raise or donate $200 to Charity: Water a non-profit organization bringing clean and safe drinking water to people in developing nations. 100% of public donations directly fund projects to help bring clean water to those that don’t have it. Currently 1 billion people across the planet don’t have access to clean drinking water. If I raise $200, everyone who donated will have helped 10 people get access to clean water, and if my team reaches our goal of $5000, we will all have helped build a well for an entire village. Collectively, all Mighty Campers will be raising $20k to bring clean drinking water to the needy. Check it out:
So go ahead and donate. Treat yourself to a hit of Do-Gooder seratonin, and wallow blissfully in some warm fuzzies, knowing you helped make that happen.
Or, if warm fuzzies aren’t enough: each person who donates a minimum of $10 to my team’s Charity:Water fund until I reach my goal, will be the dubiously lucky recipient of an original, personalized haiku poem, from me to you, and a video of me reciting it. I write a mean haiku, people. Get you some.
CLICK HERE TO MAKE A DONATION ***and be sure to list my name in the comment box at the bottom of the page, near the donate amount field, so we can track that you donated through BAB (& if I owe you a haiku!)***
Camp Mighty is next weekend, and in preparation I’ve been revising my list, and laying groundwork toward some of the goals to try and get a head start. Spending a weekend with like-minded people, soaking up inspiration, and organizing my priorities sounds like just what the doctor ordered. A good, motivational kick in the pants before 2012 smacks me in the face. (Well, that… and space camp. I mean, let’s be real.)
I’ll be sure to report on how it goes!
…and if you’re interested in what’s on my Life List, you can read it here.
Hi, my name is Dana and I am constantly fighting against myself to make myself do the things that I fear most.
I have lots o’ friends and family members who go through life avoiding things that scare them – or worse – are paralyzed by their fears and thus only fulfill a small portion of their potential, because they’d prefer to not try, rather than try and risk failure. That is, to me, a fate worse than death.
Now I’m not saying its easy. Oh no no no, not at all, young grasshopper. Sometimes, it takes me years of stutter-starts, excuses, or just plain old hiding out before I build up the gumption to fight through a fear. In truth, there are some fears I wonder if I’ll ever fully conquer. But part of my personal mission is to constantly evaluate what’s holding me back, and to find actionable ways to vanquish the beast. It keeps me from sinking into passive mediocrity. It keeps me growing and evolving.
Two years ago, Hunter, I and our bestie Nick began dreaming up a TV show, and started slowly writing, sketching it out and building out the world of the story. It was casual and organic, and since the show is kind of clearly about us, we got to poke a lot of fun at ourselves along the way. We had a great time. It came very easily.
Nick has worked in television for the past 5 years, under the tutelage of one of the sitcom world’s most profound directors on the sets of tons of great sitcom shows. He’s also just about the most likeable guy on the planet. So, when we started bandying about the idea of shooting the script ourselves, his coworkers and cast members generously and eagerly offered their assistance to help Nick make his (and our) dreams come true.
So, here we are today, a month away from shooting our first scene of our pilot episode, leading a team of Hollywood veterans whose resumes boast such titles as Cheers, Will & Grace, The Sopranos, Gary UnMarried and more. And we’re four days away from a giant fundraising party to help make it all possible. And we’re learning how to do it all as we go along.
So, as you can imagine, its a bit overwhelming, totally scary, and a whole lotta awesome.
Mostly, I’m just fighting through the fear. Focusing on the positive. Making myself do the things that are most uncomfortable and foreign because it strengthens me as an artist and businessperson, and I’m learning a LOT along the way.
It’s just like planning a wedding. It’s not something most brides have experience in doing before they’re thrown into the fire. There are elements that are scary and feel near-impossible (negotiating with vendors and in-laws, anyone?). You worry about money, and timing, and details and the big picture. You worry about the “mights” and “what if’s”, and at times you just want to throw in the towel and run off to elope, because your To Do list is multiplying in its sleep, and you can’t imagine a world in which you can possibly pull all this off and still have the strength to walk down the aisle when the big day finally comes….
…But somehow, it happens. Things fall into place. You force your way through the fear and trepidation, the moments of paralysis and bi-weekly weepy meltdowns. You lean on your team for help. You learn how to do things you never imagined yourself being good at, and surprise yourself when you realize that not only are you pretty good at it, but you actually kind of enjoy it. And at the end of the day (or planning period), you reap the benefits of plowing through your fears, and growing through your pains, by sharing in the creation of something spectacular with the people that you love the most.
This is what I mean when I talk about how wedding planning can be a launchpad for your life. Having been through the fire, and with the hindsight the past two years since, I am continually amazed by how much the process of our wedding planning has informed the kind of artist and businesswoman that I am, and shaped the way I approach my future. Not without fear, but through fear. And it makes me feel pretty bad-ass, I gotsta say.
So, yeah, I’ve been thinking a lot, over the past few weeks, how grateful I am for having planned our own wedding and for this blog as a space to explore what that means to me. I have shifted and grown more in the past three years than in most of my previous years, because of those things. I’ve learned to turn a “what if I fail” mindset into a “what if I succeed” mantra. And here I am today, making a television show with my friends and the trust of industry pros. I’m not gonna lie. That makes me feel pretty darn fancy and seriously proud.
Has planning your wedding helped you grow in ways you never imagined before? I’d love to know how!
We had an incredible year in 2010…. we’re so proud of all we accomplished! Pardon us for tooting our own horn, but its important for everyone to celebrate their accomplishments! Here are some highlights of our past year here at Broke-Ass HQ….
♥ We launched our exclusive Broke-Ass Cake Collection in partnership with celebrity cake designers Fantasy Frostings, and had a huge Cake Bash to kick it off. (In LA? Need a cake? Hit us up!) Look out for coverage of the Cake Bash in the Spring issue of The Bride & Bloom Magazine’s new SoCal edition!
♥ Our site and writing were featured in eight bridal magazines, including our feature as Brides Magazine’s first-ever Blog Star in their December issue.
♥ We launched the Broke-Ass Bargain Bash, bringing our favorite products to brides everywhere, at 40-90% off regular prices.
♥ We brought on seven amazing contributing writers to provide a diversity of voices and interests, from industry insiders to real brides and everything in between.
♥ We launched our weekly Broke-Ass Brigade Newsletter, landing great inspiration, deals, freebies and giveaways directly in our readers inboxes.
♥ We incorporated our business, developed a mission, and became full-time legitimate bloggers. We attended several inspiring and educational workshops and conferences, partied at some amazing industry events, and got up close and personal with many of our industry heroes.
♥ Our traffic keeps growing and growing, we reached over 10,500 twitter followers and over 3,000 facebook fans. Our readers are some of the most loyal and bad-ass brides (and beyond) out there. We are so, so grateful to each and every one of you who come by and share in our community day after day. Without you, we’d be nothing!
What a crazy whirlwind the past week and a half have been! First of all, I am disturbed to admit that I’ve lost my lifelong “snowballs” – you know, the cajones you earn after living through midwest winters for twenty-five or so years? Yup, I’ve been castrated by sunny Los Angeles, and thus have shivered me timbers through the trip thus far. But we did have a white Christmas, as lovely as could be.
Tomorrow, we take off for a road trip to Traverse City, Michigan… even further north and tundric… to visit Hunter’s brother and kiddos. Thank goodness there’ll be copious amounts of Traverse City’s finest cherry wine to keep me well lubricated and warmed from within. Ahhh, wine…. you make the holidays (and pms. and every day.) so much better.
Now that we’ve successfully survived Christmas, with all the jillion various members of my ginormous extended family, my mind turns to the impending yearly changeover, and with it comes that deep contemplation about the past year and ideas for improvements in the new one. Yep, I’m talking resolutions, people! I’ll share a few now, and save a few for later. I love making resolutions, and with my birthday and New Years falling so close together, its easy to feel like every January is a chance for new beginnings and fresh starts.
Of course, because I am (the gluttonous, hedonistic, lazy ass) who I am, it is only appropriate that I resurrect Flab to Fab in honor of 2011. This year was seriously weak in the fitness sector of my world, and my newlywed weight waxed and waned like phases of the moon. But mostly waxed. And waxed on. I hit my low point (or should I say high point) around Thanksgiving, feeling much like Humpty Dumpty. But thanks to a surge in personal anxiety since then I’ve managed to get a head start by completely losing my appetite and shedding the first ten pounds with little effort. Yes, I know that’s not healthy, and no I don’t recommend it. The hard part will be keeping it off, toning up what’s left, and maybe… just MAYBE, developing a healthy habit so I can kick this yo-yo business to the curb for once and for all. ‘Cuz, I mean, come on already, Dana. Right? Thankfully, I got a fun new gadget to review for Broke-Ass Test Labs, the BodyMedia FIT device, to help me along the way. And you guys right? I know I’m not alone in this resolution – who’s with me?
Another resolution? Finish my m-fing wedding recaps already! We left off at the very beginning of the reception forever ago, and 2011 is the year of the party, yo! We finally got our wedding video, so the details are refreshed in my memory… and there’s lots of fun ahead. So, grab a mojito and follow along, wontcha? Here’s a sexy sneaky peeky:
And we have big plans for Broke-Ass Media in 2011. BIG UNS. We’re finally ready to expand into a sister site which will allow Hunter and me to get back to our roots a bit and share what daily life is like as Broke-Ass Newlyweds. (yes, I’m using the term newlyweds loosely.) Don’t worry, Broke-Ass Bride ain’t going nowhere. We’ll still keep pumping out the bad-ass wedding inspiration you’ve come to know and love. But it will be so much fun to bring you along into the next phase of our lives too, so after your big day you can keep living the Broke-Ass way! And that’s just the beginning of the fun tricks we have up our sleeves. Its going to be a RAD year! 2011, prepare to be my b*tch!
What are your resolutions for 2011, if any? Any words of wisdom as I embark on mine?
If you’re a current or aspiring entrepreneur and are not yet reading Danielle LaPorte’s site, White Hot Truth, you are truly missing out. ‘Cuz she will change your life, if you let her. And “letting her” really means letting yourself change your life. She’s just the messenger, but oh… what a messenger she is. I wish I could curl up in her pocket and live there. Its like she’s speaking to my soul.
You may remember that I credit a lot of my great successes to the power of ASKING FOR IT. From bartering 1/2 the cost of my couture wedding gown away, to befriending some of my heroes… the act of asking has opened doors, and opened my mind. The below blog post from White Hot Truth on the very same subject is so damn inspiring I just had to share it. And once you’re done with that, go over and read more (and more, and more) at White Hot Truth. You’re welcome. xo – Dana
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qualified requests: how to ask for stuff
Just ask. Ask and It Is Given. Ask and you shall receive. Good things come to those who…ask.
Agreed. Emphatically. Ask and keep asking. Ask the universe, your boss, your crush, bank manager, bus driver, car salesman…ask for what you want and keep on asking. But if you want to increase your odds of receptivity, you’ve got to go about it with some style, darling. The formula for stylin’ askin’ gets down to this: sincerity + brevity = intelligence.
My Malcolm Gladwell Ask
For my first book I wanted the best literary agent in the business. So I started at the top, naturally. I honed in on the books and authors I admired most and read their acknowledgments sections, looking for the writers who genuinely and emphatically thanked their agents. In The Tipping Point, Gladwell swooned over his agent – claimed she should run for the US Presidency. “Well, she’ll do!” I thought. Where to start asking? With Malcolm. How to get his email? Off his website. [Yep - it can be that easy, and it often is.]
The Ask went a little somethin’ like this:
Dear Malcolm,
You’re Canadian. My business partner and I are Canadian. You’ve been called “obsessively competitive.” My partner was a former nationally-ranked athlete and she still hates to lose. You’re half black. And, well, I’m a white girl with dreadlocks. I’m hoping you’ll be charmed enough to help open a door for us…
[When you're being authentic, you have nothing to lose. Giving it "your all" is often about leaving pretenses behind. Win or lose, you'll feel all dignified and jazzed because you fully showed up.]
We want to get to [Madame Agent.] You think she could run the world, and I think she could make my dreams come true. Here’s our concept:
[What followed was ONLY three sentences - two sentences describing the book idea, and one sentence describing the market.]
I think [Madame Agent] is my Neo. The One. And if you could tell me what vintage of wine she drinks, her favourite bon bons, or how to get her pay attention to my book proposal, well, I’d be immensely grateful. If there is a direct entre to [Madame Agent] or if you have a suggestion on how to appeal to her, please let me know. We need more Canadians on the bestseller list. Very appreciatively….
[inserted website and contact deets]
The result: Malcolm, good Canadian that he is, responded in a day or two to the effect of “Well, how can I say no?” [The universe can't resist authenticity, it's a law. Thankfully, Mr. Gladwell couldn't resist it either.] He forwarded the email to Madame Agent. She reached out to me, and not long after, we landed a phat book deal.
the 5 essentials of making qualified requests
1. Identify affinity: You better know as much as you can about who you’re talking to. Be clear about why you’re interested in them in particular, and mention that at the get-go. I once called a local creative exec – found his wife’s number in the ol’ phone book and gave it a shot. He answered the phone. “I just read an interview where you talked about creating a “culture of yes” to support one’s creative process and it got me thinking…” We talked for 15 minutes, I asked when we could meet for tea to tell him more about what I was up to. A week later, he invested in my company.
2. Brevity is a form of respect, especially when you’re asking a busy person for help. If you send more than three paragraphs (one is IDEAL,) and attachments, and you delve into your history or ten years into the future, I guarantee you’ll get flagged as annoying, delusional and/or not too bright. And really, if you can’t boil down what you’re up to in one concise paragraph, you don’t have a good grip on it.
3. Specificity is a call to action. What EXACTLY are you looking for? Your request could be a simple as “I’d love to get your perspective, just to have the opportunity to hear what you think of my strategy would be a great value. A half-hour of your time over coffee or in your office – you name it and I’ll be there.” “I want to know everything about social media that you can tell me in fifteen minutes of your spare time…I’m looking to raise capital and would like to pitch you.” (Though remember what the ol’ rich guys love to say, “If you ask for money, you’ll probably just get advice. If you ask for advice, you’re more likely to get money.” I can back that up.)
Never, evah ask for “free” advice when you haven’t invested in someone’s material (either with your time actually studying their free stuff, or actually buying their material.) If you’re asking for help in the form of a written response, you need to be even more succinct and gracious. If I get general requests like, “Do you have any advice for how to start up my business?” Well…you’re kidding me, right? Guess you missed the 900+ free articles on this site, and the fact that I make my living giving strategic advice. But sure, here’s some advice: get a job where someone tells you exactly what to do, ‘cuz you’re going to need it.
Try this: “Could you look at my website and just tell me the first three words that come to mind in terms of my brand?” Bam bam, smarty pants.
4. NO BULLSHIT HYPE. Embellishing things is a no-no way to start any relationship. Smart folk usually have excellent memories and if they sniff out a white lie or exaggeration about how successful you say you are in the beginning, it could all go south really quickly. Stick to the facts. Facts are a solid foundation.
However…
5. HEART HYPE is essential. Don’t spend a lot of airtime talking about how you think your idea is going to make a zill or get you on Oprah Ellen, Larry King Piers Morgan, but do hit a big love note: you’re passionate, you feel called, you’re giving it all you got, you’re in it to win it. Passion persuades.
You may be surprised at how many successful people sincerely want to help you – when you can prove your smarts and passion by asking smartly and passionately.
I recently raised my price for 1-on-1 Fire Starter Sessions to $1000, from $500. (The demand exceeded the supply and it’s clear that clients can earn back the $1000 investment with a few strategic gems…) I got a few people who were like, “Dang woman! Why didn’t you tell me you were going to raise your price?” I don’t really have a warm-fuzzy response for that.
And a few others took a more proactive and optimistic approach. They open heartedly asked if I could honour the old fee, briefly explained what they were doing in the world, and how a session could help them knock it outta the park. My answer: “Well, how could I say no?”
I am dead as I type this. I died of excitement and joyful disbelief on November 8th, the day I got the December issue of Brides Magazine, at my local market. Croaked right there and then, in the parking lot. I remember rising above my body, a vaporous mist of a spirit, and looking down upon the horrified shoppers gathering around my cadaverous corpse…. wishing I could somehow let them know to turn to page 158 of the magazine clutched in my cold, dead hand, so they could see what did me in. I wished and wished and wished and wished to wake up! And then, by the sheer force of my zombie-like will to live, I rose up from the slab and heaved my body, still stiff with rigor mortis, to a standing position… and walked my undead self and my magazine, all the way home while everyone looked on, in awe.
Ok, so that’s not true. But that, my friends, is JUST HOW FREAKING BLOWN MY MIND IS that Brides Magazine asked us to write their first ever Blog Star column, and share some of our sneakiest budget tips in the December issue. What the? Who the? How the? ….Oh hell to the yes!
We are humbled and honored, and would like to extend our deepest thanks to editor Millie Martini Bratton and her incredible staff. Having our blog and my writing featured in Brides is a real dream come true moment for me, and I’m still pinching myself over it!If you pick up the issue, turn to page 158 and check’a me out in living color! Do y’all like those tips?
We’re feeling pretty darn loved these days, thanks to our supportive family and friends… and last week things just got sweeter!
Southern Weddings Magazine (always a feast for the eyes and run by my Making Things Happen boo, Lara Casey) featured us not once, but TWICE in the newest issue.
The issue just hit stands, and among the various delicious spreads and articles…. you can find the Fresh Hubby himself, showing off his fun wedding style with a cute Q&A and some fresh-ass fashion picks in the Groom’s Fab Finds section on page 147.
Ain’t he the cutest? Also, look for us: featured as a Top Blog for the budget beautiful bride!
We’re still swooning over the sweet and encouraging things they said about us…
It may truly be one of the best compliments we’ve received. Thank you Lara and ladies!
We also found out that we were named one of the the 25 Best Wedding Blogs from the Weddzilla Wedding Guru Awards!
So, we’re sending a big thanks to whoever nominated us, and to all who voted! We were so surprised by this one!
