Posts in the 'Mellzah' Category

BAB Throwback: Real Bride Mellzah – The Kids Aren’t All Right

While we’re on the topic of tricky guest-listing, it seems like a great time to revisit that all-too-stressy issue of kids vs. no kids at your wedding. Guys, it’s cool. Whatever decision you make is TOTALLY up to you. Some people are all about the kidlets, providing coloring books and play areas. Others are all “NOPE.” Both are great decisions, as long as it’s something you’re comfortable with. Mellzah and her hubz were in the kid-free camp, and she wrote this during her tenure as woman of awesome here.

Go away, little girls…and boys.

With our Save the Dates at the printer, we are fast approaching the date at which we need to have our guest list finalized, and it’s turning out to be the most stressful and contentious issue thus far. Mr. Dildarian comes from an enormous family, and they treat weddings like an opportunity for a family reunion–with his family alone, our guest list stands at 43 people. Add my entire family, and that list swells to 50 people–we’re a small group that becomes even smaller when you take into consideration feuds and cut ties and elder relatives too infirm to travel. However, I’m a bit of a social butterfly and I could easily invite 100 friends and still end up with people with hurt feelings. So where is our issue? The inclusion of children. Namely, I don’t want any present, and while Mr. Dildarian is fine with that, his family absolutely would not be.

There are a number of children on Mr. Dildarian’s side, spanning the age range from newborns to teenagers. One of them we’ve taken to calling The Grifter, whose favorite trick at Christmas was to go from adult to adult asking for money to “show [them] a trick” and when they complied, it was revealed that the trick was “It’s mine now!”. While he certainly made money at a rate at which I could only dream, it’s not exactly a charming experience I’d care to have repeated at my wedding.

Precious.

Literally no solution I’ve suggested has been deemed acceptable. I first said we should just be adults and tell them that we’ve decided to have the wedding and reception be adult-only; we’re not having any flower girls or ring bearers or junior bridesmaids, so it’s not a case of inviting some children and not others. This was countered with “My whole family will be uncomfortable if not everyone is invited.” I then suggested we should lie and tell them our venue doesn’t allow children. “They’ll call the venue to check.” WHAT?! Fine. I’ll hire a babysitter to watch the kids at a nearby hotel room (As all relatives have to fly here for the wedding, leaving their children at home and hiring their own babysitter is out of the question). “My aunt won’t want to be separated from her children.” Is there no possible scenario where I get to have my way? I don’t allow adults to bully their way into a party invitation–why do I have to allow people to steamroll me with their children? And if I can’t tell his family no children, how can I tell everyone else with a child that said child is not invited? It’s ballooning out of control.

Our venue has a hard guest limit of 120 people, and it galls me every single time I have to cross off someone who has played a major role in my life to include someone’s baby. It will gall me even more if said baby starts screaming in the middle of our ceremony. I have a crystal clear mental picture of me whipping toward the audience in an uncontrollable scream-induced rage, which is hardly the image of radiant and serene beauty I was hoping to project. Just thinking about it now is deepening my frown line.

I’m trying to see the issue from both sides–I’m sure people with kids can’t fathom why someone would want to choose to exclude them from an event that is, at its core, about family; after all, kids can add exuberance and life to a party. On the other hand, I can’t see what’s wrong with wanting to have an adults-only gathering for one night–the kids won’t be excluded from anything else when the whole family circus comes to town, and the adults can have a good time and relax instead of worrying about whether tiny fingers are going into the cake or frantically sticking their hands over their kids’ ears when a toast goes off-color.

Another lovely capture for our wedding album.

Is there a happy medium? A place where I don’t have to worry about kids at the wedding without the lifelong consequence of being “That Awful Medusa Woman Who Stole Our Son Away By Poisoning Him Against Us” or “That Rotten Kid Hating Whore”? Or do I have to suck it up, find a way to come to terms with this, and just be thankful that they live across the country so I never have to buy a Thanksgiving table that seats 60?

Broke-Ass Brides Against Breast Cancer

The Broke-Ass Bride is proud to partner with Brides Against Breast Cancer, turning gently used designer gowns into a beacon of hope in the worldwide fight against breast cancer. If you’d like to donate your gown, here’s how. If you’re in need of a gown, Brides Against Breast Cancer runs a nationwide tour of gowns, and you should most definitely check it out when it rolls into your town!

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