11/16

It’s his wedding, too. Let him know EXACTLY what that means.

Dear Liz,

My fiance and I have been engaged for about four months. We set a small budget right away and agreed that this is the most important criteria. But we’ve changed our idea for the “big day” too many times already, and now he wants to change it again.

The first wedding idea we had was twenty people at our favorite restaurant having good food and wine and laughs and hugs with our families. $2500 could buy one heck of a good time for our loved ones. Well, NO ONE liked that idea, especially his mother. She and I don’t have the best relationship, and so in an effort to gain her approval, we agreed that a bigger-small wedding would be best – 100 people.

So we booked a park lodge and decided on a date. My mom is making the cake, one aunt is making the dress, another is our photographer, items are purchased, deposits are paid.  Last weekend my groom-to-be announced (in a temper tantrum) that he doesn’t want to do the big wedding anymore, and that we should go back to the restaurant idea. I don’t want his mom to be angry, and I don’t want to throw out the planning that’s already been done, but I don’t feel THAT committed to either idea – one is a lot of money, the other is a lot of work. But both weddings would be fun and nice in their own way. I don’t want to be a bridezilla about it, but I feel a little like a doormat in the whole thing. One idea is his mom’s and one idea is his. And either way I am the one who has to execute the “perfect” day. How can I make myself feel better about this happy but not-so-dreamy situation?

Signed,

Switched and Screwed

Dear Switched,

Yup, you are in a tough spot, and there is obviously a lot more emotion than there is logic in your fiance’s new (old?) stance. So, throw in some logic. Figure out exactly what it would take and exactly how much you would lose, money-wise, if you went back to the restaurant idea. The deposit, which someone had to pay for, would be gone. Find out if the restaurant is even available on that day too. Have Save the Dates gone out to the 100 people on the guest list? That means that you’ve got to let some of them know that they’re not coming. Are any of the items you’ve purchased location specific? Get all this information and present it to him. Tell him if he wants to switch, then you’re behind him, but this is what it’s going to entail. And then be quiet and see what he says.

The thing of it is, he’s your husband, and this is going to be his wedding, too. If he’s truly not comfortable with it, for whatever reason, and you don’t care either way, then there’s your answer. People ask you why, you say that this is what he wants, and you’re okay with it.

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about your relationship with your FMIL right now. You’re supporting your husband, who is her son. That’s your bottom line. Oh, and once the final decision is made, don’t be afraid to ask him to help you execute it.

Dear Liz,

I work in a small private medical office of about 25 young-middle aged women. Because of the nature of our work, we aren’t in separate cubes working alone, we are all constantly working together and chit-chatting all day long. There are about five women I feel I absolutely want at my wedding, but because of our work environment, it’s more of an “invite none-or all” situation. The wedding is three hours away from work/home so most people will likely decline, and even if they didn’t, I would be happy if more people could make it. The problem is two young women I used to be extremely close to, who I’ve had a falling out with. They are constantly planning and scheming against me and being sneaky. I know for sure, if I invited them out of courtesy to include the whole office, they absolutely would show up. I do not want to spend my day with such negative, mean people. However, I still can’t lower myself to their level and leave them out and invite everyone else. How do I enjoy my day with those that are important to me, without letting Dumb and Dumber ruin the fun, AND avoid stepping on toes?!

They’re back there somewhere. Keep your focus elsewhere. (Photo by Sara Kate)

I’m stumped!

Signed,

Ticked at Office Politics

 

Dear Ticked,

My first instinct is to not invite them, but I understand that since you’re going to be working there before and after your wedding, then that’s probably not plausible, unless you’re willing to take the heat. Odds are, everyone in your office knows the situation, including those two, so no one should be surprised.

However, if you’re not willing to take whatever gets dished out, then you need to continue being the better person. Invite them, accept their RSVPs, and be gracious to them at your wedding. The key to enjoying your wedding while the two of them are present is to focus on everything else at your wedding that rocks. There are people you love that are going be there. There is the food you picked, the fun you want to have, the music you want played, and you’re going to wearing a beautiful dress and married to the love of your life. They are only two people who you don’t have to hang out with, who you can interact with as briefly as you want, and you’ve got the rest of the day to enjoy. Go for it.

So, have you had to switch your wedding plans? How did you pull it off? Is office politics gumming up your guest list? Commiserate in the comments below!

See you at the end of the aisle,


liz
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