{Real Bride: Katie} Pre-Valentine’s Day Engagement Tips!
Well, it’s almost Valentine’s Day, which means that Mr. Officer and I have been engaged for almost a year already. Yikes, where did the time go?! Aargggh, that means our wedding is right around the corner….there’s so much to do!
Okay, now that I’ve gotten that little panic attack out of my system, I’m ready to talk about getting engaged. I know there are some readers out there that are anxiously awaiting their chance to freak out about invitation ink colors and veil lengths, so this one is dedicated to you!
Valentine’s Day just isn’t complete without conversation hearts
Photo via Necco 
1. The ring you hate is just as important as the ring you love: before we got engaged, Mr. Officer and I were in New Hampshire visiting family when he suggested that we should stop by the jewelry store to look at rings. It was at this point that I launched into a very long and boring speech about getting someone’s hopes up. After I calmed down a little, I decided that maybe I should give him some ideas of what I actually like in a ring. So, I emailed him some pictures of rings that I really liked along with a few I hated. I’m glad that I did, because apparently he was really surprised by taste in rings (i.e. he thought I would like a solitaire that was on my dislike list).
2. Don’t underestimate the power of involving the parents: okay, I know this is super old fashioned, but I’m telling you, it really is worth the extra effort. About a month before we got engaged, Mr. Officer and I were in Philadelphia visiting my parents when Mr. Officer asked if I could show him where to find the bathrom (a valid request since it was in a weird location). Little did I know that while I was in the bathroom, Mr. Officer had sprinted back down the stairs to ask my parents for my hand in marriage. In this modern age I think we can all agree it’s simply symbolic (I mean come on, I’ve been living on my own for 10 years), but my parents really liked being involved in the process. I was touched that Mr. Officer kept this chivalrous tradition alive, and my mom has told me a couple of times that my dad really appreciated the gesture.
3. A simple, heartfelt proposal can be better than a super elaborate, public one: somehow it’s become a cultural norm that the proposer feels it’s necessary to come up with some crazy, elaborate and expensive way to ask the proposee to marry him/her. That’s a lot of pressure for the poor proposer, but I also think a giant billboard just would have made me feel awkward. Quick family anecdote – when my grandparents were dating, my grandfather accidentally proposed to my great-grandmother……on the phone. It was WWII and my grandmother wasn’t home when he called from bootcamp, so my grandfather told her mother ”If Pauline wants to get married, I have leave coming up soon, sooo…….” My grandmother obviously agreed, and they’ve been married for over 70 years and counting. Similarly my mom recently told me that my dad produced a ring while muttering something super romantic like “So, do you want this?” and now they’ve been married for over 40 years. Apparently it runs in my family (sigh), but I’m really glad that Mr. Officer opted to scrap his original plan, which involved a special presentation at a fancy restaurant (especially since the restaurant told him that we wouldn’t be the only newly engaged people there, prompting many jokes about a mass engagement room).
Is it necessary? I’m not convinced….
Photo via Evilflu
4. Keep it to yourself for a while: Mr. Officer told me after the fact that he had asked my parents, so I knew my parents already knew, but I still decided to wait a little bit. I really wanted to just appreciate the moment with my new fiance, and I wasn’t thrilled about spending my first night as an engaged person glued to the phone. I’m so glad that we waited, because it allowed us to really focus on the excitement of the night and each other. Plus, sharing good news with loved ones is always a great feeling, and it kind of gave me something to look forward to the next day.
5. Enjoy the attention: when you are ready to start telling people, get used to enjoying the attention. Feel free to flash the ring around and tell random strangers that you just got engaged. People love to get in on the action and live vicariously through your good news. Plus, you might be surprised by the number of people that want to give you free stuff. We didn’t tell the bed & breakfast where we were staying that we got engaged and the innkeeper told us after the fact that she would have comped us some champagne and treats if she knew. Rats, we missed out on free bubbly and snacks……don’t be like us!
I just love boyfriends who plan to propose who ask the parents first. I just see it as a sign of respect for them and that makes them valued greatly.
My finace asked my dad. My dad found it archaic, but appreciated the sentiment and courage behind it (as my fiance is still terrified of my dad). He proposed to me on a day-cation we took to a nearby resort town. I think for me, the ring was the most special thing. I actually picked it out, but it was vintage and not new. But that wasn't important to us at all. FMIL kept insisting that I needed a brand new, hand-crafted, >1 ct. stunner, but I insisted that I didn't want that for multiple reasons, chief of which being that FI couldn't afford it, and that's okay. I think that's another problem with proposals now a days, I've heard stories of girls not accepting until he went back and got a bigger rock. >_< NOT THE POINT! My ring is beautiful, genuine gold and diamond, and most importantly, didn't put my fiance in the poorhouse. It fits us. That's what was most important to me.
I wouldn't marry a man who asked my parents for permission. I see it as completely disrespectful of me as an independent adult rather than a chattel.
Good luck to all the ladies that got engaged today! You have a big project ahead of you, but planning the wedding is an awesome time in your life.
Agreed on all of them, but #4 is my favorite! The architizer and I had 5 days in Paris and only our parents knew.