Ask Liz: How Do You Put That, Exactly?
Happy New Year! Ahh, so good to be back…
It's inevitable. Prep for it.
Dear Liz:
Hello there! My husband and I got married by a Justice of the Peace in November. I’m planning on having a reception sometime this year, but we haven’t really decided when, but we want just a picnic in the park type affair. What I don’t know is, should we register for gifts or even expect to receive anything? I don’t want to make it seem like I’m a gift-grubber or anything like that. What’s the best way to handle this?
Signed,
Gift Gobbed
Dear Gobbed,
You should definitely expect to receive something,because that’s pretty much the way people are, which is sweet. And although some of them might just show up with a check, it’s a good idea to give your guests a little guidance. My suggestion is to register at one of the standards like Macy’s, Pottery Barn or Bed Bath and Beyond, so when someone asks, you or your family can direct them there. But if you’re uncomfortable with “asking,” yourself, you don’t have to go any further than that. Nothing on the invites, nothing “publicized”, per se. It’s a good way to manage both your guest’s expectations and your own. Have fun with the price gun. 
Oy. Who knew that saying "Yes" would lead to so many "No's"?
Dear Liz,
We got engaged over the Thanksgiving weekend, and we’ve already looked at three different wedding venues. We decided on which one we wanted – should we contact the other ones to let them know we’re not going with them. We said we would get back to them, but I really don’t know what to say? Honestly, I’m thinking about letting it go, but my fiance reminded me that we’re probably going to have to do this a lot more before we’re done. What do you think we should do? Is there a protocol for this?
Signed,
Rejection Connection
Dear Connection,
First of all, way to knock that off the list through the holidays. Rock STAR!
I get it. You don’t want to be the bearers of bad news – no one wants to be that guy. Plus, there’s a fear of a bad reaction. What if they get angry, what if they ask why and try and get you to reconsider? You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but you don’t want to deal with any of that stuff when you’re already made up your mind.
But, coming from the other side of that decision, I have to tell you, it’s nice to hear back, even if the answer is “No.” And, I probably sound like your mother here, but it’s also polite. Not to mention good karma. Don’t leave them hanging, don’t wait to get the needy-chick “why didn’t you call me” email/phone call (we’re all obligated to make it, and getting it is only going to make you feel worse). In the business, we are, all of us, used to being turned down from time to time. We can take it, and it’s the right thing to do. And email was custom-made for remote rejection. Make it short and sweet: “Thank you so much for taking the time to meet with us. We really enjoyed our visit, but after discussing it, we have decided to go with another venue/vendor.” You don’t need to go into detail as to why or why or why not. And if you do get the “WHY DID YOU REJECT MEEE ??!!!” response back? Then you know you made the right choice.
So are any of you in Gobbed or Connection’s shoes? What are you doing, or what would you add to my advice? Share in the comments below.
And, ooh – if you’re in Los Angeles, I’m going to be speaking at the Bridal Showplace on The Queen Mary on Sunday, 1/8. I’ll be on stage at noon and 2pm, so please come by my table in between and say hello. I’d love to meet you!
See you at the end of the aisle,
Ughh…. I sympathize with Question #2. I hate being the bearer of bad news. But I decided early on in the process to be upfront and honest with everyone.
However, I did accidentally let the ball drop once – I made an appointment to meet a makeup artist at a coffee shop, had to cancel because of going out of town for work, and let her know I'd contact her in the future when I had the time and to double check if she was even still available. I totally blanked, and a month later, got a really nasty email from her saying "At this point, I'm assuming you've chosen another artist."
Welllllllll wow! I was really surprised at her response. I apologized for letting the ball drop, but secretly was super glad I didn't end up using her!!!!!!!!
Yeah, these things tend to reveal themselves, but it's always better to err on the side of angels. Who needs the psychic stress?
Another perk of letting them know you're off the list: no more extra emails in your junk box. They should get the memo
Being a vendor I LOVE to know when I'm off the hook. That let's me focus my energy on couples that want my services. Give a nice email or call. That's good business!