Ask Liz: About Second Weddings
December 9th, 2011 by liz
Dear Liz,
My fiance and I are both getting married for the second time. I love the idea of wearing a beautiful dress and sharing this day with my closest friends and family, but I’m not sure the etiquette for a second wedding. I am content with court-house nuptials and a low-key party afterward. I have spread the word that I don’t expect or want bridal showers, bachelorette parties, etc. Honestly, I’m not that interested in spending tons of money or having the headache of a big celebration. Do you have any ideas or advice for a small, casual celebration for the second (and last) time around?
Signed,
Better The Second Time Around
Your idyllic second marriage can start with an idyllc second wedding. Totally up to you. (Courtesy of B&G Photography)
Dear Better,
There are a few benefits to second marriages, and I think one of the greatest is the stress factor – as in, there isn’t as much where the wedding is concerned. At least that’s what I’ve found with the second-timers I’ve worked with, and the ones I know personally, actually. You already get what a lot of first-time brides are still trying to focus on, that’s it all about you and the guy you love, pledging the rest of your lives together, with a nice party with your nearest and dearest afterward. Just that simple. My sister-in law, Tristan Coopersmith, wrote a great article last week on this subject, pointing out that even though it is a second marriage, you’re still going to share a lot of “firsts” with each other, too. Like for instance, the first time the two of you are having your wedding!
At any rate, the rules to second weddings remain the same as with the first. That being, there is only one rule: HAVE THE WEDDING YOU WANT. You want small and casual, figure out what that looks like to you, and go for it. Courthouse ceremony followed by dinner? Excellent. If there is stuff that you absolutely want to do, do it. If there isn’t, don’t. Let everyone know, and then stick to your guns.
You said that you don’t expect it, but don’t be surprised if your friends and family do want to throw you a bridal shower or bachelorette party, though. And you should think about participating, since they’re only doing it to show how much they care about you and support you, and that’s never bad. Don’t be afraid to enforce limits. If you feel Vegas is too extravagant, spend a night out on your town. Enforce a no-stripper mandate. Whatever it is that you feel comfortable with! That’s another thing that second wedding should definitely be about: Comfort.
So, what do you guys think? Are any of you wedding for the second time, and what did you definitely want or NOT want this time around? Any tips for Better? Let me know in the comments!
See you at the end of the aisle,
I think you put it beautifully, "And you should think about participating, since they’re only doing it to show how much they care about you and support you, and that’s never bad." As a second time bride, myself, I would encourage "Second" to NOT deny herself anything she wants for this wedding because she feels that she "shouldn't-" she doesn't want to regret anything years down the road. Also, don't think of it as a "second" wedding. New fiance=new start=new celebration.
Yes, exactly! It's all about the love, and celebrating that the way that YOU want to.
I dont think there is ever a wrong or right way to have your wedding. It is a celebration of your love and commitment to one another and you should do it however you and your fiance want to! Im having my 2nd wedding soon too, but my 1st we eloped and my fiance is sweet enough to let me have the big wedding I never had. He knows its important to me. I used to be so sad that my 1st marriage ended, but now I realize it was actually a begining to finding the man I was supposed to marry all along.