Ask Liz: About Bridesmaid Backlash
I am JUST saying. (Courtesy of PopSugar.com)
Dear Liz:
When my fiance & I got engaged, we were so excited! So excited that I asked four girls to be my bridesmaids. I now think it would be best if I only had my ONE maid of honor and that’s it, plus it’s gotten too complicated managing all them. But how exactly do you un-bridesmaid someone without making them upset?
Signed,
Three to Go
Dear Three,
This is a tough one, but, it’s doable. You have a couple of things in your favor. First thing, believe it or not, is that Kate and William did it, so you have a big public precedent! The second thing is that you’re not just cutting one or two bridesmaids, you’re cutting all of them, so no one is being left out. It would make it even easier if your fiance agrees to cut his crew down to a best man, too, which will further justify only having one attendant on your side. Explain to them that YOU AND YOUR FIANCE agreed to simplify things, so (start with this) he is only having a Best Man, which means you’re just going to have a Maid of Honor. It has the added benefit of being true, too – you are trying to simplify your wedding. And try to avoid using the word “You”, as in “You’re really busy”, “You don’t have time,” or, most especially, “You and I aren’t that close anymore.” Take the fall. You can also assign them different tasks during your wedding, like helping with the guest book or the place cards, or, even better, ask them to make toasts. I’ve been seeing that a lot lately, friends who aren’t in the wedding party getting to say a little something. I can’t guarantee that their feelings won’t be hurt, but it should take away the sting a little.
Dear Liz:
Three Steps To A Beautiful and Prompt YOU.
I’ve been a bridesmaid three times, and with my own wedding coming up next month, I wanted to take extra special care of mine. I’m paying for their dresses, and for all of them to get their hair and make-up done. But, the last time I was a bridesmaid, the hair and make-up totally ran over and we ended up leaving the hotel almost an hour late. I do NOT want that to happen. How do I avoid it?
Signed,
Getting Down the Aisle On Time
Dear Aisle,
Totally easy. Well, sort of. This is what I do with my brides: Step one is to talk to your hair and make-up people and figure out how long it’s going to get everyone done. Step two is to figure out when you need to leave to get to your ceremony on time. Step three is schedule hair and make-up to end an hour before you have to leave. You heard me. That gives you plenty of time for everyone to finish getting dressed, get their things, get in the car, or, seriously, just chill for a minute. Getting to chill is way better than having to run around like a crazy person shortly before you walk down the aisle. The make-up will last, the hair will last, and if you don’t believe me, ask the person doing it.
Why is this sort of easy? Well, depending on how many women are getting “done”, you might have to start the day really early. Sorry about that.
So, have any of you had to un-bridesmaid someone? How did you handle it? What’s the worst running late-after-makeup story you know about? Let us know below!
See you at the end of the aisle,
only one hour? shoot, I would give two. you just never know.
So far, an hour works, it's enough time to get all your crap together in waves ("you're done, get your stuff, now YOU'RE done, get your stuff") and get downstairs to the limo. I would love it if they could get done way earlier than that, but I'm loathe to tell my chicks that they have to start their day at 5am! Plus, too much time and you get used to chilling and still end up running around like a crazy person 5 minutes out.
So far, an hour works, it's enough time to get all your crap together in waves ("you're done, get your stuff, now YOU'RE done, get your stuff") and get downstairs to the limo. I would love it if they could get done way earlier than that, but I'm loathe to tell my chicks that they have to start their day at 5am! Plus, too much time and you get used to chilling and still end up running around like a crazy person 5 minutes out.
I had to un-bridesmaid for my wedding. It was really because of the choices she was making in her personal life (I know this sounds judgemental, but hear me out). She had just started dating a guy who come to find out had been holding people up at ATMs, robbing them, forcing them to return to their homes and then robbing him at their home as well. A real catch. I did NOT want this guy at my wedding, or involved in any of my functions. The only way I could think to get her & her sleazy boyfriend out of my event was tell her I had changed my mind about what they're wearing and that I'd get back to her right away with the new style info. Which I never did, obviously.
I had to un-bridesmaid for my wedding. It was really because of the choices she was making in her personal life (I know this sounds judgemental, but hear me out). She had just started dating a guy who come to find out had been holding people up at ATMs, robbing them, forcing them to return to their homes and then robbing him at their home as well. A real catch. I did NOT want this guy at my wedding, or involved in any of my functions. The only way I could think to get her & her sleazy boyfriend out of my event was tell her I had changed my mind about what they're wearing and that I'd get back to her right away with the new style info. Which I never did, obviously.
I would allocate more than an hour too… you just never know!
I'm so stressed about bridesmaids, I would love to pamper them, but I don't think it'll be possible with our budget. Luckily I have some great girls, so it won't be a problem. My biggest issue is finding a bridesmaid dress everyone likes… it takes so much longer than my dress took!
I am certain I cannot afford to pay for my bridesmaid's hair and makeup…I'm seriously considering DIYing my own. I hope my bridesmaids dont think I'm cheap!
I don't think they will, people know it's expensive! I'd DIY mine as well, except that I'm TERRIBLE at hair and have a 50% chance of hating it any given day, so I will probably get that done professionally. Not everyone likes "pampering" that way anyway.
As someone who has been un-bridesmaid-ed, I encourage you to just be open and honest. I was excited to be asked to stand up at my friend's wedding. Only when she posted on Facebook that "the last bridesmaid dress has been ordered!" did I figure out that I'd been demoted. I completely understand that we're not as close anymore and that other girls now fill that role. I just wish she'd had the courtesy to tell me.
As someone who has been un-bridesmaid-ed, I encourage you to just be open and honest. I was excited to be asked to stand up at my friend's wedding. Only when she posted on Facebook that "the last bridesmaid dress has been ordered!" did I figure out that I'd been demoted. I completely understand that we're not as close anymore and that other girls now fill that role. I just wish she'd had the courtesy to tell me.