cheap wedding inspiration

{Q&A} Spaces n’ Snacks

If there’s one detractor to being On The Internet, it’s that we’re a little unable to get together in a giant coffee shop and chat to one another in real-time. Over coffee. And cake.

To some degree, that’s what Twitter is for, I suppose. (Although, between you, me and the wall, the web developer at work told me earlier this week he hates Twitter because it’s like shouting into the void. I almost asked him 1. “… Your friends don’t answer you?” and then, 2. “You’ve never yelled Echo! just to hear the universe echo back?”)

My point is that Twitter is great for call-and-response style Q&A sessions, at least in my experience with it. But. That doesn’t translate very well to questions that have been posed in Comments. And since ignoring people is just plain rude, I’ll do Q&As going forward at the beginning of posts. So, if y’all have questions– hit me with them. I will do my best to make available to you all the knowledge I possess that could be useful (and, let’s be honest, some that isn’t).

All advice given is 100% Quality Assured by Moose.

(…it should be noted that Moose spends most of his days cruising for things to destroy and licking himself, though. Take it for what it’s worth.)

Question #1 today was How do I find an LA venue that won’t make me go broke? Let me tell you something… If I had my way, we’d have gotten married in someone’s backyard. I didn’t even need to know the person– any yard would have done. The cost of venues is just… I think about it, and my brain doubles over and crams its fingers into its ears and winces its eyes shut and starts hollerin’ “NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!” Which is why I make the following recommendation: Find a friend with a big heart and a kick-ass house. Ask friends if they know any loft/art/warehouse spaces that could be gussied up nice. Ask your boss, your coworkers, your dog groomer, your barista and the girl who sets you up with your Girl Scout Cookie fix. Ask EVERYONE if they know a unique, non-commercial place that could be cool for your wedding. Keep these things in mind: 1. If you have a specific look and feel, you either need to communicate it up front or kiss it goodbye (and recall, beggers are not often afforded the luxury of being choosers) and 2. Whoever lets you use their space should be politely extended an invitation to the reception (that they will likely not accept unless they know you intimately), and should be graciously told that their generous hospitality is gift enough.

Or– and this is what we did– keep your standards and your Picky-Patty levels where they are and shop around until you find a spot that is just so worth the money. Because it’s going to cost if you end up paying for a venue, no matter where you get married. Get the most bang for your buck and really find a place that screams First night of Happily Ever After to you.

The second question I’ve seen more than once– and this one is the doozy– is that of minimizing food costs. Nobody wants a crap meal served at their wedding, because if we’re all speaking frankly, the food is the element of the reception that guests interact with the most directly (right up there with the tunes the DJ plays, and the bartender). Nobody wants it to be evident that their wedding came together on a shoe-string, and food is the source of much anxiety for a lot of brides. Hear me now: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Food is the collective bane of the bride’s existence. Right up there with Mothers-in-Law and That Lingering 5lbs.

My first recommendation is to find a venue that offers food as part of the package. Then haggle. Barter. Ask about making concessions on some parts to cut costs. I wrote a post awhile back on what language works best when making requests like that. I stand by it still. There is certainly a diplomatic and ladylike way to come to a mutually comfortable package with your vendors. It’s all in the language.

Some of you are probably curious as to why I’m not telling you to cut your guest list. Robin did a very eloquent post on that very topic, which you can find here and that I highly recommend. But. In a nutshell: my guest list was 170 long, 120 attended and there was not a damn thing I could do about making it smaller. It was just a fact. We had 120 people with whom we decided we could not and would not get married without. Cutting the budget by cutting the head count was simply out of the question. So I sympathize with the bride who looks at her husband’s giant family and her shrinking bank balance and thinks, “Either the guests go hungry, or we don’t eat for the first three months of being newlyweds… Awesome.”

I haggled with our venue, asking for a package that the venue was nice enough to honor for us (even when they didn’t have to). Most venues will ask you to guarantee a minimum headcount for a lower rate. Most brides in these shoes will have no problem meeting that requirement.

Obligatory Love-fest: once again, I must sing the praises of the Sans Souci of Sea Cliff. Two huge thumbs up and a sloppy kiss on the mouth–they were amazing.

However. If your venue doesn’t have food and you’re at square one, there are a couple options for you.

1. Find a friend/family member/neighbor/cousin/uncle/friend-of-a-friend who loves to cook and ask if they’d be willing to “cater” your big day. Keep in mind that if you’re asking someone who does this professionally, they’re likely going to be more comfortable with a discounted rate as opposed to pro-bono work. Consider the cost of the food alone, to start. Separately, if it’s a close friend of yours, they may insist on doing it for free, in which case you should insist right back that they “gift” it to you, instead of spending money on an additional present, in addition. Also keep in mind that executing a meal for 20+ people is no small feat. You’re going to have to get creative with the menu, taking into consideration what sort of on-site capabilities your venue will have for food-prep.

2. Use local vendors. Whether you’re DIY-ing the food or hiring a caterer, a common-denominator in savings is keeping the suppliers local.

I can hear you, ladies, rolling your eyes and heaving heavy sighs at me. Who wants to cook on their wedding day?! Ugh!! Worst advice EVER! For some women, yes, absolutely. I acknowledge that telling you to cook your own wedding food is sort of like telling you to eat broken glass that’s been glazed in acid and deep-fried. If you are a woman like that… you’re one of the ones who’ll want to find a friend or a caterer and beg, plead and cry until The Universe hears your culinary woes and has mercy on you. Something will pan out for you. Something always does.

For the rest of the women– the women like me, who tend to solve by doing-it-yourself despite all logic and precedence and every single one of your friends advising you against it… Hello, there. You’re in decent company. If Sans Souci hadn’t had a caterer, I would have very easily said, “No big deal. I’ll cook it myself.” I would have made things I could prep in advance (lasagna, cold salads, cheese-and-fruit platters, etc.) and somehow masterminded a way to get it heated and transported. Needless to say it wouldn’t have been a white-glove-server affair, but neither of my families are too high-and-mighty to help themselves buffet-style, and less goes to waste if people can control their own portions.

My point is that it’s not impossible, and you can get great deals on fresh produce if you shop local. I recommend local farmers markets or CSA’s, if you’re planning to do this a little further in advance.

Another key to success is keeping your expectations realistic. If you’re looking to orchestrate a meal by yourself, keep it simple and fool-proof. It is not realistic to expect yourself to put together a five-course formal meal on the day of your wedding. It is fair to plan a laid-back, low-key barbecue picnic wherein you let the groomsmen grill while you and the bridesmaids sip cocktails and watch your loved ones graze a sampling of delicious coleslaws, macaroni and potato salads.

If you’re in doubt, find your most honest friend. Tell her your plans, take her by the shoulders, look her in the eyes and ask, “Are my expectations realistic?” If she nods soberly and promises to be by your side every step of the way, you’re good to go, full speed ahead. If, however, she bursts out laughing and asks you if you’ll be pulling this off before or after you singlehandedly come up with a way to defy gravity… Well, maybe it’s time to hit the drawing boards again.

Either way, you’re not alone. Keep asking questions in the comments. If you see something that’s almost-helpful, ask for more. If you think something is completely off and you’ve got a better solution, speak up! The idea here is that we’re all women who are doing our best, and we’re all here to act as a pool of resources for one another. That’s what communities do.

Take to Twitter. Holler into the void. See what echoes back. And if you see another bride asking for help– reach out. If you don’t have an answer, give her a Re-tweet. It sounds little, but if we all keep tossing pebbles into the pond for one another, the longterm effects are waves. And there’s no limit to how far a wave can travel if it keeps getting propelled in the right direction.

The common denominator is the same. We’re all in this together.

-MMV.