When this post goes live, I’ll probably still be sleeping off my bachelorette party. I am writing from the night before my bachelorette party, though, with hope in my heart and excitement in my belly. So as I lay me down to rest, I pray my party is the best:

Our Woo Girls Who Art in Heaven
A Prayer on the Eve of my Bachelorette Party

[Advantage Bridal]

May I get drunk, but not too drunk. Sub-prayers:

  • I would rather not turn into a crying mess of “I’m so sorry for [transgression from college years]! I love you sooooo much!”
  • I would also like to not become physically ill.
  • A hangover is OK, though. I have purchased pre-emptive Gatorade.
  • I would like my memories intact. Because I intend to make some memories.

May I not be the drunkest one there. Or god forbid the only drunk one. For saddest is the Woo Girl who Woos alone.

May I make it through the daytime winery-visit portion without spilling any vino on the borrowed white dress I will be wearing.

May I pull off the little black dress I have planned for the evening bar-hopping portion, despite my fears that a little black dress is too boring for words no matter how rocking the underlying bod may be.

May my feet not hurt despite my unreasonably-tall shoes.

And despite all the dancing I wish to do? And may some of that dancing happen on a bartop or at least a table?

May I fight off DrunkFace and manage to look cute in photographs even into the more slurred hours of the evening.

May the people I meet on the South Side [for the non-Pittsburghers, the South Side is the clogged storm drain of the city collecting a filmy puddle of under-dressed women, Ed Hardy enthusiasts, and Blue Curaçao] be skeevy in the blog-worthy stories way, not the “I need to file a police report” way.

May I run into another Bachelorette Party and have a bonding moment, but also clearly be having more fun than they are.

And Woo Girls, most of all, may I have fun? And may all my bachelorette-ettes also have fun? Let it be a great party.

Oh, and one more thing:  May I be spared from penis-shaped novelty items, generally.

What are your hopes for your bachelorette party?


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6 Responses to “Our Woo Girls Who Art in Heaven”

  1. Kristin

    This is awesome. I may have to create something similar for my Bachelorette party in two weeks. Hope you had a blast!

  2. Stephanie

    Oh pretty much that! Drunk, but not too drunk, and not the only one drunk! And no mechanical bulls. And unforgettable fun. :)

  3. currencywidget

    kidding with that. try "your guardian angel" by red jumpsuit apparatus, but do your own rendition of it to fit the style you want.

  4. Alyssa

    But the mechanical bull at Saddleridge is practically a must-do for any bachelorette party!

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