cheap wedding inspiration

{True Life} I’m MARRIED 2.0

Two weeks ago, I was telling you all the reasons why I’m so smart. Today, I’m going to do a little more of that. This is partially because my ego needs a little preening this week and partially because there were other major factors in the success of our wedding.

6. We looked at everything from our wedding party & guests’ POV. In a perfect world, traveling to and from a wedding wouldn’t be even the smallest of inconveniences. Sadly, we live in The Real World, where you are singly the most excited about your wedding, and traveling guests are all put-out a bit. (Yes, even the ones who are too polite to let on.)

Don’t worry, nobody is keeping score (and anyway, you travelled for every baptism and bat mitzvah your aunts schemed up, so if there WAS a score, you would totally be winning). But. To make sure that your guests have optimal enjoyment with minimal stress, take a look at everything from their point of view. It could be as simple as looking at your guest-list breakdown and assessing what each category of people will experience. For example: My whole family travelled five hours, most of them by car, from Upstate NY to Long Island. Some of our friends simply took a train out from the city, but then needed to get to the church and reception. Some people had kids. Some people were in their 80s and wanted nothing more than to be given a seat and a meal and to be kept away from the speakers.

Just to make sure all our guests were able to enjoy the wedding, we addressed the specific itinerary of each demographic — and I’ll tell you what, a great time to do this is right after you do your seating chart, because you seat people (or, we sat people) from similar groups together. Parents & Family from Long Island had no extra needs because they knew the lay of the land. They got a schedule and that was about it. For our grandparents, we arranged a car service (which is more than the bridal party got) so we wouldn’t have to worry about half the family sitting in traffic if things went south in collecting them. My family from out of town were given schedules, maps, lists of local salons (for manicures), food marts (for people traveling with kids too young to appreciate the goodness of bar food) and the numbers for both my Day-of-Coordinator and the local taxi service (just in case). And so on, and so forth.

Beyond that, we made the decision to hold the “rehearsal dinner” in the bar nestled right in the hotel. This was one of my most brilliant ideas, and I’ll tell you why. 1. We did not need two formal sit-down meals in a 12-hour chunk of time. Period. Bar food, Billiards and Foosball was just what the doctor ordered, especially since the Groomsmen were all kind enough to curtail their St. Patty’s celebration until after the rehearsal. 2. Family who travelled in early were welcomed to attend, too, which gave everyone a chance to mix and mingle before the emotionally charges wedding. By the time cocktail hour hit, our previously unfamiliar families were laughing together like they were all lifelong friends. 3. I snuck away and went to bed at 11pm, just like I wanted to, without worrying about everyone eating or being too drunk to drive. They only had to be sober enough to stagger back to their (someone’s) room and sleep it off.

And you know what? A little extra thought on our part was repaid back to us 1,000% when all our guests enjoyed the wedding as thoroughly as we hoped they would.

7. We did a first look and a last-dance. When I spoke with our photographer, DJ and coordinators I realized how inconsiderate a lot of brides are when it came to their vendors’ time. The last thing we wanted to do was disrespect these professionals (or violate our contracts) by starting too late or running too long. At the end of the day, they were there to do a job, and if I didn’t create a schedule and commit to it, I wouldn’t have been doing my part to make sure they had all the tools necessary to do that job.

Our photographer was the first vendor we booked, and I was so in love with her work, I wanted to make sure she had all the time and flexibility she wanted to get the shots we discussed. I also realized early on that our guests largely ate supper early (between 5pm & 6pm) and to make them wait much longer than that could lead to cranky relatives. The challenge then became that our reception ended “early” (10pm, which is actually VERY LATE when you’re exhausted after the sleepless nights and long days associated with Wedding Week).

I grappled with timelines. If we had the photographer for ten hours, and I was to be out of the venue by 10pm, there was a lot that had to get done starting at noon if I wanted to “have it all” when it came to photos.

We opted to do a “First Look” as a solution to not having enough time to get portraits taken and enjoy our reception and keep the experience light and fun for our guests. I there are not enough emphasis tools in the internet to tell you how strongly I recommend considering this route.

8. We stayed focused on what mattered– getting married to each other. There are always going to be things you want to yell at your partner about. Especially during wedding-planning. But– and I hate to be the bearer of foul news– HAVING the wedding doesn’t solve the frustrations you felt during planning. In fact, a solid month after the I Do’s were done, I still found myself with an alarmingly short fuse when it came to cutting The Hubs slack. I’m not sure if it’s because we were engaged for so long, or if it’s because I don’t *love* his current taste in video games (Ultimate Alliance is not as fun to watch someone play-through as Portal 2. Period.) Regardless.

The thing we did on the wedding day was focus on each other. We stood back as much as possible and watched the action evolve around us. I snuggled under his arm and we whispered little snippets of happiness and love to one another. We spent the whole day repeating, out loud to one another, how grateful we were to be there, marrying our best friend.

Keep your eyes on the prize, girls, and keep your groom focused on what matters, too. The whole world can crumble around you if it wants to. On this day (and you know what? Maybe even on this day alone) your true love for each other will overcome everything else. You just have to stay focused on letting it.

9. I wore flats. I spent almost 4 straight years in stilettos. I worked in fashion & PR and went to school in New York City and was pathologically allergic to admitting I am 5’2. I wore stilettos to work. I wore stilettos to school. I wore stilettos to dinner, drinks, dancing and sorority meetings. I wore stilettos everywhere except to bed, and let’s be honest, there was a night or two in there when I awoke the next morning with my shoes still on my feet. Ahem.

But then something funny happened. I took a job with a sportswear company and suddenly I had to wear sportsfashion clothing all the time. Are you all aware of how COMFORTABLE sneakers are? And ballet flats? And how much stilettos pinch if your feet are no longer calloused in all the right spots? Yeah.

I worked in sportsfashion and management for the three years before James and I got married. And let me tell you, my dress was simple and my feet were not interested in being crammed into pinchy shoes for 14 hours.

So I didn’t do it. My father in law almost died when I showed him the AMAZINGLY comfortable navy suede ankle-strap ballet flats I found (on sale! For $20!). They were simple and classy and I danced the night away in comfort and style.

It goes to say: When you look back on your wedding day, understand that you’re going to remember if you don’t pay attention to the small details. Like whether or not your shoes are going to make you bleed all over your dress.

10. I signed my vows. Both of my in-laws are fully deaf. When The Hubs and I were talking about the wedding day and what could make it more special, we decided to incorporate little throwbacks to our lineage and culture wherever possible. As much as being Sicilian is in my husbands blood, and as preciously regarded in his heart, his family celebrates their deaf culture with pride.

Assimilating into his family and the deaf culture was a real eye-opener for me. His parents are two of the smartest, funniest, most engaging and vivacious people I’ve met. They don’t let their inability to hear affect their ability to live, and I certainly don’t look at them as disabled. It’s a monomer that would be horribly misplaced if applied to them. They just faced a different set of challenges than other, which they met and rose above with flying colors.

When it came time to integrate our cultural backgrounds into the wedding, we decided that I would wear an Irish lace veil, and that we would both sign our vows. I’m timid with sign language, because I haven’t had time to properly learn it, and it took a lot of practicing. But at the end of it all, when I was standing in front of the church and surprised my new in-laws with this gesture—when they saw me tell James I’d love him and be faithful to him above all others—it was also a gesture of my love and commitment to them as my family.

Weddings are about you, and they’re about everyone else. There’s no two ways around it. If you’re going to tow the line on some decisions, make sure you throw people a bone in other areas. At the end of the day, a wedding is about two families coming together. People—especially parents—appreciate it when you acknowledge that what’s happening on the altar is bigger than a boy and a girl dressed in pretty clothing, getting antsy for the after-party. They took making your family seriously. It’s nice to show them that as you’re growing the lineage, you’re taking it seriously, too.

And that’s it! In a nutshell, those are the things we did that made our wedding so perfect. So precious. So special. So amazing.

And you know what? I’ll tell you a secret… I’m still not sad it’s over. I love The Hubs and I’d marry him all over again if I had to, but between you and me, Internet… Next time, we’ll elope.

It just goes to say that weddings are a lot of work, and when you find yourself feeling alone and scared that the choices you’re making might not be the best… When you feel overwhelmed or frustrated or like nobody’s wedding has ever been as ridiculous and all-consuming as yours… remember two things: 1. There is at least one woman out there who understands what you’re going through and agrees that your situation is totally the short end of the stick and 2. It’s only temporary. (I promise.)

Until next time, stay strong and lean on one another to get through the tough stuff! Don’t forget… We’re all in this together!

-MMV.