On Having a “Big Wedding”
The first bit of advice that any Broke-Ass Bride gets? Cut your guest list.1 This is sage advice that should not be discounted. Per-head costs make up a huge portion of most wedding budgets. If you keep your list down to “just family and a few close friends,” you’ll save tons of money and get the stress-relief and emotional perks of a more intimate affair.
My fiancé Collin and I are inviting just family and close friends. But we’ve still got a hair over 200 people on our guest list. We will not be having a small, intimate wedding. We’re having a big wedding.2
We both have big families. Big, CLOSE families, so there are no distant cousins to snip out of the list. Plus family friends so close they might as well be blood. Add to that the legions of friends people with such sparkling personalities tend to attract, and you’ve got a big party.
Collin’s last family reunion (not really) [source]
Our guest list is this high even with a very stingy plus-one policy that still gives me indigestion over being a bad hostess. [The Wedding Man (you know who I mean) tells me that it is horribly rude to not give every adult on my guest list a plus one. But the Wedding Man also says I should be providing each guest with pashmina shawls and parasols so they can experience the utmost comfort at my wedding, and that I should engrave our monogram on a brick of gold as a favor for each place setting.]
So what is a Broke-Ass Bride with an epic karass to do? I’d say the best plan of action is plan an off-the-beaten-path wedding, like Britt’s taco truck catering.
Or you could do what I did, and book a conventional venue that isn’t outrageously expensive, but also not ingeniously cheap. If you did that (I can’t be the only fool out there who did that, right?), you too may be a Big Wedding Broke-Ass Bride.
What can be done? How can I save my wedding from cancellation and my bank account from doom? I have a three-pronged approach that you’ll be reading about in much more detail every Sunday in the months to come:
1. Cuts elsewhere. In the spirit of the invite slash, I’m all about reducing certain budget line-items to ZERO. Hence: no wedding cake (and none of the associated toppers and cutters), no flowers, no favors. Not to mention the dozens of items that I didn’t even know were “supposed” to be in wedding budgets but learned about when my mother-in-law sent me a wedding supply catalogue. People are spending HOW MUCH on tiny pillows to put their rings on? Pass!
For the “why, why?” price of $35.98 [source]
2. Friendors Look at a long guest list as an extended talent pool. Our photographer is a dear friend who has been taking my picture for years. Our ceremony music is being arranged and performed by two other close friends and Collin’s uncle. Collin’s cousin might be our videographer (otherwise, that is going in the “cuts elsewhere” category). We’re planning to compensate our friendors, but at prices which, to be frank, seriously insult their talent. The difference in cost is their wedding gift to us. Not only does everyone save money, we get to work with our loved ones instead of strangers on our wedding day. Everybody wins.
3. DIY Not to barge in on Mallory’s territory, but I can’t stress enough how vital DIY is to keeping our wedding on budget. My favorite thing about DIY is how accessible it is as a budget-saving strategy. Maybe you don’t have talented friends who are willing to work as wedding friendors. But the secret about DIY is that it doesn’t actually require crafting talent: just time (which I realize is a limited commodity for many of us) and patience. Sometimes it feels like more trouble than it is worth, and after a few crafting mishaps I usually start worrying about failing to save money. But I know I couldn’t throw the big wedding we’re having without DIY. And I’m going to love looking around on my wedding day and seeing things that make me think, “I made this!”
DIY also requires space. And a casual attitude about messes.
Anyone else out there having a big wedding? Do you feel like you’ve found enough other places to save money? Do you sometimes look at your budget balance and wish you could have a guest list you could count on your fingers and toes?
1See generally, Liz Coopersmith, “The Invite Slash to Save Wedding Cash.”
2Your mileage may vary. Different regions and cultures define wedding sizes very differently. For example, my sister’s sister-in-law said she had a “tiny” wedding with “only” 90 guests.
I’m also a broke ass big wedding bride! We’re having around 200 folks and are determined to keep it on budget. I’m friends with my caterer so he’s cutting us a deal. My favors ARE my centerpieces. No Florida, just some buckets of fresh flowers from a local grower. No venue cost because its at my future f.i.l. house. My DJ is a friend of a friend and not charging much. All other decor is DIY. My friend is doing my invites as a gift.
The biggest key is talking to everyone you know and finding out what they can do. Many people really want to help and appreciate what I’m trying to do.
I am having exactly the same problem…Our families are huge and that leaves no one to cut out except maybe kids. Kids take up minimal space but still need a seat and a plate and a table to sit at. I decided to have a no-kid but our immediate family kids wedding. I am also DIYing ALOT myself like invites and centerpieces and using many Friendors! Thanks for the many sound suggestions for budgeting!!!
Wonderful, thanks. Makes me feel less stressed about the size of ours. We wanted a big inclusive party…and since we're 40, we have not only a long list of important friends but lots of friends & family with multiple kids – so we are focusing on the joy we'll feel when they're all together with us and trying to come up with a big but simple party plan.
…and we'll definitely DIY everything to do with decorations, at least. We're planning to make the big party feel more intimate (and be decorated more cheaply) by placing photos of various guests and us through the years on top of each table. Shouldn't take much $, just some time. Our event venue has stained glass windows which, as the managers pointed out, cuts down on the need for decorations. And then it's also OK for flowers to be mixed, messy, and colorful. Needless to say, no favors, and a super-cheap Etsy getup for me.
This lady's a smart one. Now, if only I could go back and do it all this way and without any of the anxiety from the big ol' wedding man…
We have stained glass at our venue too! Also, I love love LOVE your photo centerpiece idea.
As a broke ass bride myself, we've manage to do really well with our modest budget for close to 200 guests. It wasn't easy especially for a Newport, R.I wedding but choosing a venue on a Sunday night meant we got a huge discount on the site fee and the fact that the Sunday fell on a holiday weekend worked for our OOT guests too. We choose a restaurant that offered catering and went the family style route. We are also providing most of the booze ourselves (trek to New Hampshire state liquor store for tax free). This meant we could provide a open bar! As for dessert, no cake but a inexpensive dessert buffet including cupcakes and cookies for favors. We DIY our invites, STD and escort cards. My Pronovias wedding gown was purchased at Running of the Brides for $253 and my pre-owned mantilla lace veil was bought off Etsy for $15 total. So the list of savings go on and on!
Our Broke Ass Wedding slashed to the max invite list was 142. Fiance has a HUGE family. BUT we're making it work.
I did our save the dates and will be doing our invitations (rack cards, ya'll!) on OvernightPrints and if you follow them on Twitter, they tweet current specials and discounts (stds were 60% off!)
Our MOH and BM just moved into a small house and are letting us have our wedding there.
We're getting a membership to Costco so we can get cheap alcohol and cheap hor d'oeuvres, our friend is officiating, my friend who opened her own photography business wants to be our photographer, and I'm looking at dresses in dept stores and online. Cocktail dresses seem to be the way to go!
And Robin, your photo captions had me cracking up!
excellent post. it seems like everyone's advice is to cut the guest list…but which would you rather look back on as "missing" from your wedding…family or a crappy, expensive favor that will wind up in everyone's trash or garage sales within 2 years?
Same same. We invited over 300 people and think we'll end up between 220-250 once all the rsvps come back in. Don't discount an off-season wedding, ours is in February and has saved us money here and there because people will negotiate just to get the business. (Not everyone wants to get married in the winter, but we're doing it up with sparkly winter awesomeness). Also we went through a restaurant instead of a catering company (thousands and thousands cheaper) and then found an organization willing to serve, set up, clean up, etc in exchange for a donation to their club. It's like a fundraiser for them, and much much cheaper than professionals for us. Our friend designed the invitations, another is making the cake, another doing videography, etc. But also we splurged on a few things (like an awesome venue, not super expensive especially with off-season prices, but not free) and we're spending a bit extra on decorations so that it looks fancy and fabulous. No one needs to know we didn't spend 50k
same here too!! we should make a club – a broke ass big wedding bride club
our venue caps out at 190 which is helpful for us, but our invite list is about 230 right now (not getting married til march 2012 so we have some time). we did a venue that we loved and normally couldn't afford, but doing it in march in the boston area cut the cost. we're cutting non-necessities too – baking cupcakes, no favors, DIY, etc.
Our wedding will have 300 guests. Thankfully my future m-i-l has come to the rescue with DIY projects. We're making our own favors, centerpieces, and most of the wedding decor. Plus, don't discount shopping Goodwill for vases and other unique decor accents!
Other ways we're saving $$$:
-Father is a printer & is printing our invitations at cost
-Found dress, shoes, & clutch on sale. Bought my veil from another bride for $50 instead of $250!
-Asked for certificates as gifts for waxing, make-up, & hair on the wedding day
-Wedding Cake as a gift from my Aunt & Uncle
-Traditional Hall as our venue (very tasteful & modern) the venue price is waved w/ our catering fee
-Traditional ceremony site with only a donation fee
-Using a family ties for our ceremony musicians, cake servers, & DJ
-We asked that any of our Christmas gifts or Birthday gifts be wedding related to help offset costs, which our families have happily helped with
-Borrowing a ring pillow, flower girl basket, unity candle set, toasting flutes, cake server/knife, and other items from family members
There are lots of ways to save money. You just have to be savvy and look for them!
Your ideas are really great and surely helpful to many desperated brides who was blessed by huge families. But i think making at least part of the wedding necesarries yourself those brides can cut down costs of their wedding.
Another member of the Broke Ass Big Wedding brigade here. We're looking at a 300 person guest list! My fiance's family is HUGE and mine is pretty big too. We also have been dating for 8 years and both work in the theater industry. So, we have a very large circle of close friends that are impossible not to invite. Since I'm allergic to milk we aren't having a traditional cake. Oreo's happen to be my favorite cookie and dairy free so when i saw this post http://tinyurl.com/33ceutk i knew exactly what we'd be doing for our wedding! We are also calling in friends for many things like one of my bridesmaids is an artist and will be designing and sreen printing our std and invites. I'm determined to have a big bash on budget! I have faith it can be done and really hate when others doubt. So many people have fallen victim to the wedding industry and their marketing ploys!
Oh, finally — I've found my peeps! Our list just keeps getting bigger instead of smaller, and I'm having so much trouble explaining to people that my fiance and I actually WANT everybody there. I don't want to have a B-list, and I don't want to tell people not to bring their kids (we're in our 40s, too, and we have a lot of kids in our lives — including my fiance's two), and I don't want to tell my single friends that they're not allowed to bring a date (though I'm hoping most of them will decide not to, figuring they know enough people there to have fun)…and so here we are, at around 200, last I looked, though that number includes the kids (and babies).
We're extremely lucky that my parents are insisting on footing the bill for the venue and catering, so we only need to go broke-ass on all the other stuff…but it's still a challenge. For one thing, I don't want to abuse the privilege and stick my parents with a bill for more than they bargained for; for another, the big list really limits our venue choices! Our number one choice has more than enough space (and cheaper food, as it's a beach with a barbecue menu), but our number two choice (which would let me rest a little more easy, since it has indoor AND outdoor space, instead of just outdoor) can only really fit 175 people, max. We had a third choice, but it can only fit 150…I was really bummed about that.
Anyway, I'll be following this discussion, that's for sure…and feeling less guilty about not having an "intimate wedding"!
As a fan of Miss Manners, I was thrilled when I read her sensible advice about big guest lists: Figure out who you want to invite, then decide what kind of party you can afford to throw them – even if it's just punch and cookies at the church.
Speaking of which, if you're having a religious ceremony, think of doing it at your church! Many have cheap (or free!) use of the hall, beautiful stained glass motifs, free parking and many have gardens or other outdoor activity areas. You can also usually use your own catering. Another bonus: guests don't have to worry about transportation or wait times between ceremony and reception. Very convenient!
Good luck! Your attitude in paragraph 1 is great (you remind me of my fiance when I falter; he's much less prone to guilt and worry) and we're thinking about some of the same things. And gosh, my friends/families keep having more babies as the date approaches! But their presence will make the whole thing more special and I'm sure that will be true for you too. Hang in there and have fun hunting for bargains.
I'm having what's probably a pretty big wedding, about 150 people. It was 130, but then we decided to host it in our back yard, and to avoid pissing off neighbors, we just invited them.