{Guest Post} 20 Ways to Avoid the Wedding Industrial Complex
Thanks to Jeff at Coupon Sherpa for this fun, irreverent dig at the WIC. While I may not agree with all of his tips or assertions 100%, I loved his cheeky approach and found myself laughing out loud at a lot of these items. Disclaimer: Coupon Sherpa is not a BAB sponsor, and reposting this article is not an endorsement of their company. Its just an endorsement of fun 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why do so many brides strive for perfect weddings when it’s the imperfections that make the day truly special?
Forget the meringue wedding dress, matching tuxes or monogrammed aisle liners: It’s the bored ring bearer; clumsy best man, and “Thriller” dancing groomsmen that end up in our memories and on YouTube for all time.
Yet stressed-out American brides each continue to spend an average of $19,581 trying to create flawless weddings. A fair portion of that figure goes towards the following 20 items of unconscionable crap — all pushed on these stressed-out women by an insidious Wedding Industrial Complex.
Don’t say we didn’t sarcastically warn you.
1. Formal Engagement Photos
The New York Times won’t print engagement photos unless the couple’s eyebrows “are arranged on exactly the same level.” If you think about this policy, it makes perfect sense. After all, if you can’t play Sudoku on the brow lines, why bother?
2. Diamond Wedding Bands
Too many rocks on the hand could mean too many rocks in the head. The diamonds on your engagement ring should be more than sufficient. Besides, extra rocks just mean more callouses on your palm.
3. Cake Server Sets
Your manicured hands are going to cover those curvaceous and be-ribboned handles throughout the 10 seconds you’ll actually put the implements to use. It all comes down to whether you want to pay a couple hundred for engraved silver you’ll never use again.
4. Classy Guestbook and Pen Set
The only person who’s going to see the cover of the guestbook is the poor schmuck you corralled into saying, “Would you like to sign the guestbook?” Besides, those $100 pens never really work for more than 10 minutes.
5. Bride and Groom Exchange Gifts
I thought your were giving each other the gift of yourselves. Silly me. If you really want to give something tangible, try a simple, heartfelt note written. Now that’s something worth treasuring.
6. Monogrammed Aisle Runner
Why walk on a carpet when you can walk all over your own names (or squiggly initials). A free-floating runner is just another obstacle to trip on as you trip your way down the aisle.
7. Groom’s Cakes
Wedding cakes serve two purposes: They make great photo props and single ladies like to slime the undersides of their pillows in hopes of sweet dreams. What purpose does a groom’s cake serve besides lining the trash bin. along with the baker’s pocket?
8. Padded Guest Lists
Sure it took a village to raise you, but does the entire village need to attend your wedding?
9. Wedding Planners
Some venues require brides hire wedding planners, which suggests they’re getting a huge kick-back. Some planners are worth their weight in gold, but others create more headaches and chaos. (Remember semi-hysterical Anthony Marantino from “Sex in the City?”)
10. Limousines
Sure it’s fun to stand up in the sun roof and shout “woo-woo,” and it’s cool to legally drink in a super-stretched car, but it’s a lot cheaper to just pack a whiskey flask in your purse and borrow a friend’s sedan.
11. Videos
Videos are more than expensive, they’re dangerous in the wrong hands. Remember the bride who ended up on YouTube after the clumsy best man shoved her into the pool? Thankfully, the videographer was facing the wrong way when her dress slipped to waist level.
Years after the wedding, many couples say they’d much rather have spent the money on professional still photos than a video they seldom watch.
12. Engraved Invitations
Hang the expense. Collating all that paper is exhausting. There’s the engraved wedding invite; the totally unnecessary tissue paper; the engraved reception invite; the engraved RSVP card; and possibly a SASE RSVP envelope. All are stuffed in a spiffy envelope that you then have to stamp and hand address.
Unless they have a vested interest, people look at all that paper for a few seconds, send back the response card — if you’re lucky — and toss out the rest.
13. Rented Tuxedos
Have you ever known a little boy who dreams of growing up to look like a penguin?
14. Personalized Matches
Unless you hang out with a lot of smokers, tokers and/or candle freaks, these suckers are going in the trash.
15. Matching Bridesmaids Dresses
Let your bridesmaids wear any dress in their closet and you’ll still be speaking after the wedding. Every bride should be forced to watch “27 Dresses.”
16. Make-Up Professionals
Rule number one: The skin on your face should match the skin on your arms and back.
Rule number two: Your fiance is marry you, not the make-up artist.
Rule number three: It’s a lot cheaper to visit a department store make-up counter for a make-over. Just be sure to buy something when you’re finished, like a base color that matches your skin tone.
17. Bustles
Is baby desperate to get back — to the late 1800s? If you want to catch a train, call Amtrak.
18. Expensive Shoes
Listen up. NOBODY CAN SEE YOUR FEET UNDER THE DRESS! Unless you’re wearing a cocktail gown, of course. Then go hog wild.
19. Wedding Favors
Personalized tote bags; sterling silver bubble tubes; soy candles in cunning bags; monogrammed M&Ms, water bottles and lip balm…stop me before I vomit cash.
20. Dry Cleaning the Wedding Dress
Like you’re EVER going to wear it again. (Thanks to MyExWeddingDress.com for the photo.)
Things Upon Which I Order You To Spend Money
1. Professional Photographers
Trust me: Uncle Fred or brother-in-law Ed can not take photos “as good as any of those fancy-pants professionals.” Pay a pro and you’ll never regret it.
2. A Divorce Dance Video
Just in case things don’t work out, follow the example of the couple who created a divorce video patterned after “Jill and Kevin’s Wedding Entrance Dance,” viewed 52 million times on YouTube and featured on The Office and the Today Show.
lol what didn't you agree with? I loved it all. Now if I could just convince the fiance he doesn't need to wear a tux at our backyard bbq wedding.
I love this! I've seen so many lists along the same lines that don't offer any genuine, realistic ways to save (ex. narrow your floral arrangements down to 5 flower types rather than 10). Thanks for keepin' it real.
lol! loved this post. laughing out loud in the office. shh!
Re: "Things Upon Which I Order You To Spend Money"
Jeff? You forgot "the Bar".
Awesome!! I wish I had read this a year ago, before I hired a wedding planner. I was so busy with work, and rehabbing a house and my hubby (then fiance) got a job in another state, I thought it was essential to have a planner help me. I spent most of the next 6 months convincing HER why I didn't need all the other things on this list! By the time it got to the wedding, I really didn't want her in my sight!
I have to strongly disagree with the groom's cake entry on this list. Most grooms thoroughly enjoy designing or selecting a groom's cake. It's a perfect area of wedding planning for the guy to get involved and leave a personal mark. I also completely disagree that the groom's cake will end up "lining the trashcan." My wife and I kept the leftover groom's cake frozen and enjoyed it for many months after our wedding. Another popular alternative for the grooms' cake is to serve it as dessert at the rehearsal dinner.
this is awesome! the thing is, not only are these things a waste of our own money, everything we use for one night and then throw out is a complete waste of energy & resources.
oh wait, i am planning on getting engagement photos done though. oops. hehe.
in my defense – i don't think they're unnecessary, lots of photographers include them in their wedding packages anyway, and i'm not getting them to put in the newspaper! i just want some fun, good quality photos of us in our normal clothes.
Overall, these are great tips! But we agree with the Man Registry- most of our grooms really dig having a cake that's representative of them.
Of course, we disagree with #9 – if you find the RIGHT planning team {you know, the experienced, fun, won't-put-you-in-a-box-type} you'll be in great hands, will enjoy the process, and save loads. It's our goal to bring our clients under budget and to recommend rock star, quality vendors who will help us accomplish this {hello established relationships, knowledge, and discounts!}. It's certainly not in our best interests to drive a budget upwards!
We totally agree about the cheesy wedding favors, the flimsy paper aisle runners, and old school guest books. There are so many fun, less expensive, and unique alternatives. You can still opt for a fun token for guests, but instead give each couple or family one {as opposed to each guest} and make it something they can USE.
Another big one not on your list: tacky fru fru drinks that ring up at $15 a pop. Stick with a streamlined signature drink that your guests won't take one sip of and dump out, no matter how much you love your PinkTini.
Awesome article! I’m actually not doing any of the things listed, except for favors. Our favors are going to kick ass.
I am ridiculously happy to admit that we're not having a single one of these at our wedding! I kept scrolling down with hesitation, thinking surely the next one would be something we've spent money on, but nope, not a one!
Where I work (I am not a wedding photographer, but I do post-processing for several) we love engagement sessions because a) it lets *you* get comfortable with the photographer before the big day and b) it lets the photographer learn what angles are best for your face, and if you have any expressions to watch out for (i.e. heavy blinkers benefit from taking more frames in group shots, etc.) This is why so many photographers include the engagement session as part of every package.
I don't know that it helps to be *formal* though, unless you are sending it to the nytimes.
Absolutely fantastic and hysterical! I agree on most things, but my inner Southern girl still wants a groom's cake…
Even if you want some of this stuff you don't have to spend a ton of money on it. For example: I think it is fine to want a guest book, but you can buy a cheap one and cover it with decorative paper to make it look nice instead of spending a fortune on a designer one. As a guest I am most concerned about the food and the music:)
I truly appreciate this list. I'm in the process of planning my wedding and intend on staying married after the ceremony. Watching bridezilla and all that other crap made me realize that people just start to get crazy besides at the end of the day what will the guest remember, trust me its not nan-one of the items on ya list- All of which can ring up a big bill.
Post ceremony people cant even enjoy the commitment because they are still tryna figure out how to pay their wedding off.. Ridiculous,( i rebuke that spirit)
I'm going for meaningful, purposeful-waste-less and eco friendly- No paper invites- we dump in the trash, its 2010 you'll get the URL for the invite- no individual programs on the day of wedding. We will print a few big ones and make a few 4 x6 using no more than 5 pieces of paper. Not spending an arm and a leg on the dress, thinking reasonably not like the industry wants me to.. etc..
You shouldn't have to think about how are you are going to PAY for your wedding but only answering WHEN are you getting married!
you should call it SMART ASS BRIDE..lol
Love it!
lol! love all this! and now that we were forced to postponing and starting from scratch we’re implementing this list… BTW anyone wanna buy 200 14k mint tins engraved Dustin & Kelly 10*3*10??
just kidding, but it’s a helpful reminder why splurging on personalized junk is a BAD idea!
circumstances beyond your controll may leave you with 500 books of matchstick reminders of your epic fail, or your dream on hold, which ever it turns out to be.
lol! love all this! except the groom’s cake!?! especially in a time of endless dessert buffets i say nix the big bulky Foo-Foo cake and use smaller more personal cakes.
and now that we were forced to postponing and starting from scratch we’re implementing this list… BTW anyone wanna buy 200 14k mint tins engraved Dustin & Kelly 10*3*10??
just kidding, but it’s a helpful reminder why splurging on personalized junk is a BAD idea!
circumstances beyond your control may leave you with 500 books of matchstick reminders of your dream wedding up in flames, for whatever reason it didn’t happen, lucky ours was a mutual financial decision, but HELL hath no fury like a bride to be, scorned… with monogramed matches in hand!
whoops on the double post… darn mobile web. can i delete the 1st one somehow?
Great article and I too am delighted that I haven’t succumbed to any of it – in fact we are having a destination wedding in New York with only 2 guests so it’s going to be the most laid back relaxed wedding ever! I designed my own card to send to my 2 guests just for fun, I designed my own dress which is being handmade at a fraction of the cost of a ‘designer’ one, our photographer is included in the cost of the wedding package we booked (which was my only concern but I’ve seen his work and it’s not too shabby!) We are then flying off to acapulco for our honeymoon and the whole cost including that, is about 1/4 of what UK brides normally pay for one big poofy, fluffy, over the top day of worrying about what everyone else thinks!!