Four Things You Already Know About Your Wedding
You already know this stuff, you just might not know that you know that you know it. You know?
He Does, Too.
- How to Put Dinner For Hundreds in Perspective. Odds are, your wedding is the first big sit-down dinner that you’ve ever thrown. So, when I meet with brides and they tell me that they want to feed 250 guests on a reception budget of $5,000 or less, I get that it’s just a failure to extrapolate from real life. How much does it cost for you and your guy to go out to dinner? Even if it’s some place like Olive Garden – salad, entrées, drinks and dessert are going to be $30-35 per person, not including tax and tip (Yes, I checked online). And that’s Olive Garden. When you think about it that way, it doesn’t seem quite as harsh. Expensive, maybe, but not so harsh.
- Being in your wedding party is an honor, but don’t make it a burden. They are not going to wear that dress again. How do I know that? Did you ever wear the last bridesmaid dress you wore again? Neither did I. So, be kind when it comes to how much the dress is going to cost, especially considering their other expenses, like hotel, airfare, a wedding gift, your bachelorette party, etc.. Once everyone is at your wedding, make everything as easy as possible. Let them know where they they need to be and when and how and what. Tell them how happy you are that they are there with you, and then tell them again. Think about how you would like to be treated if you were a bridesmaid, so don’t treat them like servants. Your wedding party is happy to be there for you – don’t make them unhappy to be there for you.
- The Fine Art of Guest Maintenance. Assume nothing. Spell out everything. Where to go, how to get there, who to talk to, what to say. Wedding websites are useful. Everyone has stuff to do, don’t get angry, just set aside the week after your RSVP deadline to follow up with the no-replies. Some folks will not be able to find theirs, no matter what, so back-up up place cards with a list of your guests by last name and by table. Signage is useful. Think about what really sucked at the last wedding you went to, and make sure that’s covered. Think about what you really loved at the last wedding you went to and make sure that’s covered. Find out where the bathrooms are so you can tell whoever asks. If it’s hot, cool and hydrate your guests, if it’s cold, warm them. If there’s a long wait twixt event a and event b, entertain them. Make it a goal to say hello to every single one of your guests. Don’t let the food run out. Don’t let the drinks run out. Keep the dance floor hopping. That all being said, some people will never be happy, so just smile and thank them for coming. You might be related to some of those people, but do it anyway.
- Your fiance is getting married, too. I put this last, so it’s the first thing you remember. Here’s the thing – an alarm goes off in my head when a bride contacts me about her wedding and DOESN’T mention her fiance off the bat. “I’m getting married on blah blah” as opposed to “we’re getting married on blah blah”, or if it takes a couple of emails or phone calls to even mention his name, and this happens a lot. It’s his wedding, too. Honor his wishes. Ask him what he wants as far as the wedding is concerned, involve him as much as he wants (not necessarily as much you want him to be) , don’t be surprised if he says no to anything, and work it out if he does. When you talk about your wedding, remember to say “We.” and “Us.” This is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, not just the plastic groom on top of your wedding cake. I’m just saying.
See? I told you already knew this stuff. So, what else has given you a big head-smacking “Duh!” on your way down the aisle? And have you had an issues with numbers 1-4 yet?
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See you at the end of the aisle,
I gag a little when I hear brides use "we" and "us." Too often when she says "Our favorite color is purple," she really means her favorite color and "we really want to honeymoon in Hawaii" means she's really been dreaming of it since she was 5. I wish more brides would own up that it's really "I" and "my." Let him have his opinions, by all means, but she should fess up when it's just her own wishes masquerading as "ours."
As we (see, we!) are now 29 days from the shindig, I really appreciated this post! Putting dinner into perspective was especially helpful. Thanks!
Chris, I do agree with you about the gagacious "we" and "us" though. Whether it is hiding behind the we, or letting it consume one's individual identity, I don't like it either.
"Your fiance is getting married too."
That's the most important one to remember!
I see what you’re saying, but I think it’s one of those fine lines that everyone knows has been crossed? “we like purple” is pretty obviously coming from one place, wheras not mentioning your fiancé’s name through a couple of phone/calls emails is at the other end of the, uh, bridal dysfuncion spectrum? Either way, there is a lack of perspective that people should be wary of falling into, is what I’m trying to say.
I think #4 is very important. It is important to keep the communication lines open and remember to include your fiancee in the planning. Maybe there is something he would love to add or something that he just doesn't like. The wedding should be a joint effort and a wonderful day for the both of you.
This is a GREAT list. Isaiah and I read this together and fully agreed not to forget any of the tips. Really, the first “to-do” or “top 5″ list I’ve appreciated that has been realistic. Not “Top 5 things to do to ‘WOW’ your guests” or something unrealistically expensive like that. Thanks for keeping an eye on the focal point of weddings “Love and Commitment.”
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