A Music Manifesto (with a wedding recap on the side), part I.
The right music makes everything better, amIright? It stirs the senses, attaches itself to and evokes memories, provokes our emotions, and laces itself into the soundtracks of our lives in inextricable and powerful ways. Our taste in music says a lot about who we are, where we’ve been, and reveals layers of our personalities that aren’t always immediately discernible. Or at least, I thinks so. I’m that girl who can’t wait for the ceremony to start because I’m curious to hear what song she picked to enter with. I’m so fascinated by what music people select for different portions of their weddings, and even moreso by the pressure to conform to the ‘wedxpectations’ (booyah, just made that up!) that so many couples experience (including us!).
Pachabel’s Canon in D. The Wedding March. At last. I’ll be. Ave Maria. Butterfly Kisses. Rainbow Connection. Unforgettable. (you get the point). How many times have you heard these at weddings? How many cocktail hours and dinners filled with Sinatra and the rest of the rat pack, Michael Buble, and Earth, Wind and Fire have you attended?
Now, I’m not trying to beef on you if you have some attachment to one of these songs or artists… I’ve got nothin’ but love. They’re beautiful songs performed by some of the greatest artists of our time. If you have a connection with it – use it! But even so, these choices are fairly common (and therefore, somewhat predictable) choices. And far too many couples fall back onto choosing music that doesn’t rock their personal socks, or show off their unique taste, because they feel pressure to stay inside that box. I have friends who regret their processional choice because of the pressure of “tradition”… But, I’m blowing the lid right off that box and hitting shuffle on this mix, yo! BOOOOOM goes the dynamite. People, use music you LOVE. There’s nothing like the sense memory of your wedding jam playing while you’re in the toilet paper aisle at Target. You will dance. You will tear up. You will go home and make out. It’s. Awesome.
Your music also sets a mood. Consider the energy you want your wedding to radiate. Elegant and sophisticated? Fun and funky? Down home country? Big band glam? The music you play can clue your guests in on what kind of event to expect, so use it!
Picking our music was a major challenge for us, for shizzle. We wanted to underscore our day with music that both held meaning to us as a couple, and showed off our diverse and random tastes in tuneage. And remember how Hunter had issues with having a ceremony in a place that many other people had married? He felt the same way about music selections for the wedding. I fell in love with plenty of songs that got quickly vetoed because he was very particular (and in the end, he was right). Plus, the closest thing we’d had to “our song” over the 6.5 years of our relationship that far, was deemed too sad (and worse, morbid)* by our families. We gave it some more thought, and we saw their point. We wanted to feel jolly and happy, not like we were harshing everyone’s (including our own) merry mellow! And so we decided that we wanted cheerful, even upbeat music to celebrate each moment with positive and joyful energy.
And that’s just what we did.
The Ceremony
♥ During the pre-game, while our guests filtered in and procured their fine ceremony cocktails, we had the one and only Michael from The Flashdance spinning beats. We suggested to Michael a very groovy, sunny, raggae sort of vibe to play with, and given his exquisite taste, the party was already started before we even arrived. Then, it was time to get down to business!
Fun in the sun...
♥ For the wedding party processional, we chose a song by one of our very favorite musicians, Trevor Hall. We love how stirring and meditative it feels, and how the lyrics are so appropriate to the business we had come to do. We even printed the lyrics on the back of our programs, so the guests would get the full experience of the song and its message. The timing worked out just right, so the final bridesmaid took her place just as the song ended… and it kicked our wedding with the perfect mood and energy.
Trevor Hall “To Zion“
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Lyrics:
To Zion, I’ll fly on…
To Zion, I’ll fly on…
Up with the sunrise
breeze through the wind chimes
open my eyes as the images rush my mind
Shine, oh baby you’re just in time
the water’s in the kettle, the stars have just aligned
Yes within the hour, oh I see the power
never new the street could bloom so many flowers
Yes I water the roots as I lace up my boots
strap on my parachute, and float on back to…
To Zion…I Fly On
...and the fairies danced down the isle.
Swallow the ocean
drink of it’s potion
the wheels are turning and burning, set it in motion
Fire, fire, well baby I’m up in flames
these melodies are telling me to see it all the same
yes, I am I
you are you
you are me
we are we,
family on the road to unity
Plant a seed, watch it sprout
watch it grow, watch it bloom
get in tune, sun and moon
as we finally break through..
To Zion…I Fly On
Polish the mirror
so we can see clearer
push back the clouds
and reflect love superior.
Within the lotus,
it all comes in focus
this love, it ain’t hopeless
its no hocus pocus.
♥ Picking my entrance song was balls hard, people. I really wanted a different song for this part, but I only had like 30-40 seconds of processional and its near impossible to find music that can feel “complete” within that time. I had a few strong contenders, but nothing really sang to me, and I was getting pretty stressed about it. I didn’t want to compromise on this one, you know? It was my big moment! The reveal! The first look! Then I remembered the instrumental intro to one of my very favorite songs of all time, and it timed out perfectly! With its dreamlike tempo and airy strings, it feels like an underwater ballet… like time slows down when it plays. And that’s exactly how I wanted to feel as I glided down the aisle.
Jump, Little Children – “Mother’s Eyes” (the first 1:25 were my processional, and I entered at 0:30) but listen to the rest – its an epic song!)
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In our own underwater ballet.
♥ Our officiant/friend Billy knows us incredibly well. He’s also insanely talented (like mega ultra uber good) singer/songwriter, so we asked if he could write us a special jam, and then perform it after the recessional while circling the guest seating, to set the right mood for the ceremony and seal off the sacred space in which we were about to marry. It was incredibly special and powerful, and Billy was adorable, singing to us and interacting with the guests with the same goofy warmth that makes him one of our very best friends. As we always say: warm and sweet, thoughtful and silly is the way we love our Billy Gilly 
You Got Love, written and performed by Billy Gill
Billy’s Song from Digital Princess Productions on Vimeo.
♥ The recessional was the one easy pick of the whole shebang. I’ll Melt with You has been one of our favorite, meaningful jams for many years (who can resist Modern English?) and we knew from day uno that we wanted to kick off our marriage with that hot-ass crescendo toward the end. It just feels like the beginning of something sooooo freaking good, don’t it?
Modern English – “Melt with You” (we started it at 3:17)
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Stay tuned for Part II – The Reception Jams!
What songs are you using for your ceremony? I love hearing people’s picks!
*that song was: I Will Follow You (Death Cab for Cutie)
oh I LOVE this post, dana!
Great post! We have been mulling over our ceremony music for a while (our wedding is 10/9/10) and there really is a lot of pressure to give in to the "classic wedding music." But that's just not us. Right now we only have one song picked: "Everyday" by Rogue Wave for the processional. My maids will walk in at the beginning, and then there's the perfect part for me to enter during the last 40 or so seconds of the song, so it's just perfect. (Plus it's a cover, and I remember my mom always playing the original when I was a kid, so it's got a nice, emotional tie to my childhood.) Now we need a really great, fun, rock and roll song for the recessional.
Thanks for the post – I may repost about this tomorrow since we are knee deep in figuring out wedding music. While I'd love to hire someone like Michael from The Flashdance I'm not sure we have a budget for that so it's all iPod all the time. It's stressful b/c I want the music to really capture the vibe of the wedding and I'd rather have someone controlling it. We are using non traditional songs for the ceremony procession and want a really fun dance party vibe for the reception. Looking forward to part 2 of your post
such a great post! i'm already stressing about the tunes for my wedding…there's just so much to choose from!!
Thanks, Lyd!
Oh, that processional sounds so nice! I love the story behind it
Don't rule out finding a DJ in your budget too soon, you never know what you'll find
But I've been to some great iPod weddings too. A really great trick is to have someone man the iPod station, so they can make sure the song selections match the energy in the room, and blend them together well so there's no lull between songs. Thanks for the great comment!
It's one of the funnest parts, and its free! Enjoy
We did different songs for our wedding, too. Since we live in Austin, the music played before the wedding was all of Stevie Ray Vaughn's acoustic songs. Guests grabbed a drink and sat under the oak trees listening to Stevie before the ceremony began. The guys walked in to Bob Dylan's 'The Man in Me'. The girls walked in to Alexi Murdoch's 'Orange Sky'. And, I walked in to Patty Griffin's 'Heavenly Day' which, by the way, I think was written specifically to be played at my wedding.
I love your choices and am adding them to my itunes.
Great post!
Wonderful post, and very nicely said. Everyone loves SOME music, and including their favorite songs is one of the best ways to personalize weddings, anniversaries, and birthdays.
Oh! And, we walked back down the aisle to 'Let's Call the Whole Thing Off'.
I'm still worried about my entrance music. I always thought it would be to "All I Want is You" by U2 (my favorite song) but now I'm thinking it will turn me into a blubbering idiot if we go with that one. The other day I was thinking of "All You Need is Love" but I still don't know. I've got just under 6 months to figure it out!
We had everyone walk down to "Book of Love" by Peter Gabriel, the recessional was "You are the Best Thing" by Ray LaMontagne (LOVED the horns in the beginning-so celebratory!). The hubs' best dude wrote our first dance number (titled "With You") and performed it during the reception. We played John Mayer's "Bold as Love" for the cake-cutting. Our cocktail music was acoustic/piano rock. We were pretty pleased with our music choices, and didn't feel as cookie-cutter as other weddings we'd been to.
Girl – your wedding is going to be off the hizoook. Billy played acoustic and we had a wireless mic set up to the videographer's camera so they could get clear audio on our ceremony and his song. I highly recommend the wireless mic/videog thing. I'm sure you could get a cord long enough for that – sounds awesome!
Sounds rad as hell!
Aw, thanks Robbie!
Oh no worries! We didn't decide on most of these until the week before our wedding! But my advice is, don't NOT pick a song because it makes you emotional. that's all the more reason to do it!
I freaking love The Book of Love. It was a contender for me in the beginning too! And all Ray LaMontagne songs are so perfect. I really love him. Great selections!
Forgot to mention: I am intensely green with envy over your choice of DJ. Flashdance FTW!
Our processional was Yearlong Winter by Punchline. It's an instrumental rock song by a band from Pittsburgh that I've been friends with for 10 years. Since I got my way with that one, the husband got to pick the recessional: Trumpet Voluntary – boring story. I would have picked Signed, Sealed, Delivered.
LOVE this post and your choices….very personal which is the most important part. As a DJ, I feel an incredible sense of pressure to get the songs JUST RIGHT. My top three choices…Living for the Love of You Pts 1 &2- Isley Brothers, At Last (yes, I know it's traditional but, I've never heard it for a processional and it just touches me ;p) and for the recessional…As by Stevie Wonder. But, knowing me…I'll probably change my mind fifty million times LOL!
wow! i thought that billy's song was a once in a lifetime performance (which i was kinda ok with because it was so perfect in that moment) but this brought me right back (tears and all) to that most amazingly unique musical moment i have ever witnessed at a wedding. absolutely stunning. i need to hang with that guy, he has something really special. thanks for posting that. ok, suck up michael. back to work!
Oh, I'll have to check out that band! Thanks!
Stevie Wonder is the bomb! Thanks for the comment!
Le sigh. Couldn't have said it better myself.
LOVE this post. I am a music whore. I have a tune in my head even when there is no music playing at all. I need it. It keeps a pep in my step. So you betta belieeeeve we gonna focus on the processional music. Right before the processional, we're going to play some sigur ros leading into some Dear Prudence. Dear Prudence is my calming song– because I am going to be nervous as hell. and the song excites me. We're walking down the aisle to Soul Love (bowie), then recessional will be our favorite song: Moonage Daydream (also bowie). I picked the music before we chose the venue! HAHA!
And WOW– i've been wanting to hear Billy Gill's song he wrote for you guys for a while now, and I must say, it's absolutely precious. It is as lovely, quirky, and beautiful as you two are. He obviously knows you guys well. I love how he moved around the crowd, and sang to people. He really made it intimate. Much better than standing stationary. My sister is going to play something for us– she's rocking the electric guitar, so I'm hoping we can get a cord long enough for her to move around. or perhaps have her go wireless. will you do a post on the technical aspect of setting each of these songs/performances up? I'm kinda freaking out about it.
Awwwright, this topic is near and dear to my heart! I LOVE that you were able to use music to craft such an intensely personal ceremony. While I've imagined the *moods* I want created by music at our wedding, I haven't quite been able to nail down any concrete processional options yet. I HAVE toyed with the idea of using Van Halen's "Ain't Talkin' 'bout Love" as our recessional — I can just imagine high-kicking it down the aisle as Eddie shreds a solo. It fits our personalities and I think our guests would crack the eff up — well, my grandmother might be confused, but we would soon placate her with a nice glass of white wine. Don't worry, grandma. It will be OK.
Now THAT sounds FIERCE! Hellz yes!
So glad you posted this. As a wedding DJ, I secretly HATE when people ask me to "just play the traditional stuff for the ceremony", or the much worse "what should we use for our first dance?". The most memorable weddings are the ones where the couple's put as much thought into their music as all the other elements of their weddings (flowers, attire, venue, etc). I'll never forget the bride that walked down the isle to the piano instrumental version of "sweet child o'mind". Awesome. Can't wait for part 2!
Great post! People worry so much about expressing their personalities in the favours, decorations, colours and flowers then completely forget about the music… and it's really important! I'm glad you pointed this out as we always say the same thing.
I, too, am totally sick of the standard wedding top 50 list. I actually find myself leaving the dance floor (and I LOVE to dance) when tunes like "Pour some sugar on me" and "YMCA" come on. A few of my friends who are getting married this year have asked me to help them with their song list and I'm giving them the good time oldies that nobody seems to listen to anymore and some other totally underrated amazing dance tunes!
I think we've spent more time and thought on our music selections than anything else. Our personalities will definitely shine through our music. Our prelude music includes David Lanz and White Snake, our bridal party is walking in to a piano version of a Muppets song I've always loved, I will walk down with a cut of the instrumental beginning of Red's Pieces and our recessional is MGMT's Kids. During our ceremony my 11yo nephew will play acoustic and sing Modern English's Melt with You, my daughter will be singing an origianl song created for us by my niece's 17yo boyfriend, and we'll play a cut of a piece of a song that's very important to us before the ring ceremony. For our introductions to the reception we're playing DJ Earworm's State of Pop 2009 for the wedding party and Lady Gaga's Bad Romance for us. Cake cutting we're blaring the beginning of Break My Fall by Breaking Benjamin and our first dance is to Staind's Everything Changes (FI thought it might be inappropriate but it's 'our' song so I fought for it, and won). I absolutely love our music choices and look forward to enjoying the day!
Hey!
I really don't want to walk down the aisle to Ava Maria but I'm getting married in a Cathedral in Girona, Spain! My dream is to walk down the aisle to the tune of Viva La Vida by Coldplay but with an organ, the choices are limited! Do you know of any modern tunes that sound good organ style? This is a dillema that I could use the broke ass bride for!
I love this post! As soon as I got engaged (or before, since I did the asking) I started working on a playlist for our iPod reception. I had a good song picked out for the processional, since it was OUR SONG….but unfortunately the lyrics were pretty inappropriate. I knew that for the recessional we were going to use Sigur Ros' "Inní mér syngur vitleysingur"…it's so joyful and marchy, I love it! Then one day while just listening to my iPod, Sigur Ros' "Staralfur" came on…and I completely started bawling….so I knew that that was it. Also, it's in Icelandic, so lyric problem solved!
Our musical taste is pretty eclectic…and we tend to like a lot of more experimental, electronic stuff….so we're trying to stick to stuff that's awesome, yet off-beat, yet beautiful. I think this will work!
I was directed to your blog from @KnotAnnie and I wanted to thank you for this post…totally helpful – music is the most important part for me – I'm hoping the church will let my bridal party walk into Nada Surf's version of the Beatle's "All You Need Is Love" (I LOVE THE BEATLES, but like how this song is arranged)
Thank you for all theses posts. Music has been kicking my ass. We ended up with Rogue Waves' "Everyday" as we have a bagpiper for the seating and it works perfectly. Then we are doing an edit of Jack Danger's "Ava (Nu Age Remix)" which is an instrumental piece with cello and a modern upbeat drum for my walk. My back ups were Air's "Alpha Beta Gaga" or "Mike Mills" as sort of modern instrumental. Badly Drawn Boy's "The Shining" The easy songs on our list was the recessionals. My man had to have "Ode to Joy" (oh well) but then we go into my choice for cocktails Cibo Matto's cover of Nirvana's "About a Girl" – the cute girls loungey cocktail sounds and the repeating lines "I do" somehow make it perfect.
Now I just need first dance songs!!!!!! In 7 days . . . .
i can't believe you used a J,LC song as your processional…that's awesome in ways i can't describe.
i used to work for that band and have been friends with them for over 12 years now, they're amazing people and fantastic musicians. also, since i just went to a wedding in march where jay clifford (lead singer for j,lc) was the officiant, that makes your choice all the better.
from one LA resident to another, thanks for introducing more people to the musical joy that is jump, little children!!
I don't know if this is a problem for other people, but tI thought I would share my own personal solution. I'm not a fan of R&B, jazz, slow alternative, or anything that would normally be considered ceremony appropriate. I'm a rock, punk, swing, cheesy-musical kinda girl. I had resigned myself to a litany of music I would at best tolerate when I stumbled upon… really elegant covers! There's a group called Vitamin String Quartet that has – I exaggerate not – 345 downloadable mp3 albums. The covers are of everything from Alanis Morissette to Broadway shows to Metallica. So if you want an elegant sound for your wedding, of music you actually like, for cheap, get thee to Amazon! I currently have a 90-minute cocktail "hour" playlist of songs I'd like to listen to that won't horrify my guests or in-laws, for a total of $24. Waay cheaper than hiring an actual string quartet, and a lot more fun!
The various philharmonic orchestras also do this. The Royal Philharmonic has some great Beatles and Queen, and the London Philharmonic actually covered The Who.
songs that will be included somewhere in our wedding:
Joshua Radin – Today
Alex Lloyd – Beautiful
Jack Johnson – better together