(ramping up to recaps) Side Effects May Include…
Hunter and I share our lives with a third partner, from whom we’re trying to break free. Procrastination. It is one of our great faults as a couple. It makes us late to almost every date (a rude and embarrassing habit, I know), it tempts us to create distraction in our lives. Don’t get me wrong, we always get things done on time, but always under the gun. Much as we try to fight it and cure it, it will always be in our family nature. So, leave it to us to be engaged for twenty months, and still not be woefully underprepared come May.
Soooooo, the last two weeks preceding our wedding were especially high-octane, go go go, last minute errand mayhem, combined with a volatile cocktail of emotions, family, and anticipation. It was like life was in fastforward! Seemingly developed as an evolutionary adaptation to my procrastinatory leanings, I have a keen ability to become intensely focused on the goal in these types of situations (which was how I kept from melting down constantly). But there were some very unexpected side effects of all that pressure, so listen close, my bridal biddies!
1. Weight loss. No secret I was down to drop a few extra pounds before strutting it in such a skin-tastic dress, but after 30+ years of being an emotional eater, I was shocked to find myself not only without appetite, but without even noticing. Normally I’m fantasizing about my next meal as I eat my current, but food was the farthest thing from my mind that week, and the pictures are the proof in the pudding. I would just forget to eat for hours! Thankfully, the dress still fit; however, it did end up being 2 inches too long because of the weight loss! More on this later.
Point? Eat, my little chickens! Carry almonds or granola bars in your purse and stash some in your glove compartment. Put reminders to eat in your calendar. Put it on your daily to-do list. Tell your MOH to be on food patrol. And schedule a fitting as close to the wedding as possible. You just never know how you’ll react to the stress, and you must be prepared for any eventuality. Anyway, whatever you eat will likely be burned off by your insanely high adrenaline making you a metabolism machine, if you’re anywhere near as last minute as I was!
2. Indecision. I was the master of all listmasters. I had it all mapped out by category. I had let go completely and was cutting out details left and right, prioritizing and organizing ceaselessly. But actual decisions were absolutely beyond my ability. Did I want a grande or venti chai latte? Crisis! The seating chart? A nightmare of second-guessing. Our honeymoon research lead us on a comic quest of questioning and confusion worthy of Laurel and Hardy, to the point that we ended up completely delegating it away. Yes, we asked Hunter’s sister to select the resort for us. It felt… amazing to be free of that choice. I’d ponder this or that for ages until someone would just simply say “do this one” and I was like…. “done“! Whatever they said, I was just happy to have the decision made for me. I was so drained by making executive calls, it felt like my mind was short circuiting. I remember thinking that the best part about the wedding being over was that I’d be done making decisions for a while. Romantic, right?
Looking back? Go with your gut. If you think you can cut something out, do it. You won’t miss it. Guess what? Most of these really hard decisions will be fine no matter which choice you make. I promise. And lean on your peeps. They can think more clearly than you right now anyway, so chances are they’ll have a better perspective. Delegate, and trust in their decisions, they’re there to help you!
3. Bride Brain. Everyone jokes about how swiss cheesy our brains get during the planning process, but sisters, I am here to tell you that Bride Brain is a serious ailment! I couldn’t retain any information – it was literally as if it travelled in one ear and out the other. I’d think “oh! We mustn’t forget to…”, and by the time I pulled out a piece of paper to write it down, I’d already forgotten what I had remembered.
The only treatment for bride brain is keeping detailed lists, but its most effective if you have someone (besides your future husband), to announce “things to remember” to, and then they’ll write it down. Teamwork, it’s the best way to ensure success. Otherwise you’ll be caught in yet another side effect: thinking you’re losing your mind. The only cure for bride brain is marriage, so just hang in there and trust that your memory will come back. It will.
4. Release. This was perhaps the biggest surprise of them all, because I’m not above becoming a bit of a bwitch when I’m stressed out. But this time, I was so overwhelmed by the support our friends and family were pouring into us, and staying focused on that gratitude kept my attitude right. And no lie, I was hella nervous that last couple of weeks. The crankypants did make a few brief appearances, but mostly they stayed in the closet. Instead I sported my happypants, and really focused on enjoying every moment of every moment. This was only gonna happen once, and I wanted to drink it all in smoothly.
The way I saw it was this: At some tipping point, the wedding takes on a life of its own. It is like a tidal wave – it’s coming, quickly, and fighting against the tide will only make you drown. The people around me love me, and are working their tails off to make sure we have a sturdy boat to sail in. So, I focused on reflecting back all the love I was receiving, and made peace and trusted that regardless of the details, we’d still be married, and that’s all that mattered. and then I started slashing items off our to-do lists, saying thank you (and meaning it), and it was more liberating than anything. To this day, I don’t miss a single detail that we eliminated. I never looked back. My bridezilla was banished, and everyone had much more fun without her.
5. (Now, don’t misunderstand…) I cried. A lot. I actually tried to let myself cry when it came, as much as possible, so my emotional dam wouldn’t back up and then overflow during the ceremony. There’s nothing wrong with crying, especially at a time like this. Read The Conscious Bride - it beautifully addresses the myriad and sometimes surprising emotions we brides encounter. Again my girls, the waves are a-rollin’…. just ride the tide. And it works! I felt much more in control of my tears during the wedding, and I think crying it out pretty regularly was much to credit for that. My favorite place to let it flow? The shower. Try it sometime.
I hope for your sake, that you’re more prepared than we were in those last few weeks. But, I betcha that no matter how “prepared” you are on paper, there are bound to be some emotional surprises for you, too! Everyone reacts differently in high-pressure situations, but this advice is universal: be gentle with yourselves and those around you, and remember to enjoy the ride.
Have you fallen prey to any unexpected side effects to pre-wedding stress? How do you cope?
