October 23rd, 2009 by The Fresh Hubby
… until finally the doors close in front of me reading, “OPERATING ROOMS, NO ADMITTANCE”. If you missed Part 1
click here.
11:50am It’s at this point you have two options. 1) Begin chewing your fingers off now or 2) GET OUT OF THE HOSPITAL and delay chewing your fingers off for a little bit. Since I’ve yet to see an episode of E.R. where the doctor says “I wonder if I should stitch the patient this way or that way, let me ask the husband. He has a fro, so he’ll probably offer good insight.” I always choose option 2. As guilty as I feel leaving even for a moment, I have no doubt there will be plenty of time to freezingly wait and worry.
12:00pm Pizza, Sandwich, or Diddy Reese (AMAZING) Cookies- these are tough options. I go with sandwich, because Amazing MaPo is buying us pizza tonight from our favorite restaurant, Palermos. She is all the way in Chicago but she knows our soft spot from many miles away. Seriously you could throw me into a volcano and if a pizza man showed up at that moment, instead of screaming I would yell, “Peeethaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” as I fell.
12:15 Just got a text from MaPo that says Palermos wont take her credit card with out showing it in person. I guess I better eat Diddy Reese cookies too… just to be prudent.
12:45pm I’m back in the waiting room and a lady, whose friend went into surgery after Dana, said that her friend is done. I’m certain Dana can’t be done, but I check with a nurse just to make sure. Yup she ain’t done. I look at my left pinky finger and contemplate how much importance it holds to me, or whether I could bare to gnaw it off. I decide to write to you guys instead. Right Pinky: “Much obliged guys. I tried to tell him I was really useful for those hard to reach places, but nothing was going to stop those chompers.”
1:15pm Hospital Haiku for you:
Broke-Ass Surgery
Everything will go just fine
I gave myself collagen out of boredom. What do you think?
1:25pm Why is hospital soap sooooo drying. Doctors are constantly washing their hands. I wonder if their spouses hose them down with Jergens when they come home, or do they just use their hands as a replacement for sandpaper when they need to take a rough edge off of the furniture.
1:30pm OK now it really begins. The looking at the clock and wondering, is everything O.K., is the surgery over, but they haven’t told me, am I just getting antsy? I need a bite of my left over cookie. Fortunately this refrigerator of a hospital has kept it nice and fresh.
1:31pm Phone Ring! Me: “Hello” Nurse: Can I speak to the “Mackenzies please.” I want to say, “No, you have to give me my healed healthy wife first!” but instead I say, “One moment….Mackenzie!”
1:36pm “ooom family per Madame LaRue?” “Behind you” “The sergereey went fine” says her French doctor who looks kind of like Jude Law, sans any humor whatsoever. “Both of them?” I ask. “Jes Booth” The sky’s part and a chorus of Polar bears sing “Hallelujah!” as I look towards the O.R. and see a penguin taking off his scrubs. I knew they were using penguin labor here! But I don’t care. I am just so happy that the procedures have gone well. Doc says I can see her in ten minutes, so I run downstairs where I can get cell signal to call the folks. Dana’s mom sounds soooo relieved. You can hear in her voice that she has been even more concerned than I have the past few hours. I race back upstairs and then, and then, and then… I wait.
2:10pm Still waiting, but MaPo calls. Her love has some how strengthened the cell towers to give me signal for a few minutes. She says she is going to the dentist and her vicodin just kicked in, so she has to go. Am I the only one not on vicodin today?
2:35pm Never trust a French looking Jude Law, still waiting… I begin entertaining myself…
4 year BFA training, thank you very much
3:00pm Phone Rings “Can Hunter come to the recovery room please.” “I’ll be right there.” Cue Batman Music. Danna nan dun. I’m off.
I walk in and see my baby, passed out with a taped up patch for an eye.
My Favorite Pirate
4:00pm Dana has been in a ton of pain. She comes in and out of consciousness. I think she would like nothing more than to pass out, but the pain is too intense for her body to relax. The nurses wont give her more pain meds. I tell the nurse that this is Dana’s 10th surgery and that she gets excruciating post surgery pain. She tells me that they can’t give her anymore until her blood pressure goes up. She points to the monitor, which keeps flashing red. All of a sudden I’m concerned. I spend an hour holding Dana’s hand, one eye on her and the other on the monitor. Every time it starts flashing red either a nurse or I shake Dana and tells her to breathe deep. This never fails to bring Dana’s blood pressure back up, but is not a game I enjoy playing.
Dana is freezing and when I ask the nurse for another blanket she almost rolls her eyes. Now this nurse is incredibly sweet and helpful, so I’m wondering about the eye roll. When she lifts Dana’s blankets to reveal at least 9 already covering her, I can’t believe it. Because Dana’s heart rate is so low, she is freezing, and no amount of blankets can fix it.
4:45pm Dana has passed out for what seems like three minutes, but all of a sudden the nurse taps her on the leg and says that she is going to release us. I am not sure if it was the three minutes of sleep, or the news of freedom, but all of a sudden Dana can move and talk with out moaning.
5pm We have been wheeled out to our freedom! We call the folks and give them an update. Then Dana passes out. Sitting behind the wheel, I think about how things haven’t always run so smoothly. How the last time, she had been kicked out of her insurance plan, just before needing surgery.  I feel so grateful, as we creep our way cross-town in L.A. rush hour traffic… and rush hour traffic has never felt so good.
